My future wife's mother wants to have her bridal shower in a rented school hall?

Question

while I know my fiance wants to have a nice elegant shower in a banquet hall, nothing too fancy but better then folding chairs and cheap tableclothes.

I had a conversation with her offering to help and get a nice banquet hall and she proceeded to get defensive. I know she is broke, its no secret so I would pick up the difference to have it at a nicer place. The argument escalated and she tells me "I shouldn't have made this phone call"

This is obviously something that has been building up, but I am sticking up for my future wife against some woman who nobody has ever stood up too. Am I wrong?

I can tell that there are some cultural differences around here and thats not how things are done by me, but thats a different story. Here's more if you care to know, the hall made it clear that there are no decorations allowed on the walls and the only bathroom is up a flight of stairs. half the people coming from my side of the family are 70 years old plus. Trust me, there are so many things wrong with this setup.

Let alone her othere sisters had beautiful showers, my fiance is feeling that she is getting the blank end of the stick.

thats my peace

Answer 1

traditionally it is the moh's job to plan the shower. HOWEVER. I know that I am anything BUT traditional and I know that for whatever reason sometimes traditions aren't always withheld.

I am going to assume that the conversation was with the mother...I don't think you were wrong. You know what your (future) wife wants and you want her to have it. I truely think that is soooooo sweet!!

Having said that, I think that you need to talk to your bride again and see what she has to say about it all. Ask her if she would like for you to continue your persistance regarding this situation, and if she would, then you should!! Also request her assistance in convincing her mother what she truely wants.

Make sure that the mother knows that you aren't trying to show her up, you just want to help :)

Good luck!! You sound like a wonderful man!!

Answer 2

This is a hard call. First of all, I would caution you against making the MIL an enemy. I would go about this an entirely different way. The MIL is probably doing the best she can with the resources she has. You could fully support her verbally and make nice...or perhaps you could go to the MIL and start the conversation by saying "mil, I'm sorry I made you angry the other day when we were talking about the bridal shower, I love your daughter so much I just wanted her to have a really great place for the shower. If you will allow me, I would like to at least pay for a banquet hall...or help in some way" I guess what I'm saying is, its all about the approach. She probably got defensive because of emotions. I hope this has helped you in someway and I hope you and mil get along because it will surely help.

Answer 3

It is a very kind gesture for your future mother-in-law to want to even host a bridal shower for your fiance. I'm sure her response was more related to being offended or hurt feelings that what she was planning wasn't good enough. Instead of trying to change what she is planning, maybe you should be offering to help towards cost of decorating the school hall. Any location can be transformed into a beautiful event with tablecloths, chair covers or sashes, and centerpieces.

Answer 4

I have been in a similar situation. Ask your future bride what she honestly thinks. You two may be able to agree that the most important part of the wedding planning process is the end result. If she is unsure what to do, remind her that the only thing that is important is that you want to marry each other, and that like it or not, family wants to have a part in the day. If she is dead set against her mother's wishes, of course, encourage her to stand up for her wishes, but do not push. If you push, you will be caught in the middle, and, like it or not, will lose out on that one-- blood is thicker than water, and you are not family yet, Bud. Just hang in there, feel the situation out, and stand by HER. After all, that's what this is all about, in the long run, right. Use your head, and you will be alright.

Answer 5

well first of all its not the mothers place to be giving the bridal shower. it is to be the maid or matron of honors place, she is the one who is to be responsible for that and along with many other duties to help out the bride. but it really shouldn't matter to anyone where the shower is held wither its at a nice elegant banquet hall or a rented school hall, you can make them both look the same with a few flowers and decorations, and people really wont care either way as far as where is it located, and your soon to be wife shouldn't care either as long as she has a shower. i had 2 showers one in a day care lunch room and the other in a church fellowship hall, both had folding chairs and no one complained one bit. just be lucky that someone actually cares for the two of you to give you a shower no matter where it is held at. and ya its not your place either to get involved with any of it cuz you wont be their anyways.

Answer 6

It's an honor to be given a shower in the first place. She should be thankful to have one at all. Why be so stuck up about it? She needs to just enjoy it and it's not your place to call her mother. He is doing what she can. You calling and telling her it's not good enough and offering her money makes her efforts a failure. You both should be more considerate of her feelings. Most people have their showers in someone's home or church, not banquet halls.

Answer 7

No you're not wrong. Frankly, I'm happy to hear that a man has the "danglies" to stand up to the dreaded future mother in law.

Sounds like she's a proud woman and on top of that, a controlling woman. I'd explain to your fiance that you ONLY had her in mind when you discussed another location for the shower.

Don't force her to take sides...but when it comes Moms...yours or hers, ALWAYS take your fiance's/wife's side. Unless the argument is so unreasonable that you have to intervene. But in the game of life...the fiance and/or wife should always win.

Always.

Yeah, I know mom gave brith...raised the kid..nurtured...blah, blah blah...but you're God willing, you're going to be with you fiance/wife longer then you'll be with your mom.

Support your fiance in this. Go with what she wants but insist she not let her mother interfere with her decision either.

Good luck..

Answer 8

It sounds like you're in a real situation here with your future mother in law. I understand that you want the best for your fiancee. Mom sounds like a tough cookie though. Is there any talking sense with mom? Perhaps come to an understanding of what her daughter wants? You have a sticky situation. I would try to talk it out with her. If she continues to be defensive, let her do what she wants, but remind her that it's not what her daughter REALLY wants.

Answer 9

Planning a wedding is always an emotional affair. It is a good idea for the two who are getting married to talk about their expectations and their plans before discussing things with the parents.

Mothers want to be deeply involved. It's a mom thing. It's hard but they both need to realize they had their chance. You and your wife-to-be welcome their involvement and tell them here is what you would like them to do. Then leave them alone to do it as long as you have expressed your parameters.

Unless the two of you have discussed your plans long and hard, nothing you offer to do is going to be welcome. Get busy planning this event with your sweetie and let her deal with her mother.

Answer 10

that sounds silly, if you're willing to pay the difference i don't know why the mother wouldn't be happy that you help.
try talking to her and explaining that you want your fiance to have a super nice shower because you love her so much. don't yell or blame the mother tho- that'll make things bad.
good luck and God Bless.