My mother-in-law has dimensia. How do I deal with that?

Question

She lives with me and my husband. She doesn't want to take a bath. I have to treat her like a child. I feel really bad for her because she has always been such a strong willed person. Now all she wants to do is watch the news all the time. Sunday I caught her in the kitchen using the restroom in my favorite coffee cup. I know she can't help it, but I worry about her when I am not at home. What is she doing when she is alone? I send her to adult day care during the day, but she could probably use 24 hour care My husband and I work odd hours.
Does anyone else out there have a relative with deminsia living with them? How do you approach them when they do something they shouldn't without making them feel bad about themselves? I wan't her to be confident, but I can't keep letting her do some of the things she does. Did I mention she is a pack rat too?

Answer 1

SPACEY,

I HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S DAD HAS DEMENTIA. OFTEN TIMES HE WOULD WANDER OFF AND GO FOR A WALK IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, NOT TO BE FUND FOR HOURS. ULTIMATELY MY FRIEND AND HIS MOTHER CHOSE TO PUT HIS HAD IN A 24/7 NURSING HOME. THEY COULD NOT KEEP A VIGIL EYE ON HIM AT ALL TIMES.
AS A SIDE NOTE ONE THING I'VE LEARNED IS THAT PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA MUST FIND A PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITY TO DO TO KEEP THEM BUSY, IF NOT. THEY'RE UP TO THEIR OLD TRICKS.

Answer 2

oh do I have tons of info for you. But it would take pages. First thing to note is that it is called Dementia. Take the time to research it on the web and locate local agencies to get help and support.
Take her to a geriatric specialist. They can determine what kind of dementia it is and how far along it is, what to expect and any medication that can slow down the deterioration.
If possible, have an occupational therapist visit the house to determine how safe it is for her to be left alone and what kind of improvements can be made in the home to make it safer for her.
Capability: this is important. How much does she still understand? If she can no longer tell what is safe from unsafe.. ei. leaves the stove on. then no she cant be left alone. How does she get herself meals? Can she reheat them? Does she open the door for strangers? Obviously she has difficulties with procedural things.. ei.. doesnt remember how to use things or the steps to complete a task such as going to the bathroom.
You cant blame her nor can you reason with her. She has lost the capacity to understand this or to retain this information.
If she is beyond your capability to care for her she needs to be somewhere safe. You should start touring nursing homes and getting familiar with the process in case you need to go that route. Do not let guilt guide your decision. Instead think of what is best for her to be safe. Good luck.

Answer 3

My father had Alzheimer disease, and i worked as a nurses aide in a nursing home and cared for many residents with various forms of dementia.
The best approach is speak in a gentle tone, hold their hand and gently guide them, show them where to go to the washroom, how to do certain things, (ie. brush their teeth, wash their face, etc.). Be kind and loving, and be sure you take the time to get some peace and quiet. Look after yourself, it is a very difficult job caring for these precious souls.

Answer 4

its hard to deal with but there is help out there dept of aging is one locking your stuff away is the best thing for her & you treat her like a small child because your mother in law is not with you any more