Looking for answers, only from my fellow followers of Christ, please?

Question

I am struggling in my faith. Why would God do this?

I was told when I was 18 that I would never be able to have children due to ovarian failure. 10 months ago, I found out that I was pregnant! I had a perfect pregnancy ... almost no morning sickness ... no swollen feet ... no complications. I thought that God was answering my prayers.

I'm full-term, just waiting to bring my baby girl into the world. I start experiencing a little pain and bleeding, and I go to the doctor. The next thing I know, my placenta has ruptured and my daughter has drowned in amniotic fluid. She was stillborn.

All everyone tells me is that God has a plan, but I don't want to hear that. I had accepted that I would never be a natural mother ... and then this happened! I'm so angry and sad! I can't understand why the God that loves me would do this to me!

I need prayer, help, and words of encouragment from other believers! What gets you through the hard times?

Answer 1

I am very sorry for your loss. There are little words of comfort that can ease the pain you are feeling now. About all I can do is explain some of the reasons why God allows people to suffer in this world. Perhaps one of these reasons will resonate with you.

God allows suffering in the world for many reasons.

First suffering can be a test of faith such as described in

1Pe 1:7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Second, suffering can be a sanctifying experience. Joseph saw how an apparent evil towards him was meant for a greater good by God:

Gen 50:20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

Third, suffering could be a chastisement as the result of sin in a person’s life. Chastisement does not mean complete and total rejection by God, only that our souls may be cleansed from the malady of sin. Paul spoke of this chastisement:

1Co 11:29 For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself.
1Co 11:30 That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died.
1Co 11:31 But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged.
1Co 11:32 But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.

Yet, not all illnesses or sickness is the result of sin. Christ clearly said as much:

Joh 9:1 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth.
Joh 9:2 And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
Joh 9:3 Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Jesus did not imply that the man or his parents had not sinned. He meant that the man’s blindness was not a direct result of sin in their lives. God had allowed this man to be born blind in order that the man might become a means of displaying the mighty works of God. Before the man was born, the Lord Jesus knew He would give sight to those blind eyes.

Fourth, suffering can sometimes be considered a means by which we display the sympathy of Christ in a practical manner, thus proving our faith through works. The Apostle Paul notes:

Col 1:24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church,

The afflictions endured by Paul in his flesh were for the sake of Christ's body, namely, the church. The sufferings of non-believing people are, in one sense, purposeless. There is no high dignity attached to these sufferings. They are only a foretaste of the torment of hell to be endured forever. But the suffering of the believer is not the same. When believers suffer for Christ, Christ in a very real way suffers with them.

Fifth, suffering can be a means by which we are tempered (strengthened) for the eventualities to come. Christ, when speaking to Peter of his eventual death stated:

Joh 21:18 Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.

Like the old saying, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, suffering can build us up so that we are better prepared for the future and its travails.

Sixth, suffering can be used as a witness to others of God’s grace. Our attitude towards an illness, accident, etc. and our reception of the same speak volumes when our spoken testimony is rejected.

Seventh, suffering is sometimes a means of weaning us from the things of this world to cause us to draw nearer to God. Suffering should be a means of educating us to the prospect of heaven. This earthly world is not the home of the believer. We are pilgrims and strangers whose citizenship is in another place. Our minds should be focused on things invisible and not in the temporal things of this life.

We must remember that with the fall of mankind in Eden sin entered the world, corrupting earth and all its inhabitants. Thus we have sin directly causing suffering when sinful people commit sinful acts. We have sin causing suffering indirectly by the deteriorating earth and all its natural disasters.

Some people argue that since God made everything, He made evil too. But an omnipotent God could not have created a morally free creature incapable of choosing evil. That does not mean God made evil. Yes, God is the author of everything in the created universe. But evil is not a thing or a substance; it is a privation or lack in things (blindness is lack of sight, pain is lack of health, hate or murder is lack of love). Therefore God did not create evil.

Christ told us that we would suffer in this world:
Joh 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

But why doesn’t God just stop evil actions that cause innocent people to suffer?

Why doesn’t God intervene to stop evil if He is all-loving and all-powerful? Why doesn’t He stop the drunk driver’s car that is going to crash into a bus? Why doesn’t He deflect the murderer’s bullets? The person asking doesn’t really want God to stop all their evil actions. They don’t want to be invisibly gagged every time they’re about to say something hurtful; they don’t want to stub their toe when they try to kick the dog. They just think it would be good if God stopped certain evil acts or just the evil acts of others. But that would make life impossible. There would be no freedoms, no regularity and no personal responsibility.

Answer 2

Honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that your little girl is waiting for you in Heaven with our loving Savior, but it's so hard to bear the grief of a loss like that. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. All I can do is give you my deepest sympathy and prayers.

I've lost loved ones over the years, too, and the only things that have eased the grief are time and clinging onto Jesus' hand as He walks with you through the valley of the shadow of death. He is the One Who will be there for you, no matter where or when you find yourself overwhelmed.

Eventually, some of the rawness of the pain will ease, although it will never completely go away in this world. The total healing will only come when God wipes away our tears in Heaven, but until then all you can do is lean on the Word, the love of Jesus, and the support of your fellow believers.

Again, you have my love, sympathy, and prayers.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss!!! There really isn't anything I can say to take the pain away, or to help you "get over" this. I can tell you that I also had a still birth. I won't give you specifics, you don't need that right now. I can tell you that this in no way is God punishing you for something, or trying to make you miserable. It's hard not to be mad at God. I know. I felt the same way. But, I can tell you that right now, the best thing you can do is to pray and ask God to help you understand. The pain will never totally go away, it will lessen with time. And nothing will replace the child you lost.

I would suggest contacting a leader in your church, or a trusted older person who can be there when you really have bad days. There are support groups out there for people who have gone through what we have. If you feel you need to talk, feel free to contact me. I will listen and give you info that might help you. Don't listen to those who say that God has a plan and all that. It won't help you right now. You just need to know that your feelings are valid and you need to experience those feelings. It's part of greiving.

What really helped me was going to a psychologist. I know, most people don't like them. But they are there to listen and can help you through the hardest times. Try to find one that deals with a lot of women in your situation, or one that deals with women who have lost children.

Don't let anyone tell you that they know how you feel, or that you should just "get over" your feelings. These people are just insensitive and don't understand your pain.

Good luck sweetie!!! Just know there are those out there that are willing to help and go to God with your thoughts. He will help you!!!

Answer 4

You know we don't have all the answers. I am so sorry about the lost of your baby daughter.

My question to you is: If this miracle pregnancy happened once after hearing that you would never conceive, why do you doubt that it could happen again?

Pray to God that he will help you to keep on believing and to trust him more fully. Ask him to protect your mind and heart from any negative words or thoughts. Thank him for his promises that he will not let you be confounded. Thank him for hearing your prayers for a child, and look forward to all he has in store for you. You might just have twins the next time!

Answer 5

dear , I can not relate to your pain , but I do know God still loves you cares about you, please don't give up on him & you know that God's plans are greater than anyone's & that people that have been told they may never have children (via Dr)
do have children.
The same thing that happened to you happend tp my Aunt & my cousin , they both went on to
have children afterwards.
Know that you are a child of God going through
a horrible storm right now, but that God will help
you overcome this if you trust in him.
Perhaps you should talk to your pastor about how
you feel.
I will pray for you & I hope you are able to
find SOME comfort w/ God's help

I am so SORRY that you had to go through this .

Take Care, Summer Time Mom

Answer 6

Oh Honey ,I am so sorry.I have prayed for you.You must know that God loves you and He is with you.Sometimes our bodies do crazy things.I have lost two.I put my hope and faith in God.
Today I have 1 daughter,2 grandchildren.But you should see my kids Gods has blessed me with.I have 30 kids in my Sunday School class,20 in missionettes.They are my little loves and I know I am blessed.
Please keep faith in God,He will give you a child.Trust him.Allow him to heal your pain and comfort your heart.It takes time but God is Faithful.
My sister had the same type of thing happen to her.Tubal pregnancy,she was told she would never have children.She has 4.Just put your heart in Jesus hands,they are real big.
love Nana.<><

Answer 7

I am truly sorry for your loss and great disappointment. We don't know the answers to the trials and tribulations of this life and why God will allow certain things to happen. But years later we can look back and see that many of the events in life directed us towards something greater. That's what I've learned as a Christian over the years. I have had 4 miscarriages but I have also had three wonderful children also. I don't have the answers but I have never given up on God. In our trials He builds strength and character in us. We grow in faith and hope. Through it all we have His peace. Someday, there may be a woman who has the same questions and disappointment as yourself and you will be able to comfort her, because you will know and have the compassion that you have acquired through your experience.Sometimes God will give back to us greater treasures than the ones we have lost, as in the book of Job. We just have to trust in Him, no matter what. I will be praying for you. Sometimes out of our deepest sorrows God brings forth our greatest joys.

Answer 8

What you are going through is grief. The being that died was in your womb, which is just as devastating as when my mother died many years ago.

During my grieving period, which must have lasted over four months, I felt as if the world had given up on me. I felt hopeless and lost. I felt like I had done something wrong and hadn't done what I should have done with my mother to mend wounds and heal pain that will now never be healed.

But after a few months a miraculous thing happened - something that must have come from God. I began to feel the most intense love for my mother. I felt that her spirit had been freed from this painful shell she lived in on Earth. I felt that she was resting in a much more peaceful place and that she would be there to greet me when I died.

I can't tell you how much that lifted me up. I realized that I was grieving. The loss of someone close to you, someone you don't even know yet, is a terrible thing and causes incredible emotional stress on you.

So please don't give up on yourself. You are going through something that you MUST GO THROUGH. Grieve for your child; feel that pain intensely and be grateful that you are alive and you can feel that pain. But also realize that this child has been brought back to God. That resting in His arms is just what that child needs. The child was taken from you, but given to God.

Peace be with you and know that my love and prayers are filling the air right now.

FP

Answer 9

OK, I'll try my best, but I'm nobody who can make you understand or feel better, only God can if you totally trust in Him! I wont say that I understand, but I wish I could stop you hurting. Her'es a poem for you.

There are times in your life, when a great and huge storm,
Comes over to you, and tries to destroy.
All the hope, all of faith, and all of your dreams,
It crashes and smashes, so you would not believe,
So you would not turn to the sunlight again,
So you won't want to trust God in your pain.
But sometime up there the sun will shine again,
And somebody gently will take away your pain,
IT WILL NOT BE ALWAYS LIKE THIS!!!

Answer 10

Perhaps this was a test to see if your heart is prepared for motherhood. If after all this disappointment, you still feel the desire to be a mother, please consider adopting a child that has lost her own mother to a similar tragedy. There are so many children who have been abandoned to the 'System' because people don't want to adopt older children. I have no idea why any deity would send this sort of agony to a person, but search yourself and maybe an answer will come. I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 11

I am sorry! I do know one thing, God doesn't lose babies, that baby is being care for in heaven, someday you would meet your child as she grows and learns the oracles of God. Perhaps some day you would help Finnish raising her, when you reach heaven. God does have a plan, and it is for you. You may not see from God's eyes, but someday his plan would come to you. Everything is done for a reason, and has purpose. How can we know his every move when his wisdom out weighs ours 100,000 to 1.
Don't ever lose faith, trust in God, and believe when I say your child is in good hands, and happy. Believe that with God all things are possible. Pray for your child, because she is still alive, the soul never dies. This life your in now is just one grain of sand compare to all the sand in the ocean, like eternity in heaven, once you arrive there, you see, you have plenty of time to spend with your child:)
I'll pray that you understand, and in God's time he give you the answers you seek. God bless you!