my teenager doesn't understand the concept of no. How does one get her to understand that no means no?

Answer 1

By saying "No" to them when they're 18 months old, and being consistent throughout their lives. You can't let them walk all over you for 12 years then expect them to change overnight.

Also gradually allowing them more and more responsibility and freedom AS THEY EARN IT. Calmly and respectfully telling them why you're saying no, so they realize that it's out of love and concern, and not just some power trip.

They don't have to like the explanation but still, I prefer to say that I won't let him do something because I feel it isn't safe (or whatever) - he can try to convince me all he wants, but I won't back down. It still boils town to "because I said so."

And that's the key for you now: DON'T GIVE IN. Set rules and limits and take away luxuries (Cell phone, computer, TV, etc) when necessary. Follow through! Be more stubborn than she is, and eventually, she'll realize that there's no point in arguing.

And don't forget to acknowledge the good things she does! You don't want her thinking that all you notice is her mistakes and bad behavior. Self-esteem is fragile still, and she needs opportunities to feel valued as a person.

Answer 2

What we tell parents in our practice:
1) Talk less (teenagers are often parent deaf)- more action, make a request and explain consequence for failure to comply. If they don't comply, say nothing and follow through. For example: In order to go to the movies this weekend, you have to clean you room and keep it clean for 4 out of 5 days. Are we clear?" Now, back off and let the natural consequence occur. never, ever deviate from the consequence- be consistent.
2) Keep your word
3) Use your allowance, or set one, to your advantage. Failure to follow through has a response cost. For example, failure to clean your room before you leave for school- $2.50 per day. Period, do discussion, debate, yelling, nagging, etc.
4) with an allowance, make teenager pay for everything (movie, candy, soda, cell phone, etc.) w/o deviation. Give teen opportunities to earn money (e.g., clean kitchen completely= $2; clean bathroom completely= $2, rake leaves = 2-5, etc. Earning money will become paramount, especially now that the game is over and you no longer give freebies.

Incidentally, this teaches kids responsible behavior for adulthood. Readings:
William Glasser's Reality Theory
Thomas Gordon PET

Answer 3

There is really no way to get a teen to understand that no means no. You just need to not be afraid to be the "bad" parent and stick with what you say. Do NOT be a push over! It will not end well. If you say no and she does it anyway then you find something to take away from her. Tell her "you have apparently forgoten how to respect me so maybe its time you forget how to do *insert something she likes doing*" If she enjoys talking on the phone or being online you take the phone and or computer away. Pretty much the only way to get her to realize that no is no is to pound it into her head.

Answer 4

You have to be consistent. You can't say no and change it to yes an hour later or a day later. If you say no make it mean no. Think before you answer. Be sure of the answer you want to give her and don't change your mind. Your teenager did not just start challenging your decisions. This started way before she became a teenager. Old habits are hard to break but if you truly want to teach your child anything valuable about living in this world you have to start being consistent with your decisions.

Answer 5

Teenagers can be pretty hard-headed. The most important thing is to always be consistent. If you give in even once after your daughter repeatedly asks for something, it will reinforce and prolong the undesirable behavior.

Good luck

Answer 6

Apparently for all of her previous years "no" meant "yes" thats why she still cant understand what no means. It will be hard but you will have to say no to some meaningful (for her)things and stand behind it no matter what.

good luck

Answer 7

well you need to be firm when she is told NO...Dont give in no matter what then she will learn...if you give in to her whining or temper tantrum she will know how to work you...
Just keep saying no even when they ask again again agian & again....She will get the hang pretty soon.... It may help if you separate from her after telling her no...

Good Luck~

Answer 8

Ban her to her room for thirty-six hours without her ipod.

Answer 9

You can't just say it, you have to enforce it. Teach her that there are consequences for her actions.

Answer 10

By not budging an inch when you say no.