How do I get over shyness?

Question

I am 17 in a month and I am shy. All through school I never spoke to people and was always on my own.
My head of year teacher sent me to the school counsellor for an hour a week, I went to that for 4 months, but then I had to go back the following year because I hadn't changed but the second time round I only went for a month because of exams.
When I finished school I went to college but then I had to quit after just 3 weeks because I was too shy and I used to dread going and even felt scared and sick at the thought of having to speak to people and when I have to speak to people my mind goes blank and I get really scared.
I have been at home for the last 6 months and I've only been out of the house about 15 times, and only when I had to.

My parents think I like being in the house all the time and are always shouting at me to get a job, but I want a job and I want to be able speak to people and have friends and be normal.

How do I be more confident?

I am going on holiday in 9 weeks and I have a persian cat and this time no-one can look after it and my mum said she isn't paying for the vet and cattery and that I either need to get a job to pay for that or sell the cat, and if nothing has been done 2 days before the holiday she is taking it to RSPCA or somewhere.
I can't just get a job that easy, so I really need help because I don't 'get rid' of my cat!

Mavircal – I do want a job like I said, and I have applied for jobs and been to interviews but whenever I went to interviews my mind went blank and I feel sick and feel like I’m going to pass out.

And when we go on holiday, we go on a cruise and last time I would stay in the cabin all the time, and I know it is a waste of money but I thought by this time I might have got over my shyness and now my mother wont let me stay at home because the deposit has been paid already!

Answer 1

it doesn't sound like normal shy-ness. I'm a shy person, but my shy nature doesn't cause social disability.

you sound like you have social anxiety disorder. You should go to a psychologist to see if they can help you. I hope they don't medicate you, you can do a lot of that naturally without too much problem.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like this may be a bit more than simple shyness. Um- well, first off, congrats for getting this question out to the masses where thousands of people can see it. Good job for that. Now, lemme get this straight. You're not seventeen yet, but you were going to go to college? You even attended it? That makes me curious. This is definitely something that you could talk about. You sound like you're interested in a lot of things, but the only issue is the lack of initiation. If you want to coach yourself, you could tell yourself that other people don't even really matter. I mean, if it's just a simple conversation- what difference does it make? There are seven billion people on the planet, and surely whomever you're speaking to at a specific point in time can't have THAT much of an impact on your life. Now, obviously it's not that simple, but if you are able to think about your life and you wants and needs, you must realize that your desire to speak out and talk with people outweighs your fear. It sounds like you know what you want- and you can use that to your advantage. There is nothing wrong with exchanging a couple of words with random strangers, and it could actually be good practice. Go to the mall, go shopping somewhere sometime. Talk with the people behind the counter at the stores, etc. Ask 'em a question, tell them more than they need to know, and just forget about it. It's about YOU, not other people.
...Wow, if that wasn't convoluted- I don't know what the hell was.
No matter what happens, just remember that you will end up figuring this out. I promise.

Answer 3

i used to be shy but not that shy...maybe you might want to see a therapist unless that wouldnt work with you i dont really know how i got over my shyness because now i'm really loud and just a happy person and i'm liked for that you just have to try new things and talk to people i know it seems hard bur being young and thinking about the future who knows what could happen in a second i've experiences where i almost died and that just made me realize that life is short and you have to live you may get into to trouble but you still should live now your almost 17 so you still have your freedom before you pay taxes and what not so the best advice i can give you as a 16 year old me to you is that you should try something new or go somewhere where no one knows you you can be a different person i've been to lots of new schools and each time it gave me the opportunity to be friends with different people...so i hope i helped you kind of

Answer 4

Overcome your fear by doing what you fear most: talking and interacting with others. If you don't take this small step, it is never going to happen. Start with your neighbours. A simple salutation like "Good Morning" or "Hello" would suffice. After that, try asking simple questions like "How have you been" or "How was your day" to them. A much direct but effective way is to use you telephone directory. Call random companies and enquire about their products, etc. The operator won't know who you are and you won't even see their faces. This will build your self-confidence to speak in front of others. Then, you can move on to speaking in front of strangers. Go back to college and volunteer to speak at any presentation. Think of it this way. You get to influence the minds of others with your voice and you get to change the perception of others with your voice. Shyness is a debilitating trait but the fact that you are brave enough to post this question on the internet shows that you have the determination to change. So go ahead, begin that small step of talking to your neighbours and build up from there. Good luck!

Answer 5

Maybe you should try getting out of the house doing activities where you don't immediately have to tak to people. Like going for a run or something. Then try stuff where you talk to a few people, like walking a dog where you will say hi to other dog walkers but not for too long. Just build yourself up gradually. Try to think of a job where its not too much social interaction and you can slowly get more confident.

Answer 6

Find a good friend, a close one, maybe your best friend. Go out in a group setting and really just put yourself out there. It's all you in the end. People can make suggestions for you and give you tips and advice but it's only good if you follow through with it. Make yourself known and know that you can be yourself without being the center of attention. Just make the effort. I know you can do it.... I hope that you have amazing success.

Answer 7

You poor thing, when I was younger I was really shy as well. The only thing that made me confident was when I started working, I work in shops and so I have to talk to strangers all day. I guess you could say I threw myself in at the deep end but it worked, I'm now a very confident person when meeting anybody. Good luck!

Answer 8

hi mate. sorry to hear about your dilemna. to be quite honest with you there is nothing out there that can boost your confidence on its own. there is no such thing as a "magic pill" my friend. the only cure is YOU and just YOU. you have to belief in yourself that you can do it! you could also get some self help books at libraries, etc, which could guide you along. get family and close friends together and tell them what is going on and i am sure they will help you. by talking to them you will build self confidence and slowly slowly you can start expanding yourself to clubs, pubs, etc.mate its not IMPOSSIBLE. i dont know if this might help but whenever i feel down about something...which is quite often, i always think about other people out ther that are in a worse shape than me and you. i am pretty sure they would love to swap places with us and here we are not appreciating what we have but always wanting more. i have faith in you!so should YOU!

Answer 9

honey, you're talking to the expert here, i used to have the exact same problem, i just realized one day that i didn't want to talk to people cuz i was scared they wouldn't like me, or they would find me boring, or they might say something hurtful...but hey! there's a lot of good people out there too... take the bus and smile at everyone, at a club smile at everyone, at school smile at everyone, that way people will know you're shy, but kind and friendly, and THEY will come to talk to you... you don't have to have the greatest conversation ever, but it will make you feel better and more confident!!! when you get to know other people better, you'll be ready to go get a job!

Answer 10

I use to be HORRIBLY shy. I knew people by their shoes. (well, in elementary school.)
I think alot of young people are just shy. Some act differently than others about their shyness, but still everybody has their moments. Forget everybody else and do your thing. Most shyness comes from the fear of being rejected or fear of feeling inadequate. Your young, this too shall pass. Trust yourself, you got the whole world in your hands; use it.