I have a 7 year old daughter. She has never been involved with her biological dad, she has never had a father figure in her life other than her grandfather. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 1 1/2 years and recently had a baby. My daughter does not respect my boyfriend whatsoever. There are good days, but mostly bad days. I'm not sure if its the fact that she doesn't know how to act about having a father figure in her life. I have tried so much, in my doing so I found out that she has ADHD, and am not sure if thats an issue as to why she acts this way with him. He trys so hard to treat her as if she was his, but its just not working. I have tried punishing by taking away the things that mean the most to her, i've tried setting down and talking to her, and she seems as if she gets it for that moment, but then its right back to where it was the next day. Please help anyone if you have any good solutions.
2007-03-13 11:09:14 · 12 answers · asked by destiny6930 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well i have a 7 year old and 5 year old. They are kind of in the same situation but they like my boyfriend. They have actually like him since day one but people are right it is alot for them to take after being only your for so long. My children had me and only me for 3 year after there father and i split up. maybe the difference with mine is that they do have there father in there life. sometimes that is not always a good thing either though becasue there father of course does not like the idea of me being with someone so he sometimes says things to the kids that should not be said and then they come home and repeat it to my boyfriend. Your boyfriend should do the whole date things maybe if she gets to know him to herself she will like him more. and make sure you are having alone time with her too exspecially now that the new baby has come along she may be feeling like you have a new life now and dont need her. show her lots of love. she will come around.
2007-03-15 04:17:59 · answer #1 · answered by dak81205 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. While I agree what others are saying here to an extent - you must be the parent and "lay down the law" and not allow bad behavior, I have a different take on this. Children are not born bad. They do not wake up in the morning intent on making their families miserable. Your daughter has never had a dad, and she's had this guy around for a year and a half, soon after you started dating (from what I get from the dates) you became pregnant, and then you brought a new baby in. I'm sure she loves her sibling, but in her mind, she may be feeling like she's completely been surplanted in the family unit. It used to be mommy and her and then a man walked into her life and, in her mind, brought a baby with him soon after. She may blame him (in her seven-year-old way of reasoning) for "ruining" the comfortable family unit you and her had made up. From my experience, children are really programmed to want a daddy. That's why so many children of single mothers will be quick to call the new guy "daddy" and harbor hopes that he'll fill that role. I don't know what it is but I've seen this so many times. Even if the guys are total slimeballs, the kids want a father. She will probably open up and eventually be a dutiful, well-adjusted daughter to your boyfriend with the right help from you two.
As for the ADHD diagnosis, it is something that can be treated and I'm sure she's being treated; however (and I am definitely no expert on this - these are just my opinions) I can't imagine a child with ADHD who only acts out with ONE of the parents and not the other. I think she may be harboring some serious bad feelings towards this guy. Getting her into see a child counselor is what I'd suggest. She's not crazy, she's not mental, she's using what she can to tell you that she's not happy.
Good luck and don't stop trying!
2007-03-13 11:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by Wonderin' 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may want to consider talking to a counselor and getting some expert advice!! She prob is just jealous and misses all the time she use to have with you!! Try to set aside some alone time for just you and her and maybe she will open up to you!! Show her more love and affection and give her lots of praise for what she does right!! This has to be hard for her!! She does not understand what is going on and i do not think punishing her is the right solution!! She is just acting out due to jealousy and does not know how else to show her true feelings!! Be patient and by the way, having ADHD is not a behavior prob like previous person said!! It is a real condition and needs to be treated like one!! Good luck and i hope things get better for your family!!!
2007-03-13 11:50:54 · answer #3 · answered by housewives5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably feels the boyfriend & baby are more important than she is. It used to be just the two of you & now that's been taken away from her. She's probably also heard some bad things about men somewhere along the way. I hope you can help her to adjust. She needs love too, don't forget. Children live what they learn. They are only young once & time will fly by.
2007-03-13 11:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why not let her have a "date" with your boyfriend? Let him take her someplace, like dinner and a movie. You could do the same thing fo some mother/daugther time. She is probably jealous of the boyfriend and the baby to come.
2007-03-13 13:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by Popsicle_1989 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
7 yrs old is a little young to understand what is going on in her life and how to deal. you can't punish her into accepting your bf as "dad" but having the little one now will help him establish himself as a father to her. This is going to take time, be loving and be patient.
2007-03-13 13:00:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't try to reason with a 7 year old. And ADHD is just an excuse for bad behavior.
Lay down the law. If she can't abide by it, punish her. She'll continue to try to push the limits, and will undoubtedly throw a tantrum or two, but if you stick to your guns she should eventually learn what she can and cannot get away with. She's testing you. You are the adult. Set the boundaries, and don't let her cross them.
2007-03-13 11:14:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
however she feels about him, make her treat him with respect. it will help her as she goes through life to know how to respect people she doesn't necessarily like. also, you may want to take a good long look at this man. maybe he isn't worth her liking. could he be doing things to her that are causing her to dislike him? i hope not, but it happens every day.
2007-03-13 11:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
for 5.5 years you were hers and only hers. now she has to share?!
think about this for a minute:
you have a boyfriend for 5.5 years and now, all of a sudden, he has all kinds of things to do. no time for you. he expects you to stick around. how long would you stick around if he no longer had the time for you?
your daughter wants him gone - along with the baby.
has he tried having 'special time' with only her? it might be time.
2007-03-14 02:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are a lot of changes going on in her life and it's a lot to handle all at once
make sure you have some one on one time with her and she has some one on one time with her new step-dad
2007-03-13 13:52:16 · answer #10 · answered by Greeneyed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋