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I have an 11-year old son who needs to be punished for something he did. It was nothing terrible, but it DID involve skipping school. I have no idea what to do as a means of punishment because nothing phases him. I can take away everything he has (phone, computer, games, TV, ALL OF IT), and nothing changes. Aside from shipping him off to bording school, I am at my wits end.

Any words of advice? Please, only serious responses, and nothing about "beating your child" or "the bible says" this.... thank you!

2007-03-13 10:43:26 · 27 answers · asked by williwilli 1 in Family & Relationships Family

27 answers

My oldest daughter has been hell on wheels from the time she was five. If I had beaten her every time she needed it, my arm would have fallen off. I had to be creative in her punishments because the basics did not do it. She used to jump up and down on the couch after being told 15 million time not to. So one day I had her jump and down in place. At first she thought it was fun. About 15 minutes into she was begging to stop. I kept it up another 5 minutes and let her stop. I never caught her jumping on the couch again. When she was 14 she used to slam her bedroom door in protest which was every 5 minutes. I told her not to slam the door. So one day I had heard it enough. When she came in from school the next day her bedroom door was gone. Do you know how hard it is to have privacy without a door? I left it off for one month. She would never pick up her room, when I found a glass of spoiled milk in her room I hit the roof. I could have banished her from eating the room but she would have then been in the kitchen or living room taking out on every one else. So one day while she was at school I boxed up all of her belongings. I left her nothing but 5 outfits of clothes and her mattress on the floor. She let her room get a little out of order as is natural but I never found an icky mess again. She was forever and a day leaving her towels on the bathroom floor so I gave her two hand towels and locked up the rest. I made use the hand towels for 2 weeks and it was her responsibility to wash them. She used to threaten to runaway. I heard this for years. One day I had all I could take. So I bought a box of hefty garbage bags and told her there was my going away gift ... a matching set of luggage. They were used only for trash thank goodness. You have to take the things that mean the most. Electronics that are handed out as gifts are disposable to teens.

2007-03-14 09:47:22 · answer #1 · answered by cytopia1 3 · 1 1

Sounds more like you have a child who is literally bored to death. Him not being phased by anything, may be a sign that he is not interested. Yes he did wrong by skipping school and your punishment may not phase him.
You may need to find out why he is not interested in anything. A lot of kids who are bored are really struggling inside to find something that interests them. He may very well be a very smart individual that is not able to live up to his potential.
You may want to seek advice from the school counseler or some psych help. This doesn't mean he has issues, it means he is having a hard time with his abilities.
As far as punishment goes. All I can say is do the usual thing until you find out what is going on.

2007-03-13 17:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by logan 5 · 0 1

Oh man.. this is such a double edged sword. You have to punish the little freaks or they think they can do it again. But most punishments consist of groundings and taking things away and then they have more time to bother you. I would..( I have done this before) make him do something for someone else- like pull a neighbor's weeds or clean up the yard or something involving hard labor. Call your local animal shelter and have him volunteer there until you think his attitude has changed. Your city's office should be able to provide you with some things he could do as well. Good Luck!
(the older they get the worse they get.. so stick to your guns)

2007-03-13 17:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by Amy 3 · 0 1

I have an 10 year old son who does a lot of things to drive me crazy. but like me you also need to try to remember that its an age & stage. 1 punishment i do find works is hard labour. I remember one time he done something and at the time the grass needed cutting. (small yard) So i gave him the garden scissors and told him to cut the grass with the scissors. (3m x 4m area) and while he was doing that i wanted him to think about what he had done and why it was wrong. When he had a suitable answer he could stop cutting the grass. Well he tried many answers What he thought i wanted to hear. but each time i sent him back and eventually he thought long and hard. he finished the whole area ate his dinner had a shower and was in bed by 7pm. He has never done that thing again.

2007-03-13 18:35:52 · answer #4 · answered by icjojo2c 1 · 0 0

That stuff probably doesn't phase him because he knows it's always going to come back.

You could try making him do some really crappy work around the house...clean the toilets, clean the oven, under the stove. Try making him do stuff for his actions instead of taking stuff away temporarily. Or, if it's ok with him for him to skip school, maybe it's ok with him if you skip taking him to soccer practice (or whatever). You could threaten him that if it happens again you're taking him to get his hair shaved off, or you're going to make him wear a dress to school or something. (Now THAT would be horrible for him I'm sure!!) LOL!!

Otherwise, the only other thing I can think of is just to find out why he's doing this stuff, you know, try to reason with him.

Sorry I'm not much help...my guy's only 4 so I haven't had much practice!! LOL!!

2007-03-13 17:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by dazedandconfused 4 · 1 0

My friend had a similar situation with his daughter, as a punishment he walked her back into school wearing the most uncool clothes he had, and wore rotton old slippers on his feet, his daughter was mortified, when he then accompanied her to all her lessons that afternoon, he told her that if there ever was a next time? he would be in his boxer shorts and string vest, and that he would be there everyday for a week, the kids at school gave her soo much flak for 'dad' babysitting her at school, she never did it again, perhaps you could threaten something similar? Maybe not boxer shorts though! Hope this helps

2007-03-13 17:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by clare s 2 · 1 0

Your son has hit the magic age. At this time in their life they know everything about everything and you know nothing. It lasts until they are 23 or 24 or until they move out of the house. Once this happens your intelligence quotient goes way up and you become much smarter in their eyes. Realize that you will have to keep repeating the same old stuff over and over for 10 years as it takes this long to sink in.

2007-03-13 17:50:02 · answer #7 · answered by green3ch 6 · 1 0

You could try having him do community service work in your town. Maybe a few weeks in the soup kitchen will show him how lucky he is? Seeing how difficult it is for people that have nothing, may show him that is life isn't so dull. That his time could be better spent. Working to clean the school could also help him see how hard life could be for him. If he falls off the right track. He's starting early with some of the classic teen behavior. Hopefully he can settle down before he really comes of age.

2007-03-13 17:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by quel772o 3 · 0 1

I think you and he need to see an adolescent psychologist. That's what we had to do when our kids were in junior high and with bad behavior problems. The psychologist would see the child alone, us alone, and then the three of us together. It was VERY helpful. You will get parenting strategies that you hadn't thought of before and the support of the psychologist. It will help your relationship immensely and once the relationship begins to repair then some of the bad behavior will diminish. It's hard work to change habits for both parents and children, but it's worth it to stick to it. We have great relationships with our children now (both in mid 20's) and we wouldn't if it hadn't been for the counselling and support and advice we got during those turbulent years. Good luck.

2007-03-13 17:50:21 · answer #9 · answered by cowabunga mama 3 · 1 0

Since the incident happened involving school, talk with the teacher and principal to come up with a suitable and logical consequence for his actions.

Sounds like you are just getting started with the pre-teen stuff. There's a wonderful book by Jim Faye and Foster Kline called "Parenting Teenagers with Love and Logic". It became my "Bible" when my kids were younger.

Best of luck to you!

2007-03-13 17:47:31 · answer #10 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0 0

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