What are the odds my sons biological father will recognize him if he see's him?I am 22 yrs old i just graduated from college and have been married for only 4 months.I have a son who is four years old from a prior relationship this was never really an issue till recent events.I have never told anyone who my sons biological father is and never thought it would come up.Unfortunatley it did come up last week while at a wedding run-through for one of my hubbys old friends from high school.To my shock it was my sons biological father even though he has no idea he only remebers me as an ex.gf.My hubby who i spilled the details to is very angry about it wants me to tell him and i would prefer not to.What are the odds my ex. notices that my son and him look a lot a like at his wedding?
2007-03-13 10:38:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I kept this from my ex.bf who was my first everything because my son was made after are break-up while he had another gf.He is currently going to marry this same gf in 3 days
2007-03-13 10:41:37 · update #1
My son looks a lot like his biological father but has a few features from me.
2007-03-13 10:45:55 · update #2
The bio father is not going to see this child and think- hey that's my son. Not going to happen. The odds are totally in your favor.
But you are no longer the secret keeper, your new husband is the one with that power and whether or not you tell the ex I would bet a wazillion dollars he will do it for you. This is a very good time to RUN to a family law office and get the paperwork together to file for termination of parental rights for this bio father.
That way your new husband can adopt the child quickly and easily and then you will all go on to live happy every after. You will want to ask the bio father to meet with you and your husband AT the lawyers office. He may not even believe he is the bio father, dont kid yourself. BTW when you would go to enroll your child at school you would have to list a father on the paperwork and show his birth certificate, same deal with getting him a passport etc.. what did you put on the original birth certificate? If it is 'information not given' you have to take care of that with social security too and provide them with his fathers info or if your new husband died you could not get any benefits for your child. There is a LOT more then your feelings involved here.
good luck to you!!!
2007-03-13 12:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The odds of him figuring it out are based on a few things- is it a dry wedding or will there be liquor? Will he be drinking a lot? Does the kid look like him? Is she intelligent? Is he a clever thinker? Do you go by a different name or something?
I was in a similar situation as you (in regards to the beginning of the story about having a child w/o the birth father)... and I'd be furious if I had to be in a room with him. Oddly enough, my sister's new boss's husband was friend with my son's birth father! HE WAS IN THEIR WEDDING (which had just occurred right before my sister met her!!) Isn't that nuts? Small world, huh?
Edit: I know you said that your son was made after the break-up, so you never told him but come on, you have to know that's not right. Even if you wanted nothing from him, he should've been told.
Also, it sounds like the man you're married to now is a great guy. If you want your husband to adopt your son, you will need to get his birth father (birth father is politically correct term now) to either acknowledge paternity and consent or acknowledge paternity and deny to the adoption. It will cause issues later. I went thru this my son's birth father about 3 yrs ago with my son's adoption.
Also, if he finds out, he CAN (and probably will be successful) sue you for visitation. You don't want that issue. Have you thought about what could happen if you passed away? Your husband wouldn't have legal rights to your son. I feel for you!
Best of luck to you....
2007-03-13 10:43:03 · answer #2 · answered by Trouble's Mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you made the choice that you felt you had to in the situation, but do you think that your ex might be questioning it on his own? Not just by how your son looks but because of how old he is. Personally if your ex is not a threat to you or your son and your husband also thinks you should I would tell him. He does have the right to know. If you are not worried about help from your ex then if he decides he wants to keep it quite as well there is no harm done, but maybe he will want to be a part of his sons life and that would be awesome. Try and not think about your ex's fiance just about your son. It's up to your ex to tell her if he wants to. Good luck I hope this helps!!
2007-03-13 10:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by alaskagirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't matter who the baby's biological father is, unless there's a family history of disease and such. If you tell him, tell him for those reasons. The problem is, when he's getting married to another woman, it's RUDE to tell him he's the father of your baby.
When you decided not to tell him, you decided not to have his help raising the child. Don't let him help now.
Your husband accepted the child without knowing who the father is, and is now suddenly mad that it turned out to be his old highschool friend? That seems rather rude and wrong.
2007-03-13 14:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by firewater_tears 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never mind how you feel , or how your current man feels or how the biological father will feel once you told him , or if you don't ...Think of your child that you have been lying to, and think how he will feel if he ever found out . If you cant be honest how are you going to teach your child to be , think about it , you really want that weighing on your conscience , or deal with it appropriately and know you did the best for your son
2007-03-13 10:50:54 · answer #5 · answered by tlc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. Your current husband is best friends or at least friends with your ex boyfriend who is your baby's daddy? Hmmm. That is strange and for your ex not to know he has a son is also strange. I think you should come clean with him. He has a right to know. And, maybe he will notice. But that is kinda odd that his own son is in his wedding and he doesn't know it.
2007-03-13 10:44:33 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men are clueless when it comes to offspring; I doubt that your ex will even think about your son and his own possible connection. If in doubt, leave your son with a grandparent or other sitter, and don't take him to the wedding.
2007-03-13 10:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has a right to know and your son has a right to have his "real" dad in his life, when he gets older and finds out the truth- believe me he will- he will hate you for keeping it from him. Search your heart and do what is right.
2007-03-13 13:09:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was very selfish of you to keep this from him you should not have denied either party the right to know the other.
2007-03-13 10:44:13 · answer #9 · answered by jdmom99 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i THINK YOU SHOULD BRAKE IT TO THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER AND TELL HIM WHY YOU DIDNT WANNA TELL HIM.MAYBE HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
2007-03-13 10:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous101Blah Wuggles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋