i want to start my own religion?

Question

i need crazy stories (like those found in holy books e.g. burning bushs & virgin births) to get the ball rolling.... can i ask all you good people to answer with the most original stories you can come up with it will all be added to the "facts" of my new religion

feel free to draw upon "miracles" from your own life
writers of the best answers will become saints in the new faith

its all in good fun..... anyone with a problem should consult their doctor and ask for a sense of humour

Answer 1

I have a family member who keeps getting pregnant even though her boyfriend uses the 100% guaranteed contraceptive 'withdrawal method'. We cant understand why this still keeps happening and feel that she has been chosen to produce children due to the high intelligence that they both have.
Her boyfriend, who is the proud father of 8 children, cant understand why whoever he beds, some force gets them pregnant even though this method is used all the time.
I have a quote from him:
" I feel i am being victimized and due to this fact i will not be paying for these children. Let whatever force that is doing this buy their shoes".
I would love to find out how this is happening to 2 very clever and responsible people. Can anyone shine a light and lets pray for these people.

Answer 2

I don't know if this qualifies as a miracle, but I was attacked by a bunch of garden gnomes once and lived to tell about it. Attacked is maybe a slight exaggeration since they were stationary, and made of ceramic... but they were looking at me kind of funny.... and I'm pretty sure they were spawned in hell... so that's a religious aspect at least. Anyway... back to the miracle.... it's not exactly up there with "burning bush" but it's something. They basically had me cornered in the tool shed, so I started praying, and as if by magic a large crowbar appeared beside the lawnmower which enabled me to go all biblical on them. Almost immediately afterwards, the clouds opened up briefly, and this bright beam of sunlight shone down directly on all the shattered pieces of ceramic... which gave me an idea. Out of the broken remnants I constructed a colorful flower pot which I filled with earth and set by the window. The very next day, a second miracle occurred... a tiny sprout of wild basil had grown from the earth. Within a week there was enough basil for me to make a very serviceable pasta.

Answer 3

The mythology approach wouldn't be initially effective these days.

What you need to do is to make people feel good about themselves -- and associate that good feeling with you. For a recent example of how this has happened, see the book "Dianetics" and read up on the history of Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard. He didn't start on the mythology until he had a large group of people feeling good about themselves.

Answer 4

Well if you want your religion to seem real, you must remember that your god must be into punishing people, killing folks in his name and generally having a downer on anyone who doesn't toe the offiicial line.


If it is in good fun and purely fake - then how about something that basically says "love one another, do no harm and have some fun while you are alive".

If nothing else it might actually prove to be popular :)

Mark

Answer 5

Follow in the footsteps of the late great Jim Jones, and David Koresh among many other greats. Religion is not a thing to mess around with. There are enough of them reeking havok on the world so leave unwell enough alone.

Answer 6

Ha. Start by reading the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Answer 7

There is but one true religion, to visit the orphans and windows in their afflictions and keep yourself unspotted from the world, all else is just garbage!

Answer 8

properly you haven't any longer spoken approximately your objectives. Will you carry forth your very own philosophy or will you carry forth the word of God because it somewhat is? Will or no longer that's mainstream faith or based extra on fact? Do you no longer understand that people who lead a congregation are held to a greater accountability. In Gods eyes, in case you do no longer carry forth the certainty on your flock, he's going to hold you to blame for misguiding them. Hebrews 10:26, 27 states that “if we prepare sin willfully after having gained the precise awareness of the certainty, there is now no longer any sacrifice for sins left, yet there's a definite demanding expectation of judgment and there's a fiery jealousy that is going to devour those in opposition.” “YOU gained unfastened, provide unfastened.” (Matthew 10:8) Like many religious leaders, would be your source of earnings, (fleecing the flock). outdoors of the mandatory utilities. this would not set properly with the occasion Christ set. As in Jesus’ time, many in the present day are deceived in religious concerns and no ask your self! devil “has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, that the illumination of the superb good information relating to the Christ, who's the image of God, won't shine by way of.”—2 Corinthians 4:4. The e book of Revelation cautions against including something to the inspired checklist: “If every physique makes an addition to those issues, God will upload to him the plagues that are written during this scroll.”—Revelation 22:18. Christian fact is embodied interior the written word of God, the Bible. (John 17:17; 2 Timothy 3:sixteen; 2 John a million-4) the best expertise of it would not hinge on secular philosophy. concerning men who tried to apply human expertise to describe divine revelation, did no longer God make the expertise of the international silly?”—a million Corinthians a million:20. besides, the real Christian congregation is “a pillar and help of the certainty.” (a million Timothy 3:15) Its overseers look after the purity of their coaching in the congregation, scuffling with any doctrinal pollutant from creeping in. (2 Timothy 2:15-18, 25) they shop out of the congregation ‘fake prophets, fake instructors, and detrimental sects.’ (2 Peter 2:a million) After the dying of the apostles, the Church Fathers allowed “deceptive inspired utterances and teachings of demons” to take root interior the Christian congregation.—a million Timothy 4:a million. the end results of this apostasy are obvious in church homes in the present day. Its ideals and practices are a a techniques cry from Bible fact.

Answer 9

Do like everyone else recycle and plagiarize.

No one ever seems to catch on.

Answer 10

Do what other religions do: find lost and desperate people that can be convinced of anything. Then your followers can get more recruits and their recruits can get more recruits.

Doesn't this sound like multi-level marketing? lol