His teacher just called and he bit one of his friends over a truck that he was wanting to play with. He is a new three and has never bitten anyone. His teacher already talked to him about why they are not allowed to bite and showed him the spot on his friend's skin where he hurt him. My question is what else can my husband and I do to help him understand that this behavior is not appropriate (besides just telling him that). I don't believe in punishment and would like to think of something creative to teach him something.
2007-03-13 10:32:22 · 10 answers · asked by jackson 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
For all those people out there who are appalled by the fact that I don't believe in "punishment" and think my child is going to grow up to be an uncontrollable member of society, please let me clarify....
First, I have a degree in Child Development and I teach parenting classes to young parents in the area I live. The focus is pregnancy through age 3. So I am knowledgeable in this subject matter. However, this is the first time and probably only time MY child has bitten, so I wanted a creative way to handle the situation. In my beliefs, "punishment" harms a child physically or mentally, so I choose a term called "discipline" (which I believe that I mentioned in my original details) that gives the child consequences but also "teaches" them the reason why they should not continue to do the inappropriate behavior. So, yes, my child is being disciplined and yes he does have consequences. I promise that he is not just running amuck without any guidance. Thanks for those w/creative ideas!
2007-03-14 03:02:03 · update #1
You are right not to punish in this case. A child this young does not know that biting is wrong. You cannot punish a child for something he has yet to learn not to do.
Young children bite for many reasons. They may be teething and biting feels good. Or they are frustrated and/or angry over something but have not yet learned to verbalize their feelings.
Both the parent and teacher must supervise the child closely and remove him from any situation that might induce biting.
You must be clear that biting hurts and it is not okay to do so.
You could avoid situations by say, providing enough toys, for instance.
Teach the child to verbalize his/her feelings. If another child is trying to take a toy he is playing with, teach him to say "no!", rather than biting.
Biting a child back is a bad idea. It is like hitting a child to teach him not to hit others.
2007-03-13 10:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by Write Brain 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You said you don't believe in punishment. Okay, so let's just substitute that word with 'consequences.' There's always a consequence to your actions. Punishments don't always have to be spankings, if that's what you were trying to say. Take a doll or stuffed animal of his and do 'role play.' Pretend the doll is the child who was bitten & he starts crying. After biting it, ask your son, "why do you think he's sad?" Then ask him what he would do & how he would feel if someone bit him. Tell him that if he does it again, there will have to be consequences to his actions. It could be grounding him from a privilege, such as no tv or playing outside. Eventually, I'm sure he will start to get the action/reaction thing. He will learn to be sensitive to others.
2007-03-13 11:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by mom-of-4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister is a pre-k teacher and whether or not we agree with it, the most succesful way that she has found parents teaching their child not to bite, is to show them where they bit the other child and bite them back to show them it hurts! Of course they didn't break the skin or anything really harsh, they just bit enough for them to realize it isn't ok. No marks were left, from what I have been told. (I want to clarify that my sister isn't biting the children, its the parent of the child!)
As I said, it may not be the method I choose if that problem arises, but I know she said that's the only way many of her kids in class stopped doing it! Some kids have to learn by example, and letting them know how it feels may work.
The longer they bite, the harder it is to teach them to stop, according to my sister, the pre-k teacher, who puts them in time out and has a long chat with them.
2007-03-13 10:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My daughter (when she was a new 3) started to bite I just reinterated that "we do not bite our friends because its not nice" I treated the situation as though this was a learning experience and the same way i would teach her anything else is "wrong" and not allowed by constantly reinterating this will do because he will grow out of this as my daughter did.
2007-03-13 10:47:19 · answer #4 · answered by Friday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister also turned 3 this year and she has been biting people since she was 2 and the way i talk to her ris tell her about the concequences of biting a person and that it hurts the person really bad and that they should put their self in the persons position and they should wait paciently for any type of toy and should report the situation to their teacher if they dont give the toy
2007-03-13 10:46:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
rewards and consequences chart...I have a granddaughter that will be 3 in September..she gets to put her own stickers on a chart for anything positive she does and then when she gets so many, she gets a suprise or treat of some kind (healthy snacks, once in a while a sucker, extra trip somewhere etc) she loves getting to put them on the chart herself and she keeps wanting to earn more
time out chair if they bite, fight, kick, throw fit, etc
they hate sitting still at this age (only sit them there for 2 or 3 minutes) and they start learning that positive behavior = prizes and negative behavior =the chair and no fun
2007-03-13 10:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't believe in punishment? I don't think you really mean that. You may not believe in certain types of punishment. But your child must learn that actions (like biting) has consequences. Your child needs and deserves to be taught these valuble lessons now before he really hurts someone.
2007-03-13 10:42:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
"I don't believe in punishment"
Sounds to me like you just answered your own question. He's biting because there's no consequences in his life. Be a parent and set some boundaries.
2007-03-13 10:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
YOU DONT BELIEVE IN PUNISHMENT??!! I hate to see your kid as an adult. He is going to be MESSED UP. He should be punished when he does something bad. Or else he is just going to think he can get away with anything.
2007-03-13 10:40:38 · answer #9 · answered by Kari R 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Tell him about germs and how he could get infected if he drew blood.
2007-03-13 10:37:46 · answer #10 · answered by siaosi 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋