mother and father in law?

Question

my father in laws brother has got the big c ,he was only given a few months to live anyway my in laws have only been to see him once maybe twice in the past 4 months , sadly he slipped into a coma 2day and the hospital dont think that he will make it the night ,now my mother and father in law are running around like headless chickens to get to the hospital and say there good byes if needed ,
im sorry to say this makes me sick thay have known for months that he had cancer and there was no hope ,was just a matter of waiting for the day for him to die , i just cant understand if that was my brother or sister that had cancer i wouldnt be going to see them every now and again i spend as much time with them while i could,

Answer 1

well i must say that if it were any of my sons who had this illness i would be there from day 1 and i would stay with him till the very end....sorry but i just cannot accept the fact that they did not go to see him when he most needed them, he must have been very scared and needed them with him in his final moment..it's unacceptable in my eyes....they will feel this in time to come, and they will have regrets, it's up to them to get up and see this man before it's too late

Answer 2

When somebody you really care about is told they have cancer and not much time left, it some times effects you differently. some people are right there for every thing they can be. While others can barely speak about it. It doesn't make you sick at all. Just try to understand this is their way of dealing with his soon to be death.

Answer 3

my mom passed away with cancer when i woz 17 we didnt know she had it she died the day after she was admitted to hospital that was 12 yr ago 2 yr ago my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer he had treatment and got the all clear a year after he had a massive stroke and massive heart attack was rushed in 2 intensive care in there well over a week has bin placed in a care home 3 month ago lost movement all his right side he didnt know who we was when we was visiting him i have a 3 n half year old son that loves grandad but it is horrible seeing him like he is and my son cries and gets upset that i go very rarely to visit its ok for you to say that you wud be there all the time, sitting and waiting is the hardest thing to do there is nothing anyone can do but wait maybe they are dealing with things the best they can and you shouldnt judge them for this because its not your brother u dont know what it feels like

Answer 4

for a second i was wondering cuz this sounds like what happened to my father inlaws brother who had onlt a few months to live..they never went to visit him they claimed dad will get tired driving to see him(note they have a driver who drives) so sad that father inlaws bootay would hurt sitting down for the 2 hour trip to see his brother how gay,,then one night they called him and said say ur goodbyes hes in the hospital so FIL said i cant come tonight im tired ill come tomorrow i was shocked what kind of a man is he thats his brother not some neighbor.cut the story short his bros daughter called and said plz come visit my dad u must come so he said ok ill come..i thought they would stay (MIL &FIL) the night BUT the lamers visit him he wasnt awake so they left back home do u believe this..but he didnt die that night and they still didnt visit him much and when he died they went and came home the same day..same day after he died how is this humanly possible for them to come back home the SAME DAY..so u know what its not that people have diff ways of acting although they care its just that they dont care at all if u care ur not an alien humans r the same..u care it will show..and when u dont care that will show too

Answer 5

Please,please don`t judge them.
My brother had a brain bleed and was in intensive care. Mum could not visit him, she couldn`t face the horror of her `baby` being so ill (he was 50 years old) Once he was back on a ward she managed to go but sadly he had to go back into intensive care where he died. She did see him just before he was pronounced dead but said she wished she hadn`t . Mum was the kindest,most wonderful mother any child could have wished for. She just couldn`t face the death of a beloved son.
As she said" its not natural for a mother to bury her child"
Be there for them and give them love and understanding. We all react differently to grief.

Answer 6

Different people react in different ways. Don't judge them, just be there for them. They probably feel bad enough now and know what they have done.

Show compassion - there may have been history there you don't know about. You obviously care deeply about this, but by remaining neutral you will be the strongest.

Answer 7

It`s because they feel guilty over the way they have been
wait for the funeral they will act as if they were the only people who cared for him
then they will be gone and back to their om little world

Answer 8

We all cannot say how we would react to some family member being terminally ill until it happens. we all react differently. It could be that they could not cope with seeing him deteriorating as his illness progressed? many people cant cope to actually see this decline. many want to remember the person as they were.
as many have said. Don't judge as you have no right to judge. they are probably as upset as you.

Answer 9

everyone is different and have different ways of dealing with their feelings. I think they must have thought he would last longer.they probably feel bad not seeing more of him now don't think too badly of them they probably feel bad enough now I am like you and would have practically lived on the doorstep sorry to hear of your sad news

Answer 10

well some people are so odd.they don,t want to know, but as soon as someone is dying they want to be,all around.its guilt.and they think they won,t get a guilty conscious,then they can brag and say we did our duty,but you know the true story,