WHEN do kids grow out of throwing temper tantrums?

Question

My daughter is 5 and I am embarrassed that I cant stop her from pitching fits. Especially in public....I am at my wits end with
her. HELP ME PLEASE!!!

Answer 1

Although your question describes what seems to be a lack of control over your daughter, I must say that fit throwing at five is still a relatively normal behavior. What must be examined at this point in her development is the outcome of the tantrums.

Ask yourself these questions and answer honestly:

1) Do I ever give in to her wishes when she throws a fit?
2) Do I lose my temper when she throws a fit?
3) Do I have a "grown-up" tantrum when I don't get my way?

If the answer to any of these questions in yes, then it is my suggestion that you examine and correct your own behavior and responses to your daughter. Children will only behave in a way that benefits them. If fit throwing achieves her desired outcome then it will continue to be her weapon of choice.

The way to correct this bad behavior is to change your own in order to ensure that she doesn't get what she wants out of the tantrum.

In addition to correcting your own behavior, here is a wonderful and fun method for correcting tantrums. We have done this many, many times over the years, both at home and in public. Works like a charm. Just make absolutely certain that you are sincere, do not be sarcastic or condecending, your daughter will see right through it.

Throw a "Fit-party.
If you normally get angry when she starts her screaming, do the exact opposite. Muster all your strength, smile sweetly and thank your daughter for her fit because you now get to enjoy a fit party. Turn your attention away from your daughter as you dig in your purse for a cherished piece of chocolate saved just for this occasion. Make it very clear, in the sweetest manner possible, that you get to enjoy this piece of candy because your daughter is throwing her fit. Indulge in the candy and under no means what so ever should you share with your daughter. She got her fit, so you get your candy. If she stops her tantrum, finish your candy, smile, kiss her on the forehead and thank her again for the fit party, then move on, making no more mention of it.
I hope this suggestion helps. Let me know.

Answer 2

Isn't it embarrassing!
Thing is tho, if she thinks she can get what she wants (attention, sweeties) by throwing tantrum, she will. In this context, attention is reward, so ignore her. Don't give eye contact, don't try soothing her.
Next time the temper tantrum will be shorter and with luck you won't get a third. A friend of mine got on the floor and screamed and yelled with her son. He was so embarrassed he stopped immediately. She got up and said 'That's what you look like when you are having a tantrum.' You have to have the nerve to do this tho.
Every time she goes shopping with you and behaves, comment admiringly on how well she is behaving - e.g we got the shopping done quickly well today because you behaved so well, so we have some extra time. What would you like to do with it?
Is there anything that sets her off, a particular situation that gets her going? Does she give warning signs? A timely bit of distraction could head her off before she gets going e.g can you get the cereal you like from the end of the aisle?
Hope this helps

Answer 3

My son is two and has bad tantrums, not because he is allowed to get away with it mind you, but he is testing to see if he CAN. We usually stop this by ignoring him letting him have it out, or by telling him that he will have time out or toys taken (this is usually when he starts taking his fits out on walls and whatnot)consistency is REALLY important and letting her know that you mean what you say! But the fact is kids will test you all the way into the teen years! the fits may not be the same but they are still fits. For a 5 year old, if she starts up in a store leave the store and go have time out in the parking lot, or tell her to calm down and start taking favorite toys away(just make sure you DO it not just say it). Try talking and interacting with her more, find things to do together. Ask her if she is upset about something else that happened earlier that is putting her in this mood. I know that a two year old is a two year old but my son has told me before that he was upset because he didn't get to see his granny, though something may seem trivial to us it is a big deal for them. The site below is something i recommend for parents because it helps me SO much when I need options! It is free so no worries there.

Answer 4

As soon as she starts, LEAVE where you are. She needs to know that her behaviour is unacceptable...and the punishment is that you will leave the store, restaurant etc. It is hard to do, because it may mean leaving a cart with groceries in it; getting food to go in restaurant...but believe me...she will stop when she sees that you mean what you say. It isn't fun to throw a fit without an audience. Honestly, if you leave the public place and head for the car as soon as she starts...she will stop after only about 2 trips home. I left the grocery store only once when my daughter tried to throw a fit...and she has never done it since. The consequence is that if she can't act decently in public, than she can't be in public places. She'll get the picture.

Answer 5

sorry, but i don't think they ever do! maybe u could try to divert her attention,before she has a full on fit or otherwise just try to ignore her(easier said than done i know). Kids usually do it for attention, so if u walk away when she's going in to one she should stop ( no one watching her ,no attention what's the point). It worked for me hun took a little while though,but the distraction thing works well too. Don't worry about other mother's looking at u either as most of us have been through the same thing and completely understand! Good luck and if that doesn't work but yourself some earplugs!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

My honest opinion there are things that your girl has to understand are totally unacceptable to you and you will not tolerate themno matter what regardless in private or in public. She should know that if she repeats this you will embarass herin public and really scold her adn she will not be joining you out again. When any of my children (i have 5, 4 and 1 year old) start lousy behavior or attitude I say if you want to behave like that you find another home you will not be living with me with such manners. I could ignore alot but there are rules that will never be broken or easily ignored like highering her voice or shouting at me or even punching me etc UNACCEPTABLE! If she won't know her limits with you and she is only 5 Iido not want to imagine what will happen when she is 15. RESPECT is what you deserve and nothing else and she has to know this it is not an option it is a MUST!

Answer 7

That's because you have always acknowledged her fits rather than ignore them. The fits are thrown in order to get attention...keep giving her the attention (negative atteiton is STILL attention) and she will continue to throw the tantrums. Stop taking her in public. Put her in time out when she starts throwing a fit or place her in he bedroom and put some headphones on at home and ignore her. Once she realizes her tantrums aren't going to get her what she wants she will stop.

Answer 8

Not to be funny, but some don't ever outgrow it. We've all seen 40 year-olds have fits. I'm sure it isembarrassing, but you have to put an end to it now. It will only get worse and she will do other things that show her lack of respect for your authority. Best answer is to consistantly give consequences for her actions. Every time she acts out, you need to follow up with the disciplinary action of your choice. The punishment should fit the crime! Good luck, mom!

Answer 9

Some children take their tantrums right through to adulthood. My daughters 8 in 2 weeks and with her its attitude. Since starting school it has got worse every year. Sometimes i would prefer her to throw herself on the floor and shout for a couple of minutes than in almost all conversations include a cocky attitude and backchat.
I work with pre school age children and did a course called Webster Stratton and it gives many techniques in reducing unwanted behaviour.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Watch Super Nanny.

You need to let her know that YOU ARE IN CHARGE.
When she throws a fit....send her to her room and tell her to stay there until she is done and ready to apologize to you.

If you are in public.......stop what you are doing and leave.
Let her know that you are leaving because she does not know how to behave in public. When she wants to go someplace tell her NO....when you show me that you can behave like a young lady then I will take you........

You cant give in.......YOU have to be the mom and put your foot down.......figuratively speaking, of course.

Also, remember to keep calm.......kids feed off others emotions. So if you are yelling at her.....she is going to feed off that. Stay calm and walk out........carry her out, if need be and then put her back down.

There are so many parents out there......dont be embarrassed.