Should i really let my in-laws take my daughter for 4 months?

Question

1.) My daughter is 2 and has always stayed home with either me or my mother-in-law.

2.) My in-laws are from Bulgaria and it is very normal for the grandparents to take a big part in raising the children.

3.) My father-in-law is a ship captain and will take my daughter to Bulgaria on the ship and back to the US on the ship 4 months later. There is no other way for the trip to be shorter.

4.) There is no way i can go.

5.) My daughter would have a good time on the sea and in the mountains, and have lots of good food.

6.) Couldn't feelings of abandonment be an issue?

7.) My mother-in-law nags me every day to give them my daughter and she said that they will be very upset (mostly at me) if they don't get her.

8.) I would have a very hard time letting this happen...i would have to be tranquilized for days; yet i get the feeling that i am only thinking of my feelings and not of what is best for my daughter.
-Am i not using my head?

Answer 1

Personally I would say no. She is too young to be away from her mother for 4 months. You are still bonding...and so many things will change for her in 4 months. Would you rather have an upset mother in law or miss your daughter for 4 months??

Answer 2

I'm confused as to why they need to take her for 4 months if they can see her now. In the first question you said your daughter stays at home with either you or the mother in law. For the Bulgarian tradition I would wager that it means when they are close-by not send them out of the country to do it. I don't understand why you can't go either. I don't let my in-laws take my daughter to Indiana which is 16 hours away from me for a week like they want too, but I let them know that the reason is because she shouldn't be separated from me like that and hint that if they really want her to go I have to go too. I definitely think that at some point she will feel abandoned and that it would be too hard on you as well. And it's okay to not share your children for 4 months in a foreign country.
Tell them that when she's 6 you will talk to them about her taking a trip. Especially so that she will remember it. And I would bet they want to make it a yearly thing if they're starting this young, its not a one time thing to them. If you start now and try to say no next year they're only going to try and guilt you into it more. Explain to them that it's not that you don't trust them its just that it's too far away and for too long of a time.

Answer 3

I don't think you are thinking of yourself. Your daughter needs you at this young age and more than likely will not remember this trip in the future other than from photos and grandma repeating the information to her. I had to let my daughter stay with her father (divorced) for a week in another town but same state and I didn't sleep much the whole time she was gone. Why doesn't your mother-in-law just stay with you and the baby for the 4 months while her husband is at sea? That is a long time to wonder what is happening to your baby and is she safe. I would rather have my in-laws upset with me for a while than to have my small child away for so long. It would be different if she were a teenager. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think the idea is crazy--yes in many cultures it is okay--but that is not your culture--it is okay to be open-minded towards other cultures but not so open-minded that you ignore your own feelings--also-yes--regardless of loving in-laws and grandparents--the child needs MOM the MOST--period--there is simply NO substitute if mom is around--that's the way it works--I am of Indian origin (India)--and I know lots of parents( well--several people) who sent their kids to live in India with parents while they finished med school etc..later those kids grew up--were very close to their grandparents and very resentful of their parents-it's like they felt abandoned by them---grandparents can play a wonderful additional role in a child's life but unless the parents are deceased--they should not be replacing the parents--especially the mom's role--No Way--and from the looks of it-your in-laws--although kind--are very traditional and old school--if you give up your child so easily at this age--honey--you will have so many more battles to face--they will think they know better than you on other issues as well--I wouldn't DREAM of letting the situation you described happen--you are not being selfish--you are just being a loving mother...Stay strong--you can't please others all the time--being a good mom means doing what is best for you and your child--not making everyone else happy all the time...

Answer 5

You aren't in Bulgaria. People WILL look at you very strangely if you do this. Recently our Chinese neighbors let the grandparents take their 18 month old son away to China--it ended up being a year in the end. There is just no way to explain that kind of decision away. Your daughter needs you; if you can't go with, she shouldn't go.

Answer 6

You're the mommy. If you don't think you can live without your little one, then tell them no! I mean, i'm sure you won't be the only one upset, i'm sure your little one will wonder why her mommy is giving her away for 4 months and cry for days on end. Especially if she's never been away from mommy for so long. Sure it would be a good trip, but maybe when she's a little older and you can manage better. If you would have to be tranquilized for days as you say, i don't think it is healthy for you or your daughter. That's my opinion. :) Good luck and i hope you do what's best for the both of you. :)

Answer 7

You need to wait I think. Maybe let her go when shes around 6-8 years old. But I know they want to be a part in raising her but if theres no way you can go and shes going to be stranded on a ship for 4 months at only 4 years old thats crazy.

Answer 8

4 months is way, way, way too long for a 2 year old. Even if it is normal for grandparents to take care of grandchildren...it's not to take them for months when you can't be with her.

This is a bad idea. Do NOT let your in-laws make you feel bad if you don't let your baby go with them. Personally, I think the entire concept of this idea is ridiculous and I wouldn't even consider it!

Absolutely not...NO WAY, NO WAY would I ever allow this with my own child.

And do you really want your 2 year old daughter on a ship full of sailors without your supervision?? The entire idea is completely ludacris.

Answer 9

NO WAY!!! She's way to young to be away from you for that long. Maybe when she was a little older like 5 or 6.... and she wanted to go and you felt comfortable with it! Your in-laws will get over it and if they don't at least you did what was right for your child. They progress so much at this age you 2 would miss so much together!

Answer 10

At 2 years of age the child should not be separated from her mother. Feelings of abandonment would be a BIG issue. Don't do it to your daughter. Please. This is not for your sake but for your daughter's sake. Tell your mother-in-law "NO." Four months is a very long time for a child and I would suggest that your daughter be in school before she could handle that length of a separation.