I used to visit my sister and her husband since I was about 8 years old. A time happend when my brother in law came to me during the night to massage his back. I was never raised in a family where I would know what this meant. Furtunately my sister woke up and made him go back to bed. It never happened again, About 5 years later my neice, 10 years old, told me that her father (same in-law) was abusing her . She said at first she was confused as well as frightened but he was gentle and she learned to feel love for him. I asked if she wanted me to go to the rest of the family or talk with her mother but she said no. As she got older, she has turned my caring into a support trip where she sets me up when she feels the need to act out. She calls me to take the fall for her. I just don't feel this is my role and I think she needs to take her actions into her own hands. Please give me advice on what I should do.
2007-03-13 08:56:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To put some of your minds at rest, we are both adults now. However, as she ages she gets more involved in hiding behind me after she starts trouble etc. I am getting tired of getting in trouble for her. I did tell my mother (her grandmother one day when I just had to let it out. It was over the phone and I was in another state at the time. I don't know what happened. I don't think my neice and her father are linked intmately any more she still sees him and you would never know there was abuse. She married and tried to have children but can never have any. I was told that happends to abused girls. I think I get into it by feeling sorry for her.
2007-03-14 03:41:44 · update #1
Let me see if I'm getting this right: When you were 8 your BIL came to you for a massage but was sent away when your sis woke up. Then when your niece was 10 and you were 13 she told you her dad (the same guy) had been molesting her but neither of you told any adult what was going on. How much later than that 10 and 13 are we talking now?
My very uneducated guess is she's acting out with you because she knows you know what's happening. Since you know the bad stuff that's happening the thought going through her mind is that you can't get mad at her for acting this way.
The problem is that you both sound pretty young and shouldn't be dealing with this on your own. If she won't take it to an adult you NEED to. She definitely needs help dealing with this problem and you don't need to be her scapegoat.
Can you please go talk to your mom about this and get some help handling the problem?
2007-03-13 14:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened to her is not your fault. If you're allowing yourself to be in this position because you think it is, then stop now and realize that it's not. You were not the one that molested her and you were only 8 years old! My daughter's 7 and I can't imagine she'd know what to do in that situation either or if she'd even understand it.
I feel bad for both of you and I agree that she needs to take responsiblity for her actions. She also needs help to get past what's happened her. Acting out isn't going to make it go away and will only cause her additional problems.
I also agree with the one that said PRAY. That is excellent advice in any situation. Never underestimate God's power. He loves you and wants to help!
2007-03-13 09:11:48 · answer #2 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason...if she is an adult (18 or over) that you need to be as involved as you are. If I am understanding you correctly, she is now an adult. If she is under the age of 18 then you really need to talk to her Mom. I understand that you didn't want to when you were younger..the trust issue...but your a grown person, now. And you know the truth about the man. This needs to be dealt with...and you need to sit her down and explain how your feeling. It seems that there are enough victims in the situation without making yourself and emotional victim.
2007-03-13 09:16:12 · answer #3 · answered by HDGranny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't enable destructive behavior. You should also say something to your sister about whats going on. Obviously she should have had some inkling that something wasn't right way back when he wanted a massage from you. She should know that her daughter is being abused, whether the daughter feels love for him or not - she is being abused.
2007-03-13 09:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you should have told someone before but now shes older and I dont know how old but call someone like a counsler and ask for help . Oh and it will get messy anyway you look at it!
2007-03-13 09:03:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pray.
2007-03-13 09:03:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋