If the kids do not live with you, why is it such a bad thing to help support the children you help make? You are hopefully helping emotionaly etc.(if you can see them), so why hate the fact that you have to help pay for them too?
2007-03-13 08:50:29 · 13 answers · asked by laceywat1 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I worded it because of answers I have read in here. And sorry but the majority is fathers paying the support!
2007-03-13 09:04:43 · update #1
to jaylie, i do not need a better education or unbiased view, I am asking for dad's opinons who do not pay support. It should have nothing to do with divorce or anything else except paying for THEIR children. If you hate the ex wife fine, probably a reason. I didn't ask that. But thanks for your answer.
2007-03-13 09:49:51 · update #2
My husband pays child support for his two sons from a previous relationship and we see them regularly. My ex, on the other hand, was fine with child support and visitation until I remarried. As soon I was married, the games began. He started quiting his jobs, hiding his employment, and calling me every name in the book to my new husband to try to get him to leave me. Then he went and married a girlfriend to try to get custody from me by saying SHE could take care of the kids why should he have to pay child support when he had a woman at home? It got even worse when I had a child with my new husband. THEN he started trashing me to the kids and saying that is not their step dads child and he shouldn't have to pay for me to sit on my a** taking care of someone elses child. When he couldn't get custody of the boys, he beat the crap out of his new wife and now he can't even SEE his children because of it. I think a lot of it is jealousy over the ex-wife, not so much the kids. I know my ex can afford the support (which is MUCH lower than the court recommendation because of me) but he REFUSES to support his children. He is even willing to give up his freedom for it. But still, every week, my new husband sends out the support for his other two sons and we just don't understand. It is an obligation to your children and as long as the ex doesn't try to take you for all you've got "in the name of the children" because "their worth more", then I don't see what the problem is with these men.
2007-03-14 13:33:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The answer is far less simple than implying that all dads view child support as punishment. Rather, most dads are more than willing to support their children, what disturbs them is a lack of legal support for visitation problems.
Actually you could probably find the answer yourself if you put the shoe on the other foot. There is a lot more to child support than saying, "why is it such a bad thing to help support the children you help make?"
When a divorce occurs, generally there are some really bad feelings about the soon to be ex-spouse. Further, there are other questions that have to be answered about each specific relationship in order to understand why a father would view child support as a form of punishment. Did the mother file for divorce? What were the reasons? Was there considerable animosity over custody issues?
Further, while I realize being responsible for the "custodial" household does incur a greater expense, you should also consider that while you enjoy the day to day affections of the children and therefore have a greater bond as a result of it, the non-custodial parent is missing out on these day to day revelations of affection.
Certainly not all dads are in this category, but really your question is dependent on many factors and broadly applying this question illustrates many misconceptions of divorce, fathers, mothers and children.
If you really want an education on child support you should go to the US Governments web site or do a search for Title IV-D of the Social Security Act. If you can look at it from an unbiased point of view, you'll find out a whole lot about why divorces are so screwed up and the true instigator of continued turmoil really lies within the family court system.
2007-03-13 09:20:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jaylie W 1 · 2⤊ 4⤋
I believe a fair amount of hate might come from being unjustly removed from home and children. Certainly acts of physical abuse, cheating, drugs, gambling etc are just cause for men to get the boot but there are many, I'm sure, who deserve to be waking up in the same house as their kids while paying their way and are not because of an unreasonable spouse.
2007-03-13 09:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by Mark 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband pays support for his two children from his first marriage and I can tell you that paying for them is not a problem at all for him it's paying child support and STILL having to buy EVERY pair of shoes for both, ALL haircuts, 100% of school expenses and extra stuff..not to mention carrying Health insurance on them AND getting stuck with all the health bills. We just wish the kids would benefit from it a little...we know that it also pays for living expenses home, utilities etc....but really creates a sore spot when ya hear the electricity has been cut off or you call and dododo...the number you have reached has been temporarily disconnected....After 8 years of that...it's just becomes annoying...Good post
2007-03-13 11:02:57 · answer #4 · answered by proud2btysmom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
well support is one thing, but allot of woman feed there kids crackers and cheese but yet drive Cadillac's.Then allot of woman play the call my new boyfriend daddy game. That is the NUMBER ONE WAY to **** daddy off.that pretty much will turn any guy into a deadbeat quick. Basically if the kid lives with mom all dad has is his title.All you woman even you Manbashers have seen it, it's just like the people who live in a 400,000 dollar house but get food stamps or the guy who is fine but has a handicap sticker, woman abuse the child support system as well. Woman are vindictive, Men are however even more stubborn, if the guy thinks something fishy is going on with the money or the new b/f is daddy, that's it !he will stop paying and no man woman cop judge or any one except MAYBE JESUS HIS SELF IN PERSON will change his mind. This is just a percentage of the dead beat population i don't speak for the really sorry dads i think that if mom dose right and the support is fair he should pay, but mom doing right and fair support are rare
2007-03-13 18:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I pay child support to my ex husband. I don't see it as a punishment.
I find it very difficult to pay it though. I work full time, in school full time and still have to fork out the freaking money because he is greedy. And yes he is...
He remarried and my children don't go to daycare--they go home to his new wife. Well, if I am paying for her a** to sit at home and take care of my children, then why can't I claim Dependent Care Credit on my taxes? Forget that.
I didn't work when I was married to him, so when we divorced I did NOT take any income out of the household--so why the big deal now when I am struggling to survive? Because his lazy wife wants the money.
I am all for taking my daughters out and getting them clothes and buying them what they need--but I have a real problem paying a glorified babysitter who won't even help them with their homework. (Probably because she can't read English).
Oh well---sorry for going off there.
I think if the courts really looked at the whole picture and not just the monetary value of everything then it would be different. It is nearly impossible to get ahead and save for your future if you are busy padding someone else's bank account.
2007-03-13 09:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
ha ha ha its funny how they think that we are punishing them, hmm maybe they should have thought about that before they fondled a 14 year old knowing she was 14 eh? or that chick that was soooo hot, or beating us and saying things that were just mean. For those that didn't do any of that then well they don't deserve to be put down but if they didn't then they more than likely pay an don't care as long as the kids are safe right?
2007-03-13 08:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by WINGS 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
My childrens father does not think it is necessary for him to pay child support becasue i have two incomes coming in and he doesnt so i should not need his money.
2007-03-13 09:03:42 · answer #8 · answered by dak81205 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
as a divorced father with son living with me, and a dead beat mother who contributes nothing, I just have to ask why you put the question in such a biased way.
2007-03-13 08:58:28 · answer #9 · answered by hustolemyname 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
But there are some women out there who use the money to buy things for themselves and not for the children. They give good mothers a bad name. It is a vagina-not an ATM machine.
2007-03-13 08:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋