The reason I know he cheats is because I am a snoop. I admit every chance I get I check his cell phone I figured out his voicemail code. I listen to his messages, delete and record numbers. I snoop around his apartment and in his car. I know it's wrong but I should'nt be finding things when I do snoop. We plan to marry and he is a great dad to my kids. He also helps w/ bills w/out me asking, and he is very romantic. Am I sabotaging my relationship. HELP IT IS BREAKING MY HEART!!!
2007-03-13 08:49:38 · 16 answers · asked by awynter77 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
obviously u dont trust him n trust is the basis of a relationship....without trust u dont have much of ne thing...either u can start trusting him or leave him...n if hes cheating on u now hes gonna stay cheating on you ...so its ur choice but my opinion is leave him hes obviously not the right one 4 u
2007-03-13 09:01:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not think you are the one sabotaging the relationship by snooping, true maybe you shouldn't be doing it but he shouldn't be giving you a reason to do it either. If he cheats on you, the relationship is not going right and he shouldn't be considered "otherwise perfect." Cheating is a big deal in a relationship and should be treated accordingly. Talk to him about it. If he is man enough, he will admit it and stop but truthfully, he has already made his bed. He cheats and has done it numerous times. This is not the man you should want your children growing up admiring and modeling. Kick this guy to the curb.
2007-03-13 15:58:12 · answer #2 · answered by First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok- devil's advocate here. If a guy is constantly being accused of cheating- or being spy'd on because you think he is cheating- he eventually will start cheating. Let me explain my logic before people who read my response freak out. I dated this guy when I was 20-22 (too young to be thinking marriage I might point out) and we were going to be getting married. I had SERIOUS jealousy issues- and they were not because of him. I felt insecure and I was certain there was no way he could love just me because I didn't have any self-esteem. So, I was ALWAYS accusing him of cheating, checking his phone, his email, his voicemails- and then I would find something that would like suspicious and I would freak out and fly off the handle. Eventually, he did start cheating on me. When I asked why- he just said- you were always treating me like a cheater- so if I am going to be punished as one I am going to act like one.
I PUSHED him into cheating on me.
Now, granted, cheating is cheating- and it hurts like nothing else- but I promise you can work through it and learn to be confident in yourself and make your boyfriend want none other than you. I did end up breaking up with that guy- but we had a baby together before the cheating happened and today we are friends- we both have happy healthy relationships where neither of us cheat or are being cheated on.
I also want to point of that you sound a little young in your posting. Time will help with cheating- young boys don't get it when they are young- but they do stop as they get older.
2007-03-13 16:09:15 · answer #3 · answered by Nickster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship is lacking so many things, I can only list the top two! Number one is TRUST. You can't trust him and you DON'T. Secondly, you are snooping around, knowing what you will find. What level is this bringing you DOWN too? And you say he is "otherwise perfect"...humm, cheating is a huge defect. Doesn't sound like either of you are ready for marriage.
2007-03-13 15:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by janice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Otherwise perfect??? I think not. You are going to marry this guy and you know hes cheating?? Who cares if he pays your bills and likes your kids. This is all going to turn out very bad and you are only going to get hurt.
Do you know what the meaning of marriage is?? "a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction" He is not ready for marriage. He cant be devoted to you if he is sleeping around.
2007-03-13 15:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Harsh reality- he is not perfect. You can do better, your daughter deserves better. You shouldn't have to deal with the heartache or feel paranoid like you have to snoop. Do not marry this man. You are sabotaging your relationship by staying in it. I hope everything works out for you. Be strong and self confident. Good luck!
2007-03-13 15:55:29 · answer #6 · answered by Katie P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HAVE YOU LOST IT!!! thats no relationship (at least not a healthy one) who cares if he helps with bills or if he's romantic, he CHEATS on you. What is sad, is you are so insecure about it, you have to dig through his things to find he is cheating when you already have a gut feeling he's doing it anyways. Do yourself some good and ditch this guy, yes it may break your heart to do it, but isn't he doing it to you in the meantime, trust me sweetie, time heals ALL!
2007-03-13 15:56:43 · answer #7 · answered by smiles_amile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like both of you have issues and shouldn't even be considering marriage anytime soon. Stop snooping. It's dishonest and makes you untrustworthy. Unless you've confronted him on his cheating, it's meaningless and he thinks he's gotten away with it. You will have to admit to snooping and he won't like it. If these issues don't get resolved, they will blow up in your faces and your children will suffer more than they already are. You both should seek counseling.
2007-03-13 15:56:37 · answer #8 · answered by eehco 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's sabotaging the relationship by cheating...if you are constantly looking through his things it's because you don't trust him (and for good reason) why would you bother marrying someone like that just because he is otehrwise good to you and your kids? I don't know trust, loyalty are what strong lasting relationships build on. You are both being dishonest in this but seem to feel somekind of obligation to one another.
2007-03-13 15:54:49 · answer #9 · answered by shayshay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wait....cuz you snoop he cheats? pft. no thats not the reason. He is not a real man, thats the reason. You need to break it off. You can do better then that
2007-03-13 15:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋