What do you do when your whole family is terrified of your mom!?

Question

My mom is a devout catholic, strict and old-fashioned. She is also outspoken and preachy. She dominates my father and he does anything she wants and believes everything she tells him to. None of my siblings ever stand up to her. For example, if my mother comes up with some crazy idea that Pokemon is evil, they will all nod their heads in agreement but will then go and buy their children pokemon toys behind her back anyways.
I am getting married soon and my mother WILL demand certain religious things be done regarding my wedding and I do not want to do them! But nobody in my family EVER disagrees with her or stands up to her. I'm the baby of the family, I hate confrontation and I dont want to be the "black sheep", BUT I can barely live with myself for some of the things I have agreed with her on and said and done just to please her in the past. I can't go on doing it anymore but I'm terrified of disagreeing with her or upsetting her because she'll cry and ball!
What do I do!?!?!?!?!?

Answer 1

Being a Catholic she wouldn't want you to lie either. This is YOUR wedding and it should be what YOU and YOUR FIANCE decide is done. You should first talk to you father and siblings and let them know that you will be having a talk with your mom about certain things. Tell them you would appreciate their support. Then have a talk with your mom (just the two of you maybe at lunch in a restaurant or at least at the kitchen table with no interruptions). Tell her how you and your fiance feel about certain things she's asking be done at your wedding and that they won't be done. Tell her you don't want to feel like a hypocrite or liar and that's why you want to have an adult conversation with her about these issues. Ask her why these things mean so much to her, is it just so other people will approve? That's not a good reason to do anything. You may also have a talk with your pastor/preacher about these issues and maybe he would attend the talk with you to help your mother understand your concerns. Good luck and God Bless your marriage.

Answer 2

This is when you tell your mother to stay in her own boat. What that means is worry about your own life and don't try to get into mine. I also have a mother who is demanding and overbearing. At some point you will have to stand up to your mother and you can do it in a loving way as to not offend her ( although if she is like my mom she still will) But try this..Mom I really do appreciate your input but I am my mothers daughter and you have taught me to be Strong willed although I know that this (what ever it is) is important to you I just don't feel it is Right for my wedding. And then quickly move to a different subject... and remember pick your battles. Good luck

Answer 3

If you are over 18 and paying for all the expenses of your wedding without any assistance form your parents, then you make your own decisions. If your parents are paying for any part of the wedding, your mother has some say in what she is paying for. The best solution may be to go to a Justice of the Peace or to Las Vegas and just do it then inform your family. There may be a lot of yelling and wailing, but it will pass.

Answer 4

You are starting a new life with your (soon to be ) wife. Is this going to be YOUR life or one that is forever controlled by your Mother. How long do you think your wife will fit into that scenario if she has to submit to every demand of her Mother-in-law.

Yes , your Mom will cry and get into a major snit, and decide never to speak to you again...........the list will go on and on I am sure..........but you have to tell her from the get go that this is YOUR wedding (not hers), and YOUR marriage (not hers), and if you need any advice you will ask for it. You do not want her to give her advice under any circumstances.

You are an adult and so is she. If she can't handle your requests, then it is her problem, not yours. Your wife will greatly respect your decision.

Answer 5

You let her know she cant control your life or how you want to get married she will only cry because she wants to make you feel bad and she wants to make you think that you actually hurt her and in your offense what do you do you fix the problem just to please her and it has to stop !! You may be related to your sibilings but just remember your NOT your sibilings and just because they never stood there grounds dont mean you shouldnt stand your grounds you live your life and live it to how you want it to be lived because your mom cant live your life she can only tell you how to live your life and even than you dont have to accept any of it...Good Luck

Answer 6

I had a mother who was similar. The downside was that she would make anyone who didn't 'toe the line' miserable.

I suggest you elope, and move far away. Visit now and then.

Otherwise, you are setting up for the Battle of the Millenia, and she's much more experienced at this than you.

Answer 7

my moms the same i put to through pycolygy [i knoww im a bad boy for doing that ]but my whole family had problems with her my dad couldnt watch sports my sis couldnt watch cartoons for 2 months for one litte word [stupid] and i couldent buy any pokemon games for a whole year[ i traded them from my friends]......oh yeah confront her tell her shes not your babysitter tell her u vcouldd take care your self......sorry about that i kinda went to far with my problems ....SORRY..

Answer 8

if she doesn't like the way u do things and wines & crys about it "ignore it" she will eventually get tierd and leave u alone! (or it works w/ bullies!)
or do "exactly oppisite" of what she says!

Answer 9

Confront her! Or else... She is never gonna stop if you don't do that now!