Nice guys finish last???

Question

Girls, do you believe that nice guys find it more difficult to attract and then keep a woman?

I consider myself to be an ok looking guy in his 30's with a decent job but when I have a girlfriend the better I treat her the more I seem to be taken advantage of. Should I try to act against my own nature and be a bit tougher. I enjoy paying for meals, buying gifts etc. Is this a turn off?

The more this happens, the more it affects my confidence and self esteem. Will I ever find happiness as I am or should I try and be a bit more mysterious and harder to get and lay off the gifts and meals?

Any advice would be appreciated by this very confused man xx

Answer 1

I am the same way you are and I can tell you, don't change the way you treat ladies except maybe wait until you get to know them better before you start buying gifts and stuff. You will aways find women who are looking for a guy to take advantage of, someone they can talk into buying them anything they want. Eventually the right lady will come along and everything will work out. Sometimes its the lady who insists on paying her own way on the first date that works out best, because she at least shows that she doesn't expect you to pay for everything. Good Luck

Answer 2

Where have you been all my life lol.

Well, no I think nice guys don't finish last. All the girls that pick the bad-good-looking-abusive-ungentleman-Guys always wished they had pick the good, nice guy. At least the ones I know. I would say be who you are don't try to change just space things out more or give gifts that don't cost money. Be more romantic. Also, what type of girl are you looking for or do you usually date? Maybe you are going for the material girls, or the bimbos, try going for the simple girls, there are several out there. I think you are doing fine, on your part, girls are suppose to offer to pay, and guys are suppose to pay when you go out on dates. When it becomes more of a serious relationship still dating but nothing set in stone then say something like " Lets go out to eat.....my treat" Maybe she'll catch your drift and next time it'll be her treat. Either that or take turns paying. You can excuse yourself to the bathroom after the meal and wait and see if she picks up the check lol. I would say that the only thing (I dont know if your doing it) is being to pushy or to clingy, women sometimes do that but I don't know if man do it. Don't be hard to get, that mysterious, or cocky, I HATE Cocky-ness. Be confident instead. Gifts can be given only on anniversaries or special occasions as would be restaurant meals, instead try to cook for her at home.

Just some ideas. Hope it helps.

Answer 3

Personally, I like nice guys....with a spine. Being nice is one thing but make sure you're not behaving like a sucker. Don't buy gifts to entice women. If you do, then that's exactly what you'll get: Women who want a sugar daddy. Some women will take as many favors or gifts as you offer without any thought of reciprocating. Most of them know that they don't deserve the gifts and think you must be a fool not to know that. You need to learn how to handle your business better. By that I mean you should be more cautious with your money and more observant of how women behave. Save the gifts and favors until you get to know the person and had the opportunity to develop some sort of bond. Your money or gifts cannot buy love or loyalty. Be nice but don't be a fool.

Answer 4

Nah!!! When you're looking for love in all the wrong places you wind up with the kind of woman who has issues that make a wholesome relationship impossible. If you're trying to buy love or appease others around the object of your affection you're bound to wind up empty handed and broken hearted.

So stop beating yourself up because you've taken a trip down lover's lane with a few trollips who wouldn't know what to do with a good man and maybe you'll see that most women are just like us guys, they're looking for a wholesome relationship that will last longer then a ride to the dark end of the street.

Answer 5

Nice guys don't finish last in my book. My boyfriend is a nice guy and pays for meals and buys me gifts. I do have to admit though, I sometimes test how far I can push him. I will say things like, "Can you buy me this purse?" No matter what I ask, my boyfriend always says yes. I was just kidding, of course, and never accept if I ask for something but it is reassuring that he will always be there to help me when needed. He knows I don't take advantage of him, and in turn, I also like to buy him gifts and pay for dinner some nights also, even though he says he feels like a bum when I pay.

My advice would be, don't start with the extravagant gifts and meals when you first start dating. Wait until you know who she really is and if you really like her. When and if she is deserving, then spoil, she will appreciate it.

Answer 6

Do nice guys finish last? Only when they choose to...that goes for anyone.

Should you change your behavior? Depends...there's a difference in being nice, and being a doormat. Nice is something most people like, doormat is something few people respect.

Be yourself, but take a look at your behavior with women...paying for meals is nice, and gifts are nice...but how often are you buying them gifts? How often do you agree to what they want without viewing your own opinion or changing your opinion to fit theirs?

The "bad boys" don't necessarily have better luck with women than "good guys" do...you just tend to hear less from them about it when it doesn't work out. They are more likely to let rejection roll off of them, and to take break-ups with a grain of salt, and move on.

People can't take advantage of you unless you let them...try not to cross the line between being nice, and being used.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that this has happened to you and other 'nice' guys out there. i am only 19 and haven't had many relationships, but i can tell you that if you were my man i wouldn't take you for granted and if you bought me thing (or didn't) the fact that you'd treat me with respect would not be a turn-off.
i don't know what these other girls want, but don't let them bring your confidence and self-esteem down. be who you are i am sure you'll find the right girl for you.

Answer 8

I do believe that it is harder for nice guy to keep a girl. Maybe a meal once in a while and a gift only on special occasions. Only once in a while not frequent. If you buy her things offten then she will think that you are trying to hard. I know this is a little confussing(because i am confussed about her behavior).Give a little but leave a little to the imagination. Women love that. Or i do anyways. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Don't stop being who you are. Keep being the traditional gentleman. Maybe you should be a bit more selective when it comes to girlfriends. The right woman for you will appreciate all you do and reciprocate. Look for the signs early in the relationship and don't overdo it too soon.

Answer 10

I don't believe this is true but it would seem maybe you're attracted to women who are inclined to take advantage. Have you considered maybe suggesting dates go dutch until you have a more regular relationship? It would be a shame to let this affect you when it should be the women's problem, not yours. I hope you find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not what you'll spend.