I am in a tough position right now. I was raised in a strict Catholic home and because of a lot of traumatizing things (involving my mother telling my the world would end before I turned 18 amongst many other things) I no longer go to church or believe in most of what the catholic church preaches. My mother does not know how I feel as I have never confronted her on what she did to me as a child and I have never had the opportunity to tell her I no longer go to church. She is very devout and would be devestated if I did not get married in the church. My fiance' who is lutheran has agreed to get married in the catholic church to please my mother. It doesnt bother me to jump the hoops and what-not, because I want to keep peace in my family.
My problem is, I know we're going to have to talk with a priest before we marry and what if it comes out that I no longer believe? I'm really not one to lie, so if the priest finds out that I'm doing this just for my mom, will he still marry us?
2007-03-13 07:55:56 · 10 answers · asked by snailysnal 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I said i am NOT one to lie, I never said I was planning on lying. I think some people misread what i said.
2007-03-15 08:29:34 · update #1
Whether or not the priest will marry you will depend on the priest himself. I think you should be completely honest with him about the situation; he might have a some ideas for you. As much as I hate to say it, things like this do happen fairly often. Find an older priest (meaning, a man who has been a priest for a while now) who has a compassionate ear and talk to him about the situation at your very first meeting.
My opinion is that marriage is something too sacred to be taken lightly. If the sacrament (which is what you are specifically celebrating in a Catholic wedding) is meaningless to you, than why would you do it? I understand parental pressure and wanting to respect your mother, but you do have to take care of yourself first.
2007-03-13 08:24:51 · answer #1 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important for you to realize that it was not the Catholic Church that was wrong, predicting the end of the world would come before you turned 18. That was your mom's mistake. Do not use your mom's mistake to justify your own mistake, of placing blame on the Catholic Church.
The Official teaching of the Church is that there is no way for us to know when the Second Coming of Christ will occur. The idea that the world would end before you turned 18 was entirely your mom's teaching, not that of the Church.
What's more, be refusing to attend mass, you hurt yourself a lot more than you hurt the Church. Do you really think God will be impressed by spite?
If Peace is what you seek, then be honest with your mom. Blessed are the Peace MAKERS. Make your peace with your mom by being honest with her ONLY if you intend to come back to the Church,
Indeed, coming back to the Church is entirely necessary for you to be married in the Catholic Church. The priest merely presides over the ceremony, to make sure the Sacrament occurs. It is the bride and the bridegroom who administer the Sacrament to each other. In choosing to pose as a Catholic, when you do not believe, means the Sacrament may not be valid.
If it really is not in your interest to be caught in a lie, you MUST come to terms with the Catholic Faith and, by extension, you mom..
2007-03-14 12:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by Daver 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question. If the only reason your beliefs are in doubt is because of what your mother told you, then check them out with the Priest. If, as you say "you no longer believe", that would imply that you did believe something at one time. In either case, a meeting with either a Lutheran or Catholic Priest before you get married would be a good start to root out your concerns. It is vital to the success of your marriage that the both of you be mostly on the same page with regards to religion. Most everyone questions what they believe at some point in their life so you're not alone. You did not mention how your future husband views your concerns? What does he believe? Include him every step of the way with your journey to discover what you're going through. To answer your question, a conservative Priest would probably not want you to marry until your questions are resolved. In the end however, your decision to marry is yours...not your mother's. Whatever you decide is up to you. You and your fiance' are not marrrying your mother. It's good to be concerned but ultimately at the end of the day, when the covers come down and the lights go out, it's your husband you're with; not your mother. Respect her always of course but settle the issue between you and your future husband. Best wishes to both of you.
2007-03-13 16:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by GOTTNOOZ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to rephrase your question, some ppl might get confused. :)
I think you should talk to a priest, and be honest with him. If he decides you shouldn't be married, then maybe you should listen to him. Is your future spouse aware that you don't believe? Is he ok with it? Would a lutheran pastor marry you in his church?
I think honesty is the best. You mom deserves to know the truth, even if it will hurt her. It's best not to lie to someone who is considering the eligability of your marriage either (the priest) because he will be looking at othe compatibility issues besides faith. Why lie to the one trying to help you?
Also, search your heart. Is there no faith left inside, at all? Even if you don't agree with the way you were raised, is there no God? Is lying worth it just to get your own way? Should your life-long marriage begin with a lie? These are questions to ask yourself, in my opinion.
Hope it helps!
2007-03-13 15:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by ...... 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just get married in the Lutheran church. They have no rules. The way your mom treated you is a fair exchange for you devastating her by marrying elsewhere.
Plus you can tell her that the Lutheran church was started by a disgruntled ex-Catholic, so what better place for a disgruntled ex-Catholic to get married.
2007-03-13 15:01:21 · answer #5 · answered by Kris B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had an atheist friend marry a Catholic. He married them, but I recall that they were required to have the ceremony somewhere else besides inside the church building.
2007-03-13 15:01:10 · answer #6 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun you have more problems than not being a believer in the catholic church...you need to deal with the issues with your mom...do not get married in the catholic church just to please her and do not lie to the priest-----luce
2007-03-13 15:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by The Real Juice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget what your mum wonts and think what you wont I believe to marry in the catholic church you are promissing to bring your children up catholic.
2007-03-13 15:20:07 · answer #8 · answered by Mim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot.
It should come out. You should be honest. With EVERYBODY!! Including your mom.
And - don't be surprised of your Priest says "NO".
2007-03-13 15:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Priests aren't permitted to marry.
Maybe just some heavy petting?
2007-03-13 14:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋