Ok, my best friend just told me today that she got drunk and a friend forced her to do stuff with him. when she told her boyfriend what happened, he cried and now she feels like crap. i've never done anything like that, so i want to know how to help her. she can't charge the friend with anything even though he is over 18, but it wojuld only be his word against her! HELP ME!! a dying friend. i told her that it will make her and her boyfriends relationship stronger in the long run, but i still need helps!
2007-03-13 07:19:54 · 5 answers · asked by J.Funk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First off.....why did she get drunk in the first place and put herself in this situation? Not very good judgement on her part.
Secondly.....it was good she was honest about it and told her boyfriend but I don't understand how this will make her relationship with her friend any stronger as he will likely have a big trust issue with her now.
Thirdly.......I think it's best if you stay out of it and let them solve their problem on their own or you may find yourself on the outside looking in.
As for the rest....I hoped she has thought about this and that it is a lesson well learned and she will use better judgement in the future.
Most importantly.....she should report this to the police and have them deal with this guy.Too many women turn a blind eye to these situations and then it happens to others down the road. She needs to think of other women and protecting them from this so-called friend. Her word will absolutely count for a lot.That is the only thing you should get involved in.Please tell her she has to go to the police and report this now.
2007-03-13 07:44:01 · answer #1 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you were just told today..... and you girls are best friends, get ahold of her and encourage her that it might not be just her word against his. Have her keep from washing her clothes and evidence can be derived - - especially if um.... he forced anal sex & she bled.
ok with that being said; if you girls still decide to not pursue that avenue the best way you can help in the short term is to continue to be there for her. Encourage her to be complete and honest with her boyfriend. Even to the point of saying the reason she went out drinking was because he was not giving her enough attention - - or that she just really needed some fun and tried to communicate it to him.
Encourage her that perhaps she does need to be more direct with him on what her needs are.
If he desires.... she needs to be painfully honest about exactly how and what was done in the episode. If she loves him and truly wants to keep him she needs to tell him so.
Also if he desires.....well let me put it this way - - - if she never gave her boyfriend oral sex & as a result of the drinking did with this other guy - - then asap she needs to give the boyfriend oral. I can't give the blanket statement as such for anal, because it really is rough on girls to do such : really messes with ability to have normal ability to deficate- so she has much more say on it & he should completley understand.
long term, sounds like she should only go out drinking with those she knows will not take advantage of her. Based on what you wrote she may have any variation of a couple rare conditions where drunkeness leaves the person highly inept for choices and open to the slightest suggestion - - - all the way to the extreme of profound temporary psychosis.
keep encouraging her that this is just a temporary time. that you are her friend & if the boyfriend does not love her enough to be with her and help see her through this time - - she will be able to find a better guy. keep telling her that day by day it will get better, she is not a bad person it was a simple mistake..... yet at the same time encourage her (in a week or so) to very honest with herself. Did she secretly want this other guy to want her ???.... was she curious about the stuff he forced her into & then it was just too much?
only she can answer that.
but for the time being be there for her & keep talking.
good luck.
oh ... ps.... in a month or so, just in case the guy that did this has any diseases - she will want to get a blood test.
2007-03-13 14:52:38 · answer #2 · answered by dharp66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably not going to make her relationship with her boyfriend stronger in the long run. She should get tested for pregnancy and STDs and know now that alcohol is as dangerous as any drug. It's done. She has to live with consequences. The guy was no friend. I hope she knows that. I hope she also thinks about what she is going to do if she is pregnant - it's possible (I'm assuming you meant she had sex with him) and what she is going to do the next time she drinks alcohol. Will she stop after one drink, two, three or how many? What did getting drunk get for her? It is good for her to think about that now since there will be many similar situations in the future.
2007-03-17 13:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sexual abuse, and rape is a crime.
your friend needs to contact the police....even if it is only his word against hers! if he does it again, the police will, at least have a record of a complaint fild against him.
if she doesn't report this guy, others will likely suffer... the person who forced her to do "stuff" with him isn't about to stop with her.
2007-03-13 14:25:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wat?
2007-03-17 11:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋