Has anyone else been through this? 7 year old diagnosed with ODD and IED.?

Question

My 7 year old has always had a different way to him and for years we were told that he was ADD/ADHD, well he is not and he has been formally diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder with Intermitten Explosive Disorder. I have gotten over the initial feelings of guilt and denial that something could be wrong with my child, and I am doing my best to care for him and respect that he is wired differently, however I am struggling to find ways to discipline him and deal with him still, the stress is almost unsurmountable. Weekly counseling appointments, daily calls from the school, because the medicine isn't enough and they don't want to work with him they just want to up his dosage, little family support and 2 other young children in the home that do not understand why their brother is not being punished as often as they do. If anyone can help relate their experiences or just talk email me.

Not that I do not discipline him, but I have to be cautious and pick my battles. I do not want a minor rule violation to completely be blown out of proportion and explode into chaos. The school wants to up his doses not the counselor. Maybe I posed the question improperly, my apologies. Any and all support is appreciated though.

Answer 1

I worked with kids with disabilities for years. My husband has ADHD and ODD, and I know it is tough. You can take a stand with the school and tell them that you are working with a doctor and he will decide what to do with the dosage, they are to work with him and you and find other ways to help him besides medicating him to the gills. At home, there is no reason he can't be disciplined for his behavior, just because he is ODD doesn't mean that he can't learn and that's what discipline means. In the midst of an explosion, he can't learn, but he can be sent out of the living areas so everyone else can live in peace. In calmer moments, have him tell you stories about how people feel when he is doing those things, and how people feel when they are being controlled. Help him see that other people have his feelings of lack of control too. Have him make up a code word that tells you he feels like his head is spinning out of control, then he can warn you a little bit before he explodes. Work with him at home and school about accepting responsibility for the aftermath of an episode. He needs to see and understand. Talk with his counselor and him about making a list of things he can control, and ways he can control things, and things he can't. Teach him the serenity prayer, (substitute whatever higher power or have him pray to himself) and help him to say it frequently to remind him to take life as it comes. Another good coping/relaxation technique is to take him to the ocean or a large lake. Have him stand in the waves, talk with him about how it feels like he will fall. Talk with him about how he can't stop the wave, but he can prepare his muscles and stay standing. Use that experience and tell him life is like the waves, some things just happen and we must ready our muscles and let the wash over us. Find a sitter that can handle him (try the local college or email me if you are in SW MN) and take a break for yourself. Realize that each day will bring more maturity and growth, like a plant, we can't always see it everyday but if we take a step back, we can see the changes.

Answer 2

My daughter was diagnosed with ODD with ADHD
tendencies. When she was little she kept trying to
"run" her classroom, home and anything else. We
were told that there wasn't any medicine that would
help with ODD. She went through counseling and is
now 15 and doing very well in the classroom. I feel
for you. If all the counselors want to do is up the
dosage then you might want to find a different
counselor. My daughter is still ODD but she has
accepted the fact that she isn't in charge. I wish you luck.