Break up???

Question

My sister broke up with her boyfriend about 5, maybe 6 days ago, they were together for 4 years. And she seemed fine after that firtst night. she went on relatively normal if not happier than when she was with him.
Then last night her boyfriend came by, and wanted to "talk". they left the house and went to where i can only assume was his house. They were gone for the better part of two hours. And now they are back together, you may think this sounds lke a good thing, but, they have broken up before; she said she didn't see a future with him and he felt the same; once one of my sister's freinds was pretty damn sure she saw him kissing another girl; and he is leaving soon to go to a different college that is pretty far away. But we think he schmoosed her until she caved in.
I think them getting back together was a big mistake, and so do my parents.
Are we wrong? Should they get back together? Didn't she need more time after the break up

Answer 1

It's nice that you and your parents are looking out for your sister. But you can't control who she dates. You should be weary though. It sounds as if they shouldn't be together, especially if neither one sees a future together and they keep breaking up. Maybe they are just used to each other and aren't quite sure of how to move on. If he has to convince her to be with him, then it's not meant to be. Try talking to her. Not to berate her but just to know why she is back with him. Let her know that you care for her and want what is best for her. Offer your support to her.

Answer 2

Does your sister have a life of her own, or do you and your parents decide everything for her? It sure would be helpful to have more info here, like her age and the age of her BF.

This "we think he schmoozed her" business is a big rush to judgment here because you cannot know what it was they discussed for those two hours. You put "talk" in quotes as if to imply that he wanted some "make up" sex with her. Also the observation of "she seems happier" may be a case of you overlaying youjr negative feelings about the boyfriend. Ditto to the sister's friend who "allegedly saw him kiss another girl." -- that may not be reliable either. I get the distinct impression that you, your parents, and your sister's friend do not hold this guy in high regard.

Trouble is, your sister does.

All of these well thought-out, logical reasons why the two of them should not be back together won't hold any water compared to how your sister feels about her BF, and her desire to work things out with him on her own.

The two of them need some help in the relationship department from an objective observer (insert the word, "counselor" here). They were together for four years, so they have a lot of history together, and the fact that they broke up before is a sign that they do not know how to deal with significant relationship issues.

Who knows why they broke up? Maybe because he will be leaving soon for a far away college? That would be a big bone of contention in any relationship.

But, whatever the reason, I think she has to decide for herself whether she will continue this as a long-distance relationship or not. She also has to decide what will be acceptable behavior for him while he is away.

My point is to let her handle it. You can offer advice if you are asked to give it, but don't volunteer it. Same goes for the parents. The biggest help that you can provide is to find a relationship counselor for both your sister and her boyfriend to see. Their relationship is at a crossroads, and professional help is what she needs to help her get through it.

Answer 3

It's tough to watch a family member self-destruct because they think with their heart and not with their head. Think about how many guys, will mistreat a woman (and vice-verse) yet stay with them. I'm willing to bet the bank that this clown will be playing around with other women at the college within the 1st month. From what you said, he's already doing that before he's even left yet. The problem is, your sister is the type of woman, who isn't thinking clearly. She believes his line of bull, ("babes, I never did that, don't you believe me) because she has issues of her own that she needs to face, then overcome. She needs to sit down with someone (how about you, sis?) and find out what kind of hold this user, loser, of a guy, has on her. Is it purely sexual. Does she feel that she can't get a man if she loses this one? Does she think her life begins and ends with this guy? Does she have some insecurity issues? Does she actually believe everything he tells her? My bet is yes. She actually believes these things. This leads to insecurity issues. Talk to her. If she's smart, she'll break off this farce of a relationship and find someone who isn't playing games and lieing through his teeth. Let her read some of the responses from the readers. We don't know you personally, but we know about the idiot-type, loser boyfriends that abuse the women they're with. Move on, young lady. You can do better. Be more independent. Get your education so that you will not have to rely on a man to take care of you. Be self supportive, as much as possible. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think your just being there for your sister and that's great. I think that if she saw no future with him they shouldn't be back together. When it come to being in long term relationships , it's hard to wanna break up out of a fear. The fear is never being able to be as comfortable with another person as you were with the one you were dating. She really could have used more time. Just continue to be there and support her. Don't push your opinions on her she'll have to realize on her own. It will only be a matter of time before there problem that made them break up in the first place, will surface again. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Maybe you and your parents are both wrong and right. I know it seems pretty impossible to you guys but it sounds like from your question that your sister and this guy are pretty happy together. But if one of her friends think they saw him kissing another girl you should talk to your sister. Personally I don't think this guy is right for her. But then again I don't know you or your sister. I do think she needed more time. Also if he is going to a far-away college......... Then maybe it is time to go our separate ways and meet back up with each other with different feelings.

Answer 6

I think that the thing to do is you and your parent should take her out to dinner or lunch and explain how you all feel.Tell her that you are all concerned for her well being and you don't want to see her get hurt again.But keep in mind that she is an adult [I hope] and you don't want her to think that you wont be there when she really needs you.If he is going to move away then maybe they will break up again and she can find someone new.Only time will tell.Try to remember that she needs to feel like she is in control of her own life you just want to be there to back her up.Good luck.

Answer 7

You are right. I do not think this is going to go anywhere, but to be honest with you...your sister will do what she wants...she will make her own mistakes and cry her own tears.

You can, as a loving brother tell her what you think...I will guarantee you she already knows what you are going to say....that is why she will refuse to hear you out...

Soon he will be gone and he will cheat and the relationship will end...nothing more needs to be done...if they were thinking marriage then you should worry, but that is not the case

Answer 8

Unfortunately, you can't make that decision for her, she's the only one that can decide that. They are still young, and she is very well aware he is leaving for a college. The best thing you can do is try to be there for her, no matter what she decides. It'll be important that you support her, even if you think she's wrong. (you can still support her, even if you don't support her decision - it might make a big difference later on for her)

Answer 9

Sounds like a relationship that isn't going to work. You are right with that. However, sometimes girls will do what they want, even when its making a mistake. If it turns out to be one, then at least she found out herself, you know? Also there might be reasons that she doens't tell you guys about. Tell her how you feel, just don't be surprised if she doesn't listen. I hope she does listen though, sounds bad to me.
Good luck to you =)

Answer 10

People have to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. Let sleeping dogs lay