my boyfriend for almost a year...im waiting to be married, i bring him to church & bible study, my mom talked to him about being saved & he prayed but he didnt know what it meant so he wasnt saved, but on sunday after church 2 weeks ago my dad talked to him, he was crying and he prayed again, he said he felt different. Wed he bought me and engagement ring, and he said he prayed that God would give him the strength to tell me about stuff that he was lieing to me about. (i didn't know he was lieing) Thursday he got in a really bad car accident and had to get medivaced to the hospital so he gave me his phone to hold & call his parents. while i was waiting in the er his phone rang so i answered it to let people know that he was hurt, instead i found out the turth about him having a drug problem, still hung out with his ex, flirted w/girls? i broke up w/ him but is it stupid of me to want to wait 4 God to change him? This sunday he came to church on his own. Hes only been saved 2 weeks.
2007-03-13 06:20:00 · 30 answers · asked by Lek 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
we havent slept together he said he respected that i wanted to wait to be married.
2007-03-13 06:30:01 · update #1
I you are still looking for advice about your problem. I am a father of 4 and have been married for 24 years...and I say that to say this...Make a relationship work, DON'T try to make a relationship FIT! Spend your time and energy on a relationship that fits in your Christian lifestyle. We are called to forgive but not to be naive.
1st: be patent, God's timetable may not be just the way we want in to be but he dose have a plan.
2nd, Give this guy sometime alone and see if he loves the Lord just wants to impress you. Let some time pass with out the romantic entanglements to see if he bears fruit. Remember the fruit of the Spirit? Love (not lust or infatuation, read I Corinthians 13:4-7), joy, peace, patents, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Let him prove his love for the Savior...then you.
2007-03-15 05:41:08 · answer #1 · answered by mrbemuspoint 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personly believe you did what was best for the both of you,. for your sake and his,. This kind of problem is not an easy call, for it is what you have in your heart for this person,. And i think you should ask him why, and let him know this passes the boundary you have, and that this is not an acceptable thing for you Communication is a Very important thing,. common since says no,. But there are so many different kinds of people that in some cultures this is ok,. so be clear with him, Tell Him " NO WAY BUDDIE " and then watch him close for a while with no ties to him and remember-
2 Corinthians 5:16-18 (New American Standard Bible)
16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer.
17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,
Cross references:
1. 2 Corinthians 5:16 : John 8:15; 2 Cor 11:18; Phil 3:4
2. 2 Corinthians 5:17 : Rom 16:7
3. 2 Corinthians 5:17 : John 3:3; Rom 6:4; Gal 6:15
4. 2 Corinthians 5:17 : Is 43:18; 65:17; Eph 4:24; Rev 21:4
5. 2 Corinthians 5:18 : 1 Cor 11:12
6. 2 Corinthians 5:18 : Rom 5:10; Col 1:20
7. 2 Corinthians 5:18 : 1 Cor 3:5
2007-03-13 21:55:51 · answer #2 · answered by Larry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a lot to handle. Isn't it? Ok- you may not like my answer, but it's my opinion on what I would do. Because he made efforts to begin to know God, that was the first step to him being saved. Would you agree on that? Ok- the second thing is, he prayed for God to give him the strength to tell you about things that he had been doing, and hadn't told you. That was probably a huge step for him. You have the right to be angry and hurt and all those other emotions, but remember, God will forgive him, so you should too. It may not be easy, but the bible says, "Be angry, but sin not." If this the man that God wants you to marry, then He will make it so things work out. I would pray, and keep going before God on what to do. If it were me, I would wait and see what God does in him. You might be really surprised what takes place. And I would want to be there to encourage him through everything. It would be a very good step in your guys' relationship, and eventually, marriage to make God your guys' number one priority. Read Jeremiah 29:11. That'll keep your focus, as you deal with this. I'll pray for you, that you seek God's will in this situation, and not your own. And that you can forgive your boyfriend.
2007-03-13 13:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by Agent Pierce 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've looked at some of your other questions and this doesn't look like it's made up. This girl has a problem. Thing is, he lied and lied and lied to you and when he was apparently "saved" he didn't take the opportunity to be truthful. So he didn't respect you or he lied about being saved, and probably both.
Now you know what he's really like - and the BIG deal here is that he's a filthy liar - tell him to get out of your life and never come back. Everything he said to you for a year was a lie, how are you going to hear him say, "But sweetie, I've changed", and know he's anything else?
That's the end of a bad period of your life. You can move on and find someone who respects you.
And don't rush, or get your old man to rush, into getting people on their knees. Your ex proved it doesn't work.
2007-03-13 13:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by Bad Liberal 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do need to wait, and give God time to work on him. When a person is saved, not all their sins, habits and problems immediately disappear. (Mine didn't, did yours?)
If he is sincere, the changes will come. It may take a few months (or years). But it will be worth waiting for. You do not want to start a marriage with the guy still lying, drugging, flirting, etc. Give God time to clean him first. (2 weeks isn;t very long).
And if he is a fake, God will reveal it. And then bring you something better.....
You (and he) will be in my prayers today.
2007-03-13 13:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by dewcoons 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you get married you have to shoulder his baggage. His ex, his children what have you. And then, drugs, sex, alcoholism are very powerful addictions. Addictions are real. I am sure there is a way out, but DO YOU WISH TO MAKE THAT YOUR PROBLEM?
God honors marriage relatioships, and expects us to do the same. But marriages are not made in heaven! Or, atleast there is no biblical evidence!!!
I would say leave him. There is a good chance you would be better of with someone else.
2007-03-13 13:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully we can not answer this for you. You need to pray and ask God to give you a sign if he wants you to stay with him. Being a new christian is hard and it does not mean that he is going to be immediately cured of his past problems. It is going to be a long process. Start talking to your pastor and his parents, get support from friends. Just remember, it may sound harsh, but God does not operate like a microwave or vending machine. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-03-13 13:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by scrow_80 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, its not stupid to wait. Remember-he was lost, and he was acting and living like a lost person. Lying and cheating is really common-even among Christians. If you love him, and you feel he loves you-then by all means wait, for a while. Maybe a year is not too long. You should however call off the marriage for now-let him know why. If he straightens up and flys right-them re-engage later. If not-drop him.
2007-03-13 13:34:44 · answer #8 · answered by John S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would separate your spiritual relationship from your dating relationship; get the first one stabilized and the other will take care of itself. Don't worry about putting the cart before the horse, or neither one will get where they need to go. Take care of the horse, and the cart will follow.
To love your neighbor means to care for that person's soul.
Your boyfriend needs encouragement and support to recover from the past and get on stable ground. I very much encourage you to be there for him as spiritual support. Let him know you will do whatever it takes to help him stabilize so you can have an honest healthy relationship. If he keeps working with the pastor, and others more qualified to help with addiction and recovery, he has a very good chance of success. But he cannot use you in place of real recovery counseling. You can support him through it, but he needs to take those steps himself and cannot use you as an emotional crutch.
There are times that people I really wanted to help, would use me as a crutch and not really turn to God to break their habits that made them need me. So this was not good for their soul. So at times I would have to be "out of their lives" so they could get the real help and real work they needed done, and then I would come back. Otherwise I would impede their progress. Training wheels are good for beginners riding a bike, but eventually they need to balance on their own.
So let him know you support him spiritually, and make sure he takes all the steps and doesn't skip some, thinking "things will change on their own." It takes a lot of work to resolve unresolved relationships with family where control issues and addictive behavior comes from. This is not something you can just stop with your mind, but have to work through with all your relationships in life to stabilize yourself fully.
In the intervention programs on TV, the family and friends actually give an ultimatum and threaten to cut off all contact with severe addicts until and unless they make the commitment to rehab where they really break the habit. Some addictions go beyond a person's willpower and control and require special spiritual prayer and treatment. So if the normal recovery programs don't work for your friend, you may have to go the spiritual route and totally pray for deliverance from past influences before he can truly break free. Do not judge him if he fails, but insist that he gets help to succeed.
Some valid Christian ministries that have successfully healed people:
* http://www.christianhealingmin.org
or read "Healing" by Francis MacNutt which describes how prayers work and don't work and how to correct that
* My friend Olivia has healed people over the phone
She does not charge money but is an individual volunteer
Her mobile number is posted at http://www.houstonprogressive.org/nothanku.html
Sometimes it takes praying up to 5 times before a problem is completely healed, so if it doesn't work, keep trying again.
The "Healing" book also explains different steps that are needed, so that if one step is skipped it can block the others.
2007-03-13 13:44:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nghiem E 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need time (and prayers) to sort out your relationship. It's hard to trust someone who has been deceitful. You also need to ask how well do you really know each other? You honestly were not aware he had a drug problem after a year together? You don't know him. Take some time to know him before you make any decisions.
May God Bless you.
2007-03-13 13:32:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋