i moved in with my dad about 6 months after he moved back to kansas and i started to get o know him i thought that moving in with him would help me get to know him and give him a chance to get to know me. but here is the problem every time i try and talk to my dad we always end up in a fight and then i wnat to sneak out of the house and hang out with my friends. but i don't. i always end up giving him another chance. and every time i do he complaine about something that i wear, eat, do, say, and that just leads to more fightts. it seems that all i do is change who i am for my dad just to make him happy but he won't change for me and say three little words that i have never heard my dad or my mom say to me. but he won't so why should i keep changing my dad when he won't change just one thing about him for me. please help me to understand my dad. i think the military has made him emotionless. and i am starting to get scared because of all of our fights and each one is worse than the next....................
2007-03-13 05:21:00 · 9 answers · asked by punk_rocker8890 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i love my dad and i tell him that daily i have changed everything that he has wanted me to change. i even stop taking my anxiety meds and stop seeing my theryapist and psychiartist. i want us to stop fighting but the only way i know how to just stop trying so hard and just give up. could the reason why we fight so much is becasue we are both home all day long everyday with each other.
2007-03-15 09:59:44 · update #1
You should probably look for a time when the two of you seem to be enjoying yourself or your happy, and ask him to talk with you for a minute. Tell him the same thing you told us about how you wanted to move in with him to get to know him and stuff. Then tell him that you still do want to get to know him, but you are tired of the fighting. Tell him that it stresses you out, and you're not sure that living there is going to work out if the two of you can't learn to deal with each other.
A piece of advice, NEVER tell a dad that HE is wrong! If you have a problem with him, make it sound like both of you have a problem with it that way he won't feel attacked. If he starts feeling like you're attacking him, he's just going to start defending himself and he won't be open to change.
So just talk, smile, be polite, and let him know how you feel. It'll work out in the end. :)
2007-03-13 05:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sammeh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't both be home all day with each other. You should be in school - I dont' care what age you are, that's a simple fact. If you already graduated from high school, you should be earning credits at a local community college. If you don't think it is something you can afford, make a plan to obtain a certificate in something so you are employable in some job with a future. Then apply for financial aid and get to work on that. You say your father was in the military - it is all about organization, goals and discipline and he will appreciate that.
Also, get back on your meds. Get back to seeing your therapist. Why in the world did you ever drop those?
If value in your life depends on hearing certain words (I love you) from your parents, they may not be the kind to give that. In that sense, you will be irritating a wound that will never heal. A therapist has probably already told you that - all the more reason to get back in therapy and get back on track again.
Get in therapy, work on your education and you will have a life outside of fighting with your father. Being in a fighting relationship with him is almost like your job these days so get out of that pattern. He can see a healthier you - and you would be the first person to benefit from BEING a healthier you.
Good luck and get started!
2007-03-18 11:38:05 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are but why aren't you in school or working? You shouldn't be home all day. Anybody who is home all day long with the same person who is also home all day long is going to have a problem.
Don't give up your therapist or meds. You need them.
Sounds like you also need a new roommate. Don't compromise who you are. You will be miserable forever. If Dad can't meet you half way, then say goodbye. Some times our biological parents are not our best authoritative or parental figures. Can you find a teacher or priest or friend you can talk to??? Someone you respect and who respects you? Good luck.
2007-03-21 10:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by kathy s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You pretty much answered your own question. It is because you are around each other all the time you have no time apart or space so you are always up in each other's face. Try going to the park or something for a while in the day time to give him some time alone. Write him a letter and give it to him on your way out. Don't change yourself for anyone, you are who you are. If he can't stand that then he should leave.
2007-03-20 00:18:46 · answer #4 · answered by Angeleyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very "set in his ways" retired, disabled father. He can be so loud and so scary. Try to always remember that even though you may disagree with him about certain things, he is your father and a child should have respect for their parents. You should not be fighting with him, even if he is wrong. Once he has cooled off, you can ask him if he would please listen to your point of view, communication is vital. If he still disagrees with you, just say okay and at least he knows how you feel and why you feel that way. He may have too much pride to admit that he is wrong, especially being your father. Fathers don't like to be told how wrong they are by their own children. Your showing respect and concern for his feelings will certainly have a positive effect and most likely he will realize he doesn't need to fight with you anymore because you have made it clear that you respect him as your dad even though you may not agree with him.
2007-03-20 03:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever tried to talk to your Dad when you were not fighting? Maybe he is scared of you and all the responsibility you are. You don't live or love someone to change them. Why do you want him to change? What does it matter what you are wearing? Are your clothes that important that you would fight over them? And if you want to hear I love you, maybe you should tell him that. Calmly. Talk to a counselor at your school... ask them for ideas about how to talk to your Dad. He's not a mind reader and he doesn't know you either.....Good luck & best wishes......
2007-03-13 12:45:08 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You silly girl. I know you love your dad dearly. Your first mistake was moving in with him. Millitary, he is moulded.
You can only be yourself, he needs to accept that. He has too realise that. And I am so sorry he can't say, I love you. Get out of their. Try and start your relationship from a distance. Find interests that are similar. You have no need too change who you are. Your dad does.
If he loves you, he will be knockin at your door.
2007-03-21 10:33:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe just talk to him about your fights. Even if it ends up into one. If you feel yourself getting mad, or notice that he is, just walk away. Cool off or let him cool off before trying to talk to him again. Tell him how you feel and about the stuff he's doing to you.
2007-03-13 12:28:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get away from him, and live on your own before you land in an institution. don't stop the meds, move but far away...
2007-03-21 03:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by brown eyes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋