My cousin is dating this younger guy for almost two years. He did eveything in the world to her. He cheated on her with numerous females. Brought chicks to her house and have sex on one chick on her bed. Pick chicks up in her car. He also put his hands on her. But , the thing is she's three months pregnant by him. She had two miscarrages and tried her best to become pregnant by this guy. May I add, this guy is five years younger than us. The more our much older cousin, her friends that have kids by dead beat dads and I that have kids by a dead beat dad tells her what she's about to get her self into. She gets mad at me because she's so in love with this guy. The drama never stops and her calling and crying to me is really making me not want to talk or listen her her anymore. How can I tell my cousin to not call me or tell me when he screws her over without hurting her feelings?
2007-03-13 05:07:10 · 11 answers · asked by B.A.P.S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just be up front with her,let her know you try to tell her the right things to do & she chooses to do the opposite.tell her you just cant deal with her problems anymore,you have your own problems!
2007-03-13 05:11:39 · answer #1 · answered by swt-bby-gl-69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, what do you do? You need to go to that tough love place, but, she's pregnant! It really is Dr.Phil or Montel time. I'm not making fun of this , I can only imagine how torn up you are about this. Is there a maternal Grandmother or other strong woman figure you two look up to that can step in? If she figures to make this guy straighten up after the baby is born she better realize that will not happen. You know that people do get upset when they hear the truth especially when it's unpleasant. If she keeps stressing over everything she may lose this baby also. I guess you will have to walk on eggshells till the baby comes. I don't know how good you and your family are at micro managing her life, convince her she needs that car 24-7 because of the baby, that is one way of slowing down Romeo. Help her get her apartment baby friendly with plenty of pictures of all of you as children and maybe that will give some of those h***s something to think about when he tries to sneak them in. Maybe everyone can take turns camping out at her place so he doesn't have free run of the place. Maybe if he realizes that all of you come as a package he may want to skip(?) . Would that be a bad thing? You ladies have got to band together and get that "Women in Charge" groove thing together, not only for your cousin's sake, but, for all of you. Good luck. Sometimes when you wait for the problem to come to you it catches you off guard. maybe you can attack it from behind.
2007-03-13 12:33:38 · answer #2 · answered by make room for daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try explaining to her that you have done everything you know how to do to try and help her. Including, telling what you wish someone would have told you at her age. Then try telling her the truth. That she is partly responsible for enabling her bf to treat her like this and that you have problems of your own right now. Tell her that you love her and wish her the best, but you are tired to seeing her set her self up to be hurt and abused and until she decides to do something about it you can't talk to her about it anymore. When she come over, you guys can talk about her baby or anything else under the sun, but not about her problems with this loser. The truth hurts, but sometimes people still need to hear it.I wish you both the best.
2007-03-13 12:17:49 · answer #3 · answered by DizziDazi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point you are going to have to use tough love on her. She can't get mad at you and tell you to butt out when things are "okay" and then cry when things are bad and not want to listen to reason. That's insane. Though it's her life, it's affecting you. Simply tell her that if she isn't going to change the behavior, then don't come running to you when he's back at it. Tell her at some point she is going to have to put a stop to this and until she's ready to do that, you don't want to hear a word about it. Don't take your friendship away, tell her you love her and want to be close with her, but that you just can't sit by and watch him do this to her and that she's starting to bring you down as well. Good luck.
2007-03-13 15:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a way you can say it without her feeing some sort of hurt feeling. Think of it this way she doesn't care about hurting your feelings when she dumps all her mishaps on you. Tell her you feel she is in the wrong and you don't want to be bothered any more by her drama life. Start putting distance between you too. Talk and see her less don't ask her any questions about her life especially about this dead beat she claims to love.
2007-03-13 12:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by BarbaraJean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is tough sometimes. Honesty is the best policy she has to be accountable for her own actions and decisions. Once you have children your life is not your own anymore there is someone else totally dependent on you for every single thing. Tell her this is now your life and you have to find your own path. Truth hurts but shes got to be willing to make the sacrifices decisions herself now.
2007-03-13 12:15:09 · answer #6 · answered by mmbmw2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her you have no interest in hearing her problems because they are self-inflicted. She doesn't listen to your advice anyways, so calling you is just a waste of time.
2007-03-13 12:18:04 · answer #7 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta be up front and truthful.....just tell her that she about to lose family over this a**hole and not to call you anymore with their problems it's not your concern...I understand that it sounds mean but it has to be or he won't understand how serious you are about it
2007-03-13 12:13:06 · answer #8 · answered by Miss. Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean it's taking a toll on you?
If that is the case, you've got to reason with her. Tell her honestly how you feel, and tell her that if she keeps perpetuating this cycle of abuse then you will no longer allow yourself to be a part of it.
2007-03-13 12:13:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell her that aint your problem if she happy be happy but you cant care if she dont ..so dont bring the problems to you..with fools and hardheads they just have to reach their breaking point when it happens and it will happen..be there.she will need you might be 20 minutes or 20 years but it will happen
2007-03-13 12:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by doughdzm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋