We have been seeing eachother for 7 months. She started going to a new church and now that she is becoming a member, she thinks we should not be together intimately anymore until we're married. I don't see how she can just make that change and not expect me to throw some kind of flag up. I love her but I can't even think about marriage for another year due to school and work. What if I can't wait, am I a jerk?
2007-03-13 04:43:47 · 24 answers · asked by Animal instincts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
find another girl
2007-03-13 04:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, you are not a jerk......Honey forget marriage !!! Your girlfriend is already pulling away from you with her new church, for your relationship to stand a chance, you need to have the same beliefs, and would need to be heading on the same path TOGETHER, can i ask, would you guys have got together if she was a member of this chruch then? If not...maybe thats your answer.....i think its a bit rich to say at this stage 'Hey hands off' Whats more frightening is that she's prepared to put a church before you?? Church sounds very dodgy to me.....I suggest you concentrate on school, get yourself some great grades, enjoy being young, live life a little before you even think of getting so seriously involved with anyone else, good luck honey xx
2007-03-13 05:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by clare s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could see her point if the two of you had been waiting for marriage all along. But for her to suddenly find a new faith and stop the sex(which was presumably good sex since you asked this question) is really unfair to you and not a wise move for the relationship. People can become born again Christians, but not born again virgins. If you two have been having sex all along, I really don't see the point in stopping just to start again once you get married. I don't think you're a jerk at all for not wanting to wait. In fact, I would understand if you started cheating on her.
2007-03-13 04:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by Subconsciousless 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. It IS a valid concern. Some people can wait, others not. If you know it IS going to be a problem you can compromise something, you can leave, or you can stay...but it can always be a problem in the future. Just like, let´s say, my mother is the typical mil from Hedoublehockestick Town (she is really nice, just an example) that too would be an issue. So no, you wouldn´t be a jerk for being concerned. I would think you would be a jerk for NOT concerning yourself and not saying anything....but hey, just an opinion. Good luck.
2007-03-13 04:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by nassim420 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not a jerk! What she's asking from you is quite a tall order! Because of her new found religious beliefs she is demanding that you follow her new rules. Now, depending on how much you care about her will help you decide what to do. If you can and are willing to wait AND understand that this is the true reason she is doing this (not because she's interested in somone else and passing if off under false pretenses) then I think it's okay to wait - just keep the relationship healthy in every other way and continue to be active with your wedding plans. If you can't wait - well, you can masturbate - you don't have to cheat on her with another woman.
2007-03-13 04:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
yikes! that's a tough one! You need to talk to her about why she thinks cutting off your physical connection is necessary.
It's really an important connection between couples, and it's sad that her church has made it out to be a bad thing.
Tell her that while you support her checking out new things such as religion, she can't really expect to throw something like that at you without some major discussion. You aren't a jerk for wanting what you've already been given. She's kind of a jerk for expecting you to.
2007-03-13 04:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no ur not a jerk and she shoudnt make such a decision like that without u. Im not religious so i dont know how someone can choose to do something like that. not cause im some sex fanatic ( still a virgin *blush*) but i cant understand how someone can choose some god over someone they love and someone who is acctually there for u when u need them. (not a big fan of god as u might have noticed so maybe im the wrong person to listen to in that situation)
hope all goes well ,good luck
2007-03-13 04:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by Finn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That doesn't make you a jerk. But you really should talk to her about it. It's kind of selfish of her to suddenly change your relationship like that. Both of you are in the relationship and things like this should be discussed between the two of you. Not one person putting thier foot down. Hey, you have needs too. Maybe you guys could meet in the middle...
2007-03-13 04:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by bluestar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not. But don't expect her to change. And she shouldn't expect you to change. Sometimes relationships go in different directions.
If it's not what you originally "signed up for" perhaps you should move on. This could be just the first step in a series of changes.
A healthy relationship should grow and change together, mutually.
2007-03-13 04:59:21 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have had sex and can see yourself marrying her than you must respect her religious beliefs but in the same breath you have desires and needs tell her you love her but you like sex you cant go from an island to a desert and expect comfort but it is her choice...if you love her make the right choice if you feel sex is that big of a part of your relationship then do what must be done
2007-03-13 04:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by doughdzm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, your not a jerk you are a person who cares!
This did happen all of a sutton and once your use to doing something it is hard to change, but it can be done.
Respect her belief and if you truly love her and you th ink you can wait or control your self This should not be a problem.
God says to wait before you marry a lot people donot some do, she is just trying to please God.
2007-03-13 04:51:25 · answer #11 · answered by curious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋