How do i leave an abusive BF who threatens my career, life, etc?

Question

It's not as simple as "Just leave him". Please don't offer answers that are that simple cuz it aint. If you've had experience in this department or know of people who have, tell me how you got yourself out. And don't come at me telling me that it's my own fault for getting with such a man---i already know how i will approach things differently next time but for right now i want out and he's truly scary and i know i need courage but i just wanted some sincere, considerate advice that comes from the heart---thanks!!!

Answer 1

Sorry this has happened to you. I helped a friend leave her husband. You're right, you can't just walk out. He's the most dangerous when he feels a loss of control. You need to have a plan. A place to go that he won't look, so don't go to any friends he knows about. If you have a joint account, start transferring it slowly into another account in your name. Do it in small amounts that he won't notice. If he's violent though, call the police and have him arrested. He'll be out the next day, so spend that time packing and be gone! If you have kids, start sending their stuff to your parents or friends so you can send for it later after he's calmed down.

Answer 2

I have never been in your situation personally, but I would imagine that you would first need to establish a safe-haven, somewhere you can go that he won't find you - not a close relative or friend because that's the first place he'll look. You also want be careful because abusive men can turn violent when his woman "defies" him by leaving - you don't want to put others at risk. I would cautiously find the number to a local women's shelter in your area - obviously they won't be listed in the yellow pages for annominity sake so you will have to do some research. Check with local hospitals - they often have leads for shelters as women come to them beat up, usually accompanied by the abuser so that he can intimidate her not to tell. You can also call or have someone else call your local police department - if you are scared to press charges, and I'm sure you are, then don't file a report, just ask for information. You can "try" to get a PFA - Protection From Abuse - but those rarely work and only anger the man. From what I hear more women are actually killed after filling a PFA than if she just simply disappears. Also, you may have to give up your career and the life as you know it if you are going into hiding, he'll most assuredly look for you in those familiar places. Whatever you do, please do it quickly. I hope you don't have children, but if you do, you owe it to them and yourself to get help and get out. Good luck.

Answer 3

Make sure you have all of your personal belongings that you will need in case you have to "hideout" for a while ie. credit cards, checkbook, clothing, make up, spare keys etc... Keep them at a family member or friends house so he won't find your things. If money is an issue, start saving now, I know it may not be easy, but do it. Document the abuse, take pictures and take them to the police, file a report against him and get a restraining order. As for your employer, make them aware of the restraining order and give them the imformation they will need to contact the authorities if he contacts you at work. This is going to be tough, but change your cell phone number, change you routine if possible, don't take the same route to or from work anymore, shop at different stores, basically don't go places he knows you frequent and could "catch" you at. Contact your local battered womens shelter, they could give you more advice and help you out financially if necessary. Most of the women who work at these shelters have been through what you're talking about doing and can help you.

Answer 4

You need to find a way to make him want to leave, a way to get past his fixation on you. Problem is someone like that would be difficult to handle. His fits of rage could be dangerous. Here's an idea, one night when he's sleeping (you may need to spike his drink or whatever to be sure he's really out cold) tie him up (or better yet handcuff him to the bed) Make sure its really, really tight and that there's no way he can get free. You need to remember that when he wakes he will be angry, so you have to have him secure. Stuff your panties in his mouth to keep him quiet, tape them in his mouth, secure again so that he can't work the tape off, sometimes you have to go around the head. When he wakes (I'd let him stew for a good long while first) walk into the bedroom with your biggest knife and grab his equipment. Place the knife against it and tell him you can't take it anymore. Make him swear on his manhood that he will leave you be, because you never know just when or where but if he messes with you, somehow, someway you will finish it off. Regag him and let him simmer somemore.

Answer 5

Well, the obvious answer is get the cops involved, get a restraining order or no contact order, etc. How has he threatened you? the more info you can give the better the answers. All you can really do is be strong, leave, and do what you need to do.

Sorry can't be of more help but I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 6

If your afaid of him, they you honestly need to contact the police and get a restraining order on him. Talk with you family members if they are aware of what'd going on they will support you leaving this loser 100%. When you look at it how come you can't "just leave him"? What makes you think that you need to stay with someone that is abusive like that? Do you two live together?

Answer 7

I'm sorry for what you're going though. I've never been in this position, so I don't have experience to offer, but still want to try to help.

Contact a battered woman's shelter - they can place you somewhere where he can't get to you and give you tips on moving on with you life.

Pray about the situation. God is loving and He can help you through this nightmare and keep you safe. Don't underestimate His love and power.

Answer 8

I've been in this kind of relationship when I was 15. My mom took me to the doctor 'cause I was always covered in bruises the doctor told my mother that someone was hitting me. My mom begged me to tell her. I couldn't, but in the end I told her. We called the cops, moved and I haven't seen the guy since. It's more or less tell someone you trust, find somewhere else to stay with a friend or back with your family. This is a bed situation for you and I wish you the best of luck to get out of it.
~Kei~

Answer 9

If just leave is the right answer, it is the right answer. So, that's what I'm going to say. If he tries to follow you or bother you call the police on him, or get a restraining order. It really is as simple as just leave.

Answer 10

I have never been in that position...but if he's as scary as you say I would talk to the police to see if you can get him arrested. And if you can't do that I would try to move out of state with family or something.