Today's a bad day. I need help dealing with painful memories.?

Question

My son,my only child, died from cancer Jan 14 2001. I made it through Dec and Jan just fine,but recently, it seems to be on my mind7-24. I do't want to ever forget Randy,but, I wish I could remember Him without crying. My parents are deceased and I too was an only child. This sounds like I am having a pity party,but, I assure you, this is not the case. I sincerely hope noone knows how I feel,but, can any one tell me how to greive and get on with my life.It has been 6 yrs. Thank you.

Answer 1

Firstly, my sincere sympathy for your sorrow.

If I can be so bold, can I ask why you would need to separate grief and getting on with your life? Perhaps days like this would be easier to accept if first you accepted that days like this are going to be a part of your life, the same as someone with diabetes accepts that insulin is a part of their life, or a parapelegic accepts that their wheelchair is part of theirs. Your sorrow is now a part of who you are, and since that won't ever change, accepting that today's kind of melancholy will overtake you sometimes might make it easier to bear.

Appreciate that God has given you the sensibility and ability to grieve still, as it is a shining testament to the depth of your commitment and love.

Answer 2

I can't say that I remotely know how you feel, but I can imagine. I think that good advice is to keep yourself as busy as possible - the more time that you have alone, the more time you will inevitably devote to sad thoughts. take time to reconnect with friends you may have lost touch with over the years.
Many people start charitable organizations on behalf of their deceased relatives, if your son was an avid soccer fan, start a charity that raises funding for a local youth soccer club. If you don't have the time to dedicate to that, then volunteer for an organization that already exists. It will do you good to see that something positive has come out of your loss.

I also suggest that you go to meetings for people that are greiving... it is good to be able to speak freely about what is on your mind, without feeling like you are asking for pity, since veryone else there would have gone through something just as bad if not worse that you have...

good luck - stay strong, if not for you, than for your son and his memory

Answer 3

I am sorry for your loss, I truly mean that as a parent of 2. Of course you never want to forget Randy, but your child would want you to be happy, I think you know that. And yes, I realize that knowing that does not ease your pain. You need to talk about him to someone you trust or a counselor. Talking about your son is very important. Realizing you are not alone is important too, find a support group for greiving parents. I hope you can overcome this. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I have never had any people I was close to die. I know how bad it hurts though. My grandpa did die when I was very young. I was only 3 years old though. I do remember seeing my dad cry and my grandma. Every time he tells me about him I see a tear in his eye. I was so young I didn't really understand the meaning of dieing. I know how hard having someone dieing close to you must be. You are not alone. My grandma has cried every day since my grandpa died. (10 years ago.) I would suggest remembering all the good times you had with your son. Remember how much you helped him. Sometimes crying is the best thing to do though. Express your feelings. You'll eventually get comfortable thinking about him.

Answer 5

First, let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I could never imagine the agony of losing a child, and my heart breaks for you.

Have you seen a therapist about your grief? Sometimes, just talking to a stranger can help you work out some emotions. There is no shame in asking for help, and you may find that they have some good coping strategies to help you move from the stage in the grief process you are stuck in.
Was there something that Randy loved to do, or was there something he wanted to accomplish before he passed? Maybe you could donate some of your time to a cause that Randy was interested in eg. planting a community garden at a school where the children take care of it and naming it after him, or donating money to a charity in his name.

I wish I could be there to give you a hug, and I hope this helps.

God bless you.

Answer 6

Do you think of having children again?
no one will ever replace your son. Just remember the good times, and the memories and dont forget you will see him one day again, if you live and trust in god.
Pray that god will help you through this and walk you out to a brighter day.

i lost someone traumatically 3 years ago. Along with that I lost everyone else too, I know people have their own lives, but God was the only one I had to turn to. If you are a christian, you should know God should come first anyways.

Answer 7

You will always have the memory but you need to get over the trauma of the events. Try going for a walk in a safe place. While walking picture the image of the lost ones in front of you. If you start crying this walking technique will not work and you will have to seek professional help. But if you are ok with the image in front of you then continue walking. Notice your left right movement of walking before thinking of the images. Notice the color of the images and continue to walk a-little more then a mile while only thinking about the lost ones. Near the end of the walk note the image, is it still in color? Has the image moved from in front of you? Please pick up this book in the source list bellow it is worth more then any pill.

Answer 8

You poor thing. You need help to get over this. You need some talking therapy, or even just a berievement cousellor. If not, then therapy of some kind. Some medication may help temporarily but I wouldn't depend on them. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, everyone grieves differently. Some people take weeks, some months some years and some people a lifetime, so don't feel ashamed of yourself, it's quitre natural. Go and see your doctor and see what he/she can offer you.
Good luck honey.

Answer 9

You will not and should not ever forget. Do not deny how you feel. When sadness comes to you embrace and make friends with it ; this will help to ease it somewhat. Time is the only thing that makes the pain less intense. The memories never fade. Not the bad ones, but even more so, not the GOOD ones. My heart is with you.

Answer 10

You will always have days like this. You lost a huge part of you with the loss of your son and you will never be the same. It's important to have some family and friends you can talk about your memories and feelings with.

My mom went to a bereavement (sp?) group after my brother died 6 years ago. It still hurts every day and we think of him every day. But we always talk about the good memories and talking about him always brings smiles and good thoughts. Try to not let his memory make you sad but instead think about how great he was in his life and remember that God chooses the best people to be his angels.