Does anybody else notice this about many military wives?

Question

me and my husband are in our early 20's, we've been married for almost 4 years, he's in the Air Force, i've never really known anything about the military til we got married and stationed, well i notice that many military wives get fat or dumpy looking after they get married? its like they don't care anymore? i see 25 year olds that look 40 already, many of them already have kids in there early 20's so they all hang out together, me and my husband don't want to have kids for a while because we just like to have fun and travel first, i like to hang out with my friends and shop, work out etc (who i've met off base) we moved off base because everybody seems so clicky, is it that much of a commonality? (i have been to other branches of military bases before so i know its not just air force) i'm not saying all air force wives, but many that i've seen

i love my husband and take care of him, but i have my own life too

jabber: your a complete waste of human life, why don't you go back to your worthless cubicle job and think about yourself all day like you usually do

my husband has been deployed several times, (he's a flying crew chief) about to leave again in April, so i have been through a lot of stress too, but sometimes you gotta just put your big girl panties on and deal with it if your married to the military

my mother raised 4 kids and always taught us that apperances count, people do judge you by the way you look, thats just a fact of life, my father is a retired NYC firefighter so she had plenty to worry about, i'm sorry but that doesn't give you a right to walk around looking like a ragamuffin

Answer 1

This is so funny. I am marrying a soldier this july. I was joking around with him and told him that I would try my best to be a good army wife. He started laughing and said that I would have to start nagging him and gain 150lbs! I thought he was making it up. I saw your question and started laughing. I'll have to forward this it my fiancee. He'll get a kick out of it.

I really didn't have a clue about the army either until I met my fiancee. I'm still not sure what it all means when he talks to me, it's a totally different language. I'm catching on though. So after being in it for 4 years, does it get easier? Maybe easier isn't the right word. Does it get more understandable? My fiancee is stationed in Germany and I'm going back with him when we get married. I just want to know what to expect.

Answer 2

I understand what you are trying to say BUT honey I have 4 kids ages 8, 4, 4, and 2, I'm 25 and I know that I look older than I am and I know that my husband looks younger than he is, but you try dealing with 4 kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, trying to keep the house clean, cooking dinner every night, not having family ANY where near you. I also home school the kids. My husband is a Marine, we are getting ready for him to deploy back to Iraq, he has been in for 7 years we have been married for 7 years when he goes to Iraq in a few weeks this will be his 5 deployment in those 7 years. His first deployment was to Egypt we had 1 child at the time, his second deploymet was on float (MEU) he was on a ship going to different country's for 6 months 2 1/2 months after he left I found out I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with twins, he came home and 45 days later he went to Iraq for the first time, I had the twins 16 days after he deployed to Iraq. His fourth deployment was back to Iraq for 7 months, this deployment we don't know how long he will be gone. The entire time dealing with everything life throws at me. Like when he went on float and then finding out that I was pregnant the next day my car broke down, then two days later the person that we were living with kicked me out because I WASN'T willing to cheat on my husband like she was. Every time he leaves I worry about him, I have to explain to my kids that Daddy will be home just not soon, and at the same time in the back of my mind I wonder if that is true or not. I am under so much stress that I don't sleep very much I sleep for maybe 4 hours at night then I am up the rest of the night and all the next day, that is when he is home, when he is gone I sleep for about 1 to 2 hours a night. The doctors say that there is nothing wrong, other than I am just a little stressed out, and that I just need to take an hour to my self every day, HA yeah right.

I want to be comfortable because I have 4 kids hanging off of me no matter what I do. Who cares what other people think about you? Why do you care what other people are doing or wearing or the way they look? Who are you to judge the wives of other people? If the husbands of these other wives DON'T CARE WHY SHOULD YOU?????? You don't have to look at them everyday, if it bothers you that much then just stay away from them.

Answer 3

I run housing on a large military base, and deal with residents - usually the wives - all the time. I see all kinds out there. Yes, some clearly don't take care of themselves, but there are also many who do take pride in their appearance and stay trim and good-looking.
Sometimes I run in the morning a little after all the military units finish their physical training, and I see lots of wives out there, running, or walking dogs, or walking with a baby carriage. And if you get off base - to off-post shopping centers, malls, grocery stores - you'll see plenty of non-military women who are likewise not taking care of themselves.

Many Air Force bases now have family fitness centers, and I know there are Weight Watchers and other weight and fitness groups on military bases. It's important to have people like you who care. Check into the resources at your base, and maybe you could lead a group, or just get a bunch of your friends involved. You can make a difference!

Answer 4

I've noticed it too. I think for alot of people it's not that they don't care. It's that they have a kid and have a hard time going back to work because it's more difficult to get a job when your husband is military and you have a small child to take care of too. That and you add the fact that people are stressed and eat more because of it. I know that since I've had to be home with my kids (b/c of the crappy job market around this base) I've had to work harder at staying thin....but by god I work at it so I look good for my husband who's in amazing shape. All in all though I have to say that I think this is a problem everywhere and not just with military wives.

Answer 5

I think we have a few issues:

1. some folks who live on base (post) seem to be more "informal" in such as the PX/BX or commissary.

2. there is a socio-economic factor: that being visit say the
PX and BX in the same city where one place has mostly higher ranks, Fort Carson PX & Air Academy BX or Randolph AFB and Fort Sam Houston. So it is an issues. The Academy and Fort Sam are majority of higher ranks.

3. The spouse is deployed: stress, no respite (relief)
from handling the rugrats, etc. Folks under stress get overwhelmed

4. Yes, as suggest: fitness centers! Spouses support groups!
Many of the younger need "mentors", reminds me I promise to hold a cooking class for on post suport or social groups!
Cardio & health cooking!

5. Compared to our local Walmarts, well "we" are still ahead,

6. I am an advocate for "kids in the commissary" and feel certain we must support the Mom's, who lack day-care options, so that "brat" is part of the mission. I also make my grandkids assist "mom's" and elderly shoppers without being told: lift, reach and empty carts.

7. Dad's come back sometimes a bit unfit, say 2 many hours watching such as radar, sonar and such. We know the rest.

8. Lest us not forget the stay at home "dad's"

I "inspect" the grandkids before we go on post: no "rapper" t-shirts, shoes clean, etc, my CSM inspects me, makes me put a hay bale in my farm truck so "folks will realize that you are a rancher" not some homeless vet. Image is important.

Answer 6

Yes I have noticed that also. I am a army wife in my early 20's and my husband is in his late 20's. We have a set of twins but its because we wanted kids. I do notice this a lot but I think that some women get so relaxed and not caring when they get settled in with their husbands. A lot also has to do with the stress of being a military wife/stay at home mom... This is very stressful because I am that and I know that it is. My husband and I travel and everything with our twins. We are very active and stay in good shape. I think that some women just get settled in and they just dont care about them selves anymore. I wish you luck
We have been married for 4 years also and I have been a army wife for almost 3 now.

Answer 7

I imagine there is alot of stress for the majority of military wives. Especially if they have children and the husbands are deployed for extended periods of time. What you may be viewing as "letting go" may be exhaustion. The pressure they live with can be a bit overwhelming. You should know that.

Try looking on the inside of the ladies instead of their physical appearance. I'd bet these are some pretty special ladies. The burden they carry is heavy.

I find it somewhat disturbing with everything they are dealing with, that the only contribution you have to add to a site where they may come for support and understanding is to point out their potential frailities.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Beauty my dear, is only skin deep.

Ps... Well, good for you. If and when you ever decide to have children and you have a couple of them swarming around your legs and you are performing both roles of Mommy and Daddy and also tying to put on a happy face while Daddy is off defending the country, heaven forbid and you have a "bad hair day" or can't fit in those size 4 jeans, then you come back and read your question. You'll see exactly how shallow a question like this is. You will also see what wearing big girl panties is really about. It is easy to critique a persons life when you are on the outside looking in with barely any of the responsibilities they face.

Good hygiene counts. Cleanliness counts. To place importance on whether or not a person looks fit, trim and well groomed is not fair to that person or to yourself. Instead of pointing out what is wrong with these women look for what *is right*. Trust me, they know what their weaknesses are. They don't need you pointing them out. That is just a cheap shot.

Answer 8

My wife felt this way about the majority of Army wives as well. She couldn't stand to go to family readiness (support) meetings because she said it was just a bunch of gossipers and cheaters waiting for their husband to leave. Out of 12 years she only made 2 friends from other Army wives. I guess it is just easy to get used to the "free" lifestyle doing what you want the majority of the time and getting away with it.

Answer 9

In any group where you are stuck together , that clicky thing happens. If you and your husband dont behave like that and dont want them in your business... then you did the smart thing by moving off base. You can always keep some independence away from the base to do things on your own. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that KUDOS!! for wanting to be diffrent and DOING IT!!

Answer 10

Not a lot of prospects for jobs, staying home all day, typically uneducated (not all), and stress. Add that up to a few pounds. What is needed on military bases is a better Wellness program for families, not just PT for the soldiers.