My nephew is 16. He lives with his grandparents (my in-laws). His mother and father are both druggies. He has not seen his father since he was 3 and his mother is in and out of prison, hooked on crack, been shot, prostitution. Just not a good lifestyle.
Back at Christmas he confided in me that he is smoking. Not a great thing but whatever... I told him to not let it go further than that and he promised he would not. He has always said that he would not get on drugs because he has seen what it has done to his parnets and he does not want to turn out like that.
Recently he has changed his MySpace page. The back ground is Bob Marley smoking a joint. He has a "What kind of weed are you?" survey and his cursor is a weed leaf. I know that weed is not all that bad. Even I have done it. But I know it can lead to other things.
Is it any of my business? Should I ask him about it? Should I tell my in-laws (his guardians) about it? Just let it go? Any advise? Please!
2007-03-13 03:45:32 · 13 answers · asked by VMSS 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you love him, it's your business. You never want to wake up one day to his death wondering, if I only said something. Don't approach him in a condemning way, but ask him about it. The best thing if at all possible is to be extremely involved in his life. Have him visit his mom in Jail to remind of the road he doesn't want to travel. He may be trying to find a way to fit in. The draw of the drug culture is they will accept anyone that is doing the same drug. He may be crying out for a way to belong, feel loved and important. Not sure how involved the Grandfather is in his life, but he needs a strong father figure giving a damn about him. Willing to have the hard talks. See if you can get him involved in a healthy active Youth Group. Just don't assume it's a phase, and he just thought the myspace stuff would be cool.
2007-03-13 04:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by his.grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure.....ask him. He is family, and if you care about him, it is your business. And marijuana is not a "gateway" drug....lots of people use it and never try anything else. However, it is illegal, smoking can cause cancer, and tell him that chronic dope smoking can cause mammary gland (breast) enlargement in males. And remember.....he just may have the Bob Marley background to appear "cool." The important thing is keep the communication flowing, let him know you are available for anything, and that no matter what, you care.
2007-03-13 10:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by tandkalexander 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For sure it should be addressed before it goes too far. 16 is too young and impressionable. Someone needs to be there to set and example for him. He certainly hasn't had that, to date. If you care about him you need to do this.
I have a brother and he is 21. I know he does this recreationally with his friends and I can't be there to stop him. I've sat him down and told him how stupid it makes you. Stupid and lazy. It kills brain cells for one thing. I'm not concerned if he's out with the guys on a Friday night and it's like drinking. But if he does it day to day that is a problem.
He needs goals and something to aspire to. Someone needs to spend time with him doing something he likes so that he doesn't spend all of his time with the people who are enabling him.
2007-03-13 11:01:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kimberly R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has his behaviour changed, attitudes, grades etc, if they havent maybe the myspace thing is just a case of keeping up with his friends and trying to appear cool within his group, I thnk its great that he has you looking out for him and i also think if there are other concerns (schoolwork etc) then you should tell your in laws, but would proceed cautiously as an older generation may over react and blow this out of proportion, not to mention worry themselves to death, especially after their experience with your nephews parents, do a little more "investigating" balance up what you find and work from there, i wish you well
2007-03-13 10:54:53 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and keep talking. What does your husband say? Maybe you should get him involved in an activity. Invite him to your house for quality time. Smoking pot is what many kids do. I did, and it didn't lead to other drugs. But I don't have parents that are addicts. Just be there for him. I have found in my experience drugs are something you do when your bored.
2007-03-13 10:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetannie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He confided in you, now its your turn to confide in him. Talk to him privately, or do what I've done to my neices~~ joined my space..lol, and place comments on their pages. They are ever so conscience now of what they place on their pages, because they know I'm a member, and know I care.
So...confide in him, remind him of what he told you at Christmas, and tell him that it concerns you, that you care. Then...if that fails to concern him enough, talk to his grandparents. You don't want to see him go down the same road this parents have travelled, nor do his Grandparents.
This teen just needs to know that others care about him, and maybe you showing him that you do..is all it will take. You have to remember, he confided in you for a reason...so what was it? Did he trust you enough, or care about you enough to share his feelings? Do the same with him......
2007-03-13 10:53:30 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell him i am concerned about him. remind him what drugs has done for his parents. he probably has an addictive personality. he needs help now before it escalates. if it continues i would talk to guardians but do not expect much support look at the denial they must have had when they raised his druggie parent.
2007-03-13 10:51:13 · answer #7 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i actually did harder drugs before i got into smoking weed..
i think its just something some people enjoy.. like having a nice glass of wine after work..
my guess along as he's keeping his grades up.. thats all that matters
2007-03-13 10:49:32 · answer #8 · answered by steph 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should tell them, and quit thinking that "weed is not all that bad" - that is totally wrong! Long term brain damage and many bad health affects. Don't you DARE tell him you have done it.
2007-03-13 13:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is 16, you did it
what could you possibly say to change it at this point
talk with the kids when they are little
when they still respect you and care what you think
2007-03-13 10:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋