Basically we have been having a lot of problems in our marriage for a while he is controling (but says he isnt) he is moody, childish, selfish and manipulative (but he says he isnt) he also seems to have a lot of anger inside him (but he wont admit it). Anyway we went out on thursday had a really good time lots to drink, got home he wanted some sexy time as I had been promising all night he would be getting it but then I had to go and be sick, he just went mad and started calling me a c'ock tease and lots of other horrible names, after been sick I went down stairs (and yes I did shout) for him been so nasty and he just lost it! he was telling me to get out of his house and throwing me round the house he kicked me out in the street naked then let me back in he dragged me across the carpet my my arms (I have a huge carpet burn) bruises on arms then he smashed my head on the stairs (I think he knocked me out for a couple of secs then when I came round he did it again, I tried to ring the
2007-03-13 03:39:35 · 106 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Police but he cut the phone wire then smashed my mobile, then he phoned his brother and said he was going to kill me!
His brother finally ran in when he was trying to strangle me on the settee and called the police, he was arrested and I was taken to hospital.
I have never seen him like that he was a different person his eyes were wild and my screaming didn’t seem to bother him.
Now though he is obviously very upset and ashamed and sorry and promises this will never happen again, we have been married for 3 years together for 4, should I give him another chance as long as he promises to get some proper help? I don’t know what to do I am very upset that he has done this as I will look like a fool if I take him back (it is going against all my own advice) but I did upset him a lot, and he is truly sorry.
2007-03-13 03:39:59 · update #1
I cant bear to see him upset he is not at home right now but i dont want his life to be ruined if i chose not to have him back, he is a broken man right now.
2007-03-13 03:48:03 · update #2
I have to tell you that he will always want to get even with you for embarrassing him and him ending up in jail. I am not saying you did embarrass him, because he did what he did and he should of ended up in jail, I am glad he did, for your sake...at least it is now recorded about this attack...BUT in his eyes, you were the cause of the whole thing and I am most certain he is not done with you yet...He will feel revengeful...He definitely needs some anger management, but why should you risk this happening again? Are you going to wait until you are in a coma?
2007-03-13 03:47:19 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Minnie Mouse♥ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
well i will give you my advice and i am sure i will get a thumbs down from a lot of people on this one but here goes. firstly what concerns me is why after 4 years he has attacked you, you say he hasnt been violent before and i think that after 4 years you would know someone pretty well,however if he is controlling maybe this is an extension of that control, this is very difficult, you have definately done the right thing in the sense that he is not in the house now, at least this gives you the time to sort out your feelings. Are there any other unresolved issues in your marriage? do you communicate? you say that hie eyes were wild, is there a possibility that he had taken drugs, is he under pressures from work, is there anything from his past that explains his anger inside? i know these are questions that you have the answers to and only you can assess the reality of them as to whether or not it is worth trying again i really feel that this is so difficult for you, normally my advice would be run a mile and this goes against every thing i stand for but i just feel that maybe if he is willing to recognise the personality traits you describe then you will be half way there as it shows he is ready to seek help so the next step then would be counselling, do not let him back in the home untill you have made these steps at least if he accepts that you know you are getting somewhere, please let me know how you get on as you really touched my heart. emma. (nogrudgerudge@yahoo.co.uk) good luck hun you will be ok and any help you need just mail me
2007-03-13 06:57:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, sweetie pie, you are a broken woman right now. The only thing bruised on that man is his pride and image. If you get back with him, he will do it again, and next time, you might not have anyone to rescue you. If your brother in law had not stepped in, you would have been dead. As sorry as you feel for this man, and as much as you love him, this is a definite sign that you should leave him. If you take him back, he will think it is acceptable to treat you this way, because you will always take him back. You will then begin to suffer from battered women's syndrome, and the next time he attacks you, he may use a knife or bat, which will leave you either permanently maimed or dead.
I know that you are still in shock about what happened, but no normal, sane man would ever do that to a woman or to anyone else for that matter. Just think, if a friend had done that to you, would you still want to be his friend, or would you slap a restraining order against the f*cker and be in fear for your life if he/she was anywhere near you?
Don't go back to him. Don't feel sorry for him. He sounds very narcissistic. Even if I am in the mood all evening and promise my husband some nookie, and I change my mind, my husband will not call me names or strangle me for it. Instead he would take care of me and make sure that I am OK. That is what you should expect, nothing less.
2007-03-13 06:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hope that you're not in too much pain. Girl, I don't know why you're on this site asking people for an answer that you already have and wasting so much precious time. Time that you could be using to GETTING YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM HIM. The only reason you're still alive is because your brother-in-law intervened. So what you yelled at him and made him angry? Nothing justifies what happened to you and what could have happened to you. This is no time for embarrassment or worrying about your husband's feelings. Your first priority is to protect yourself. Get away from him, go the hospital to make sure that you are fine, and get an order of protection.
Get off this computer, grab a small bag and take only what you need: your bare essentials, your credit cards, money and check book. Go to your bank and withdraw no more 1/2 so you have ready cash. Tell your family what happened so that they can be prepared in the event that he tries to reach out to them. They could file for a protective order as well. If you don't have any family in the immediate area, go to a church, the hospital, police station and/or find a women's support center.
Your husband has problems and you cannot solve them for him. He's got to WANT help and GET help on his own. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you could change him and that this is a one time thing. If you go back, all it will say to him is that he can put is hands on you, say sorry and you will always come back. For your safety and your well being, please get some help!
2007-03-13 04:13:55 · answer #4 · answered by ladylee1230 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No amount of shouting and arguing with your husband can justify him hitting you like that! This is not your problem and you should not be considering taking him back until he is getting help and getting better. No way should you feel guilty for that unprovoked attack!! This is not going to work honey, he obviously did not show his true colours before he married you. I know you love him and want the old husband back but he has changed now and even if he does get help, he will never be the guy you married. I am sorry to hear this and you should not have had to endure this. Think long and hard about this as this will be the rest of your life. A violent person can often take over their spouses life and be there forever.
2007-03-13 04:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He tried to KILL you!!
How come are you even thinking of a second chance?
Please don't fall for that. It will happen AGAIN.
It is not a matter of apologizing him and that's it.... It is way more complex.
First off, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY of anything. It's very common to feel its your fault, in these cases. It wasn't the "no sexy time" thing that triggered that behavior of his. Don't you ever doubt that!
HE NEEDS HELP! And its a professional help that you (as the wife and the victim) cannot offer him now.
I know how hard is is for you to see this monster side of the man you loved and trusted for years. Thats denial, sweety.
The best thing for you now is distance of all this.
You will think more racionally and, who knows, the second chance is exactly that... Not going back to him as a wife, INSTEAD, show him hes not alone neither broken.
You can do all that and much more with the help of your family and your in law's. They will help to find doctors and therapists... whatever it is necessairy.
You will find an inner stregnth that you had never thought you would have.
And you know what? That's a way to show him love as well.
Love is also self respect. Show him that. You will be a huge difference for him.
Please find some counseling yourself as well. It's a tough sittuation and very painful, if you need anything, send me an e-mail.
Best of luck to you and the rest of the family,
Valentinna
2007-03-13 03:52:12 · answer #6 · answered by Valentinna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They always are truly sorry, but it doesn't mean it won't happen again. Do you have any kids? The only reason I ask is that it sounds like he is a dangerous drunk and you don't want him hurting your children. It is your life and you have to do what is best for you. It just goes back to the saying 'fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me' If you take him back because you feel like you need to (provided he gets the proper help) and he does it again (and this time he might end up killing you), its not his fault anymore its your fault for staying. I did the same thing. The guy had gotten violent with me, not to that extreme, but he said it wouldn't happen again, it did, and then I left. Personally I would never be able to forgive someone for throwing me into the street naked or trying to pretty much kill me, no matter how drunk they were.
2007-03-13 03:48:11 · answer #7 · answered by Tracy G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love can turn all of us into fools...
This might sound foolish since a 23 year old guy is giving you advice but here goes...
The man is broken and has lots of secrets within him and needs help but for him to go berserk is another story...
First... Comes the choice... are you willing to get killed? You must have realized by now that you can get killed if he doesn't get any immediate psychological help...
Second with a solution... If you truly love him get some help for him first, What i mean is to get him see a shrink or a guidance counsellor or better yet his family to talk to him and help him out and get him to open up as to what's really bothering him...
You've been together for 3 to 4 yours now right? so have you guys gone to a marriage counsellor??
If you ever do get together again do counselling immediately this would make your relationship better or more open...
I hope nothing bad happens to you or what so ever but have faith and just maybe...
2007-03-13 20:37:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jean Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I bet this is not the first time he has done this, it was just the first time for you. You must have seen the signs before you married him, but you went ahead and married him anyway. What happened was bound to happen sooner or later. Men like your husband have a need to control, when upset they strike back with violence and they are very good at acting as if they are sorry. The thing is, the bottom of the real reason they behave this way, is their lack of respect for women. Now, if you want to take a risk and go back to him, know you are taking a risk that may cost you your life. Ask yourself, what would have happened if his brother did not arrive as quickly as he did. Would you be alive today to ask your question? Consider this when making your decision. Best of luck to you and take care.
2007-03-13 03:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have went through the SAME EXACT THING with my X. Breaking phones, bruises every where, threats... The whole 9 yards.
Now the way you described your husband also fits my X to a tee. My X is bi-polar and schizo effective. Which means constant mood swings, also very very selfish and not worried about anyone but himself. Cant take responsibilty for his actions most of the time and always HAS to have his way.... Sound familiar? Your husband needs to be on medication... If he has what it sounds like then they will put him on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. Maybe a mood stabilizer as well, such as Depakote.
Needless to say I left my X because he wouldnt ever take his medication and I couldnt handle the name calling and the bruises anymore... We have a daughter together though so we remain friends. Good Luck and hope you feel better
2007-03-13 03:49:28 · answer #10 · answered by jessica 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no matter what you said or did to make him get upset does not give him the right to put his hands on you! If this is for real, do you honestly think he will change? Do you honestly think this wont happen again? You are very lucky someone came in and helped you, he could of done a lot of damage- even killed you. You never know what they are capable of, what if it does happen again and this time there is no one to help you, how will you defend yourself, what will you do? I think you really need to think long and hard about what to do, this is nothing to be taken lightly.
As a women I would never let a man put his hands on me. If he does it once he is out no matter what, it does not matter what he says or does it would be over. My life is much to important to let a man take it away. You need to think about these things. What is more important to you?
2007-03-13 03:48:13 · answer #11 · answered by miamia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋