This morning my 4 year old daughter came into my room to wake me up. She was acting all cute and giving me kisses all over my face. Then she spit in my eye, thinking that was funny. I was angry and told her that was disgusting and she wasn't going to watch any TV today. She then put on a puppet show for me and our morning continued as usual. When we came downstairs, she went to turn on the TV as usual and I said "No TV" and shut it off. Of course she took a fit and was upset. Now I'm thinking, maybe she is too young to understand what she did? Is taking the TV away from her for the whole day a good punishment for a 4 year old or is this something reserved for an older child?
2007-03-13 03:31:03 · 29 answers · asked by Jennifer S 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Taking away the TV for a whole day is perfectly fine for her. A 4 yr old is definitely old enough to know if you do something unacceptable there will be a consequence. My little ones (3 1/2 yr girl, 2 yr boy) loose something for a day. Usually it is a toy the two of them are fighting over. I put it on a shelf that they can see and they get it back the next day.
Definitely do not go back on the punishment. That will show her that you can be pushed to backing down on punishments.
Just be sure she knows why she cannot see TV. If she asks again or goes to turn on the TV ask her why she cannot see TV. If she does not know, explain it to her and have her say it back to you in her words.
It's so tough being a parent! Take care - you're doing great!
2007-03-13 03:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by g-lady 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I teach 4 year old preschool and have a 4 year old of my own.
Whether or not the punishment was called for isn't the issue anymore. The issue is now that you gave her a punishment and you must stick to it. You told her no TV to teach her that you do NOT spit at someone, EVER so stick with it. To go back on this now would be torture for future discipline.
At 4 you can keep her occupied with other things. She shouldn't be watching much TV anyway. Go out to the library and see what great books they have there - huge big books that she hasn't seen or books on cassette are fun. Go and buy some new harder puzzles. Most of my class are doing 100 piece puzzles with assistance from me. The parents are shocked but then they realize that they never challenged them with anything harder. Perfect day for the two of you to get some special time together.
Make sure at the end of the night you praise her for taking her punishment like a big girl. Tell her that you feel sad when you have to take things away from her but she must learn right from wrong. Have her tell you why you took the television away.
And at 4 she knows spitting is wrong. It was just an impulsive move but she needs to learn self control so this punishment is a good one.
Good Job Mom!
Have a great day. SD
2007-03-13 10:39:09 · answer #2 · answered by SD 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She understands just fine. Children are smarter than we give them credit for. She's at the age now where she's testing her limits with you. And if you don't put your foot down about this 'spitting' thing, she will continue to do that and other stuff too.
In my opinion I would have put her in time out once she spit in your eye. Sent her straight to her room with no TV or any activity for four minutes - one minute for every year old they are. And taking TV from her was the right thing to do - you have to send a message to her that she can't go around doing bad stuff. At the end of the day when you're putting her to bed talk to her about it. Keep it fresh in her mind, ask her why she would do something like that and express how it made you feel to her. She'll get the point. But after that, the next day is a new day and leave it behind... only if she does it again or exhibits some other bad antic. You're doing fine mom, you're doing the right thing!!!
2007-03-13 11:25:31 · answer #3 · answered by gokusgirl_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The punishment was probably a little harsh for the crime because she probably had never spit and really didn't know it was wrong. But at the same time, you can't go back on your punishment even if you think you over reacted. It won't kill her to not watch TV today. I actually don't think its too harsh to take the TV away for the day with a 4 year old, its an effective punishment sometimes. Stand your ground mom, even if you feel a little bad for the punishment, I do too sometimes. Sometimes we give them punishments and then say oh no, now we can't do this like I planned... grrr, we have to think about our punishments a little more sometimes.
2007-03-13 14:51:40 · answer #4 · answered by chefck26 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Originally I would say a whole day without TV is kind of extreme for a child of that age, BUT you already said it. If you do not carry through with a punishment that you set you are teaching her she can get out of it. That is not something you want her to learn. Next time do not punish on the spot, your mad and it is too easy to go overboard. Send her away from you for a few minutes and think about it. It is recommended that for time outs that the child should be in time out for 1 minute per year old, ie she is four so four minutes of time out should be appropriate. As for TV grounding I would think that 1 hour per year would be appropriate. Never hand out a punishment that you are not willing to hold up, otherwise she will learn that and no punishment will ever stick. And the fact that she threw a fit after you told her no shows that she thinks she can change your mind, so I would say no TV for today.
2007-03-13 10:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by krissy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
4 y.o. children tend to start testing the "boundaries" of how far they can go with their parents, before getting punished. Therefore, they need to shown, in one way or another, when they cross that boundary. Obviously, spitting in the face must be classified as "crossing the boundary" of unacceptable behavior. Maybe, restrictions on watching TV is not the best method of showing it. Nevertheless, I think that immediate reaction and thorough explanation of how bad it was must take place. I would explain that "we never do things like this to other people, and if this will happen again there will be a punishment".
2007-03-13 10:44:08 · answer #6 · answered by Kalistrat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh No!
I don't think she is to young to be punished she knows what she did was wrong.
I myself wouldn't take the TV away for the whole day. Maybe just for her favorite show or something.
My daughter is 5 and if I use the TV for her punishment I tell her she can't watch 2 of her most favorite shows.
Good luck
2007-03-13 10:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy2EmNEddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. My 4 year old daughter knows perfectly well that she is to never hit, bite, pinch or spit.
Taking the TV away for a day is perfectly acceptable. It's key however, that you make sure to bring up the issue throughout the day, kindly reminding her that she isn't to spit or she will again lose something else next time.
2007-03-13 10:37:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she knew that spitting was wrong, thats why she laughed. kids like to see how far they can go, they practice this from the start. you really should remain consistant so that she knows you are not a push over and if mom tells me no she really means it. by staying consistant it will really help you in the long run. plus kids are watching way too much TV in the first place, so now she can go read a book. thumbs up for her doing the puppet show thats working her creative side!
2007-03-13 11:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well--I don't think she knew that spitting was a mistake--she is just a child..she thought it was funny right? and you told her not to do it--if you punish her every time she explores something she will become more inhibited with you--now--if she does this again--you can tell her that she already knows not to do this..and then you can take something away for a shorter period of time--make the punishment if you must give her one--more immediate--kids don't really remember much at that age--her sense of time is not clear--so if you tell her--you're getting a time out for 5 minutes versus 30 minutes--both will seem like an eternity--instead--just say--okay you're getting a two-minute time out--and get the punishment over with--again-if you feel she needs one--
2007-03-13 12:18:59 · answer #10 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋