I am supposed to get married in August to a man that lives 3 hours away. We have been together for over a year. He owns his own business and do not have health insurance and I was young when I had my kids and gave custody to my parents. Well I have been with them for 5 years now but I have been unable to work due to taking care of 4 kids and my grandma who is now in a nursing home. My parents are against us getting married cause of the fact of no insurance and feel like he needs to get a full time job with benifits but he can't do that and own his own company. I want nothing more that my parents to support me on this. I am 30 now and take good care of my kids. My parents say there is no way we can get married in August. They know I am not gonna leave my boys here so if they do not give custody then I can't do it. I need to move down there and get a job but I don't want to leave me kids. How can I get them to see that I love him and want to be with him and that we all will do just fine
2007-03-13 03:30:09 · 15 answers · asked by Sarah G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To let everybody I have 3 kids. My parents of custody of 2 and the 4th kid in my nephew who my parents are going to get custody of too. For the people that mentioned me getting a job and getting insurance. That is my plan but I have to move down there first. Like I said he lives 3 hours away. I DO put my kids first. They want to live with me and my fiancee and we can provide for them. My parents don't want them on medicaid and even if my fiancee had insurance you can't put them on it unless we are married so that does not work either. I made mistakes when I was younger but like I said for the past 5-6 years I have been a mom to them. NO man comes before my kids. I will not leave unless they come with me. That is the whole thing. My parents don't believe in Medicaid until I can get insurance through work.
2007-03-13 03:57:33 · update #1
Insurance?!?!?!
There is more to their disapproval. No one avoids marriage because there is no insurance. I would sit down with your parents to find out the real reason they do not want you to get married to this guy. However, most states offer really good insurance for children whose parents have no means of providing them with group health insurance through their employer. Do a quick internet search for your state and you should find something.
2007-03-13 03:41:00 · answer #1 · answered by redwinegirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I appreciate your candor in reporting that you have not always taken care of your children.
It appears that your parents have some valid concerns. They are likely concerned about the effect of this proposed change on the children. Children tend do poorly when they suffer interuptions to attachment. Moving out of your grandparent's home may be quite destabilizing for the kids. These are kids who already live with the understanding that they were given away by their mom. While they will always love and remain attached to you; that event is certain to cause them some pain throughout life.
Your grandparents, though they no doubt have their faults, are doing something very kind and difficult in caring for your four children. I would suggest really listening to what they are saying. After listening to them I would reflecting back to them that you understand and take responsibility for having abandoned your kids in the past. Tell them you want to work to rebuild their trust in your ability to provide a consistant loving home.
Love is a wonderful thing and you are lucky to have found such happiness. Being responsible for what you have done and the effects of your decisions in life is much more difficult. I would argue that there is no profound happiness unless you live within that responsibility; this may mean not getting married to the man you love until he can provide safety and security for your children.
Quite simply, these are the sacrifices of responsible parenthood.
2007-03-13 03:57:52 · answer #2 · answered by John W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I can really see where your parents are coming from. They have custody of them, meaning they are the parents in the eyes of the court. It doesn't matter to the courts if you have been "Mom" for the past five years.
Without health insurance, you are asking for disaster. What if one of them falls and breaks a bone? It is very easy to do, my daughter just fell of the edge of the bed and broke her collar bone. The hospital bill was over $1000. Thank God we have health insurance. Could you afford to pay that out of your pocket? Doctors visits are over $100 a piece, and you have three kids. I think it's wonderful you met a man who wants to marry you and take care of your kids. That is to be commended. Remember, whereever you go to work, healthcare costs for a family of three with a husband, you basically won't be getting a paycheck. Plus, it usually takes three months for the health insurance to kick in. I think your parents just want you financially sound before you move your children.
2007-03-13 04:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because your PARENTS don't believe in Medicaid does NOT mean that you should not get Medicaid!
I agree with some others, there is more behind their opinions about you marrying this guy than insurance.
You need to get down there and get a job that has benefits even if it means leaving the kids there until you are stable in your job.
2007-03-13 05:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there not a program called Medicaid where you live? Not only will it provide you with ample care for your children, but it will also assist you in childcare options while you seek and obtain employment. It really sounds like you are punking out or are scared to get out there and do something for your kids and yourself, and are using your mom as an excuse. You can make calls to find out more information about the various programs out there designed to help those who WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES!! And I think your folks are right: wait before you get married. Get on your feet first, then get married. If this man loves you now, he will love you then. And he will be supportive of your decision to wait. If not, then he never loved you and your kids in the first place, and he's not the one for you. And if your granny is in a nursing home, why do you have to be there 24/7? You can still care for her work.
2007-03-13 03:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sherbert 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What have you done for health insurance until now? If you or the kids were on your parents health insurance, let tham/you stay on it until you can find a job down there. If your parents have had custody all this time you might be up for a fight. Couldn't you apply for jobs before you get married?
2007-03-13 03:35:40 · answer #6 · answered by lagirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are just looking out for what's best for you and your children. Given the fact that you're 30 and have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR kids that it sounds like they're helping you to raise, I think you should show them some respect. There are PLENTY of insurance options out there for entreapenuers. The only question is if your fiancee feels like it's something he should pay for each month. Funny how people have PLENTY of money for i-pods, video games, SUV's, plasma screen TVs, and cigarettes, but they're quick to complain about the costs of medical insurance or gas! ANYWAY.......given your track record with decision making, I think you should listen to your parents. Ask them for their help in trying to make this work instead of butting heads.
2007-03-13 03:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can look into options about a health care bank account. Check your local banks, some offer certain accounts that you can put money into as if you were paying an insurance company. It will build and build and if it comes to the time you need money for health care you can take it out of that specific account. Good luck!!
2007-03-13 03:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT "taking good care of your kids" if you put your needs before theirs.
You are being selfish by getting married to this man and not thinking about health insurance for your FOUR (4 !) children. If you get married and is he is selfemployed, you won;t qualify for medicaid for your children... and they will lose their current health insurance they have... I'm assuming from your parents, since you seem not to be able to get your head out of you @$$.
Why not...YOU get a J O B and supply health insurance for your children. They are YOUR responsabiliy and if you don't provide them with the basic need of HEALTH care, that is CHILD NEGLECT.
I'm with your parents on this one. I hope they or someone will call family services on YOU, You already abandon them once, it seems like you never learn.
You my be 30, but you are IRRESPONSIBLE and inmature. No wonder your parents have custody of your children.
PS/ If you don't know for sure how many kids you have... and claim that you are "taking care of your granma" eventhough she is in a nursing home, you are full of LIES and cannot even get your story together.
Shame on you!
2007-03-13 03:34:01 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You said it in your question...you are 30! Quit letting your parents control you. Take care of business and get married. He can always get health insurance down the road.
2007-03-13 03:34:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋