Help! Baby in four weeks..... What about Daddy?

Question

I have a problem that has caused me to have the unhappiest pregnancy I could have imagined. I am due to have my first child in four weeks. The father is gorgeous by any womans standards, and he knows this. However, he is very gentle with me, caring and sensual. Most of the time. About twice a month we have an over scale blow out. I scream, he screams ( and says nastier things to me than any one ever has in my life) and twice now he has shoved me. Once was about two weeks ago. I have hit him in this face a handful of times, he isnt completely to blame. My mother hates him, they both say horrible things about eachother to me. My mom blames me for his actions and he punishes me for who my mother is. I almost hate them both anymore. I work for my mother so I cannot get away from her. I love him more than anything in this world, but I am having trouble forgiving a lot that has happened. I almost feel like my life would be better without both of them. Should I leave?

Answer 1

Every relationship has their arguements, but he has no right to shove you - just as you have no right to hit him.

If you're going to stay - you both need to set some ground rules for your arguements - for example, if one of you feel the need to get violent, just leave the room. Give each other some time to cool off and then sit down and talk once you have. Tell him that you are not your mom and you no longer want to hear mean things about her or accept the fallout for her behavior. Tell your mom that if she doesn't like him, fine - but under no circumstances is she to bad mouth him to you anymore. If for no other reason, tell her to do it for her grandchild. From that point on - DO NOT go to your mom anytime you and he are having problems. Find a friend or someone else to talk to. If you go to your mom (or any relative) they'll only remember the bad and your cycle will start all over. As far as they're concerned, you're relationship is perfect.

If you choose to leave, make your you get child support and set guidelines for custody and visitation.

Answer 2

Well--it sounds like you are in an abusive relationship but you are also one of the abusers..Things could be escalating because you are about to deliver and your hormones are raging but it's still no excuse--get to a marriage counselor pronto--this is no situation for a new child to be born into--Get some outside objective helpand find some books on anger management--also--instead of spending all your time thinking about how much you hate your husband and mother, etc..focus on positive things--make gratitude lists and do positive activities--they say that the mental state of the mother affects the personality of the child--and even the health--so please stay happy, healthy and calm-if you are religious in any way--now would be the time to get back into it--otherwise-contact supportive friends and family--stop dwelling on negatives--and work on your own temper--love/infatuation will not protect you if you have too many major fights--you could be endangering your and the baby's lives..so stay happy as best you can but also safe--and if you sense trouble--don't escalate the fighting by getting into it--rather--get out of the situation--leave the house, the room, etc..and get calm--again--go see a counselor...good luck...

Answer 3

There is no excuse for your boyfriend shoving you, whether provoked or not, ESPECIALLY since you are so far along in the pregnancy, but even if you weren't pregnant it would be wrong. First, it sounds as if you and your boyfriend would definitely benefit from couples counseling or marriage counseling. If you have health insurance you could call your insurance provider to obtain the name of a reputable counselor. During counseling you should be able to determine if the relationship is going to progress and grow. If not, move on. If it is something you both want, work hard at it! If you both determine that you are going to stay together you need to establish some ground rules regarding your mother. She is your mother and deserves respect! No matter what problems he has with your mother he should not be putting you in the middle, period. If he wants to vent to his friends, go ahead, but you should be hearing it. As for your mother, the man you have chosen to have a child with deserves respect also. She can voice her opinion one time, you get it. After that she needs to try to be as respectful around him as she can. If both of them love you they should abide by the ground rules. Maybe eventually by tolerating each other civilly they will get to know each other better and perhaps even like each other. Good luck to you and God Bless.
P.S. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you get this worked out before the baby gets here.

Answer 4

Yes.....why would you want to raise a child in an enviroment where he/she see's his Daddy pushing his Mommy or his Mommy hitting his/her Daddy....this is just the beginning. It often progresses to way worse situations....You are bringing this child into this world he/she didn;t have a choice ...so you have to make the best choices for them...It's not all about you anymore. Hope it works for you:)

Answer 5

being pregnant is an emotional time. your mother is always going to be your mother. why would you want to be with someone who hits you. and what are you thinking about getting all ghetto and slapping him in the face. you are not mature enough to be having a baby. go home to your mom and next time you want to get pregnant make it be by your husband.

Answer 6

Being shoved while being pergo or not is not acecptable. I would leave, its not worth. What if you were pergo would he have done worse to you then shoving. If you're not engaged or married being that type of relationship isn't good for you or the baby. Look out for your self and baby.

Answer 7

This is most unfortunate. Now that you life is so painful I suggest you take up courage and leave all of them and start your life anew with your to be borned baby. Drop all contacts with them both.

Answer 8

Never put up with a man shoving you, especially when you are pregnant. If he shoves you now, it will be worse later. Get rid of him. I think your mother sees more than you realize..She is worried about you and that baby..Don't be mad at her...

Answer 9

if he was any kind of a man at all he would understand that you are emotional at this time in your life and not treat you that way. He would love and care for you and let you vent even if it hurt his feelings he would stand by you and love you.

Answer 10

You should be having therapy, counseling, to keep your head screwed on right before you let someone else twist it up.
Best wishes.