I am a 34 year old women, my bf is 37. I have all my life been dealing with a controlling and unhappy father. My boyfriend of a year has bowed down in a sense to my dad to get his validation etc. last night after my father knocking every statment made by my boyfriend, my boyfriend went back at him and it lead to very, very heated argument. i am currently in therapy to finally deal with my fathers always being so unaccepting of me all my life. i have been venting quite a bit about my dad latley to my BF and so has my brother since he works with my BF. so after my dad starting with him last night, with all this in mind, he went off..... and u know what i wasnt mad, i was like yeah, tell him. i felt like it was everyting ive wanted to say for over 30 years. my bf tried to apologize and my father keep feeding the fire with comments.
Has anyone had a situation like this?? how can we make it work, i dont want to choose between them.
2007-03-13 03:24:29 · 6 answers · asked by coco 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, you know i actually thought i was the only one with such an extreme father...Im 36 and yep, been through the whole therapy thing too, every family get together was held on egg shells, waiting for dad to errupt.... after years and years of bullying, being told what a failure i am and being screamed and shouted at....5 months ago, I finally stood up for myself and gave him two choices, he either treated me with respect and behaved accordingly, or he stays out of my life permantly, he chose the latter however, and goes out of his way to be as poisonous as he possibly can, ...as it is he blames everything on my boyfriend......not on the fact that HE cant behave,and you know what? LIFE IS FANTASTIC !!! Stand up for yourself, Your fathers behaviour towards you is unacceptable...not your boyfriends (well done you) Your father is the one who has to choose, he has to choose to change his behaviour and treat you with the respect you deserve or he chooses to not have a part of your life, please find that courage and vent back at your dad, it really is the best thing i've ever done, and everybody tells me i look happier than i have in years, i feel it too! I wish you all the luck in the world xxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-03-13 06:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by clare s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your bf is someone that you are planning on spending your life with, then stand by him. There is no choice when it comes to family, no matter what you are always family. How involved you choose to be with your Dad is up to you. If your Dad wants to be a part of your life then he will make the effort. Maybe sugest counseling for your father? Maybe he has reasons for his negativity. Maybe he has reasons for being condescending and belitteling? Who knows, all you know is that he has treated you horribly. You are doing the right thing by seeking therapy. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. And if he is making your life miserable,then choose to distance yourself from him. If he loves you then he will make the effort. If he doesn't care enough to make the effort, then tell him, "Dad I love you, I always will, but you are making my life miserable, and if you don't get help, or deal with your issues, I can't let you be a part of my life". Good Luck, and God Bless!
2007-03-13 03:42:25 · answer #2 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father has to learn to accept you for who you are. You are a grown adult and even if he's not happy with all your choices, it's really no longer his business. The more you give in to your controlinging father the more it feeds that desire to controll. If I had a girlfriend in that situation I couldn't stand by and let her be treated poorly by her father. You need to set some boundaries with him. If he doesn't respect those than there needs to be consequences. The is a series of book by Steven arturburn and Henry cloud called boundaries. It has changed 1000's of life's and helped heal relationships. You can get info at http://www.newlife.com/
2007-03-13 05:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by his.grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make it work by keeping your distance make visits short. Keep your marriage personal and keep conversations light. At this point your an adult, it would be nice if your father was supportive but he is negative energy so keep in contact with your dad but I would not be spending every holiday around him. Unfortunately some people are miserable and you can not change them. Have a happy life.
2007-03-13 03:38:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk on your dad and tell him how lots it bothers you, and if he loves you he will understand and back off... you're over 21 you ought to have a boyfriend without your father being on you like that.
2016-10-18 06:41:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went threw this with my wife dad,, ,, for year he did his best to break up up, ,finly i could take no more, an told him,, look i marred to her an not you,,,,, i even came close to beatting the hell out of him, when he fould out i would not back down, he started to show respeck,,,,, so your bf, got to stand up to him,,,he chosise you,
2007-03-13 03:38:05 · answer #6 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋