I dated this man a few months after his divorce was final. I should have KNOWN that he wasn't healed yet, but either way, we dated anyway and I admit to being the rebound. We dated for 5 months, then broke up because he said that he wasn't falling in love with me yet, and he thought he should be. I am older, and have been single for a while. I truly believe that he is the one for me, but I don't want to be foolish and think that he will come around. We are still very good friends, and have not stopped hanging out together. We share the same beliefs on family, marriage, faith, and I spend most of my time with him laughing. Even my pastor has given me encouragement that maybe he just wasn't ready to date anyone, and that he might come around.
So, can it ever work if I am patient?
More details: His ex cheated, and just got engaged to the man she cheated with. We broke up less than a month later.
2007-03-13 03:17:16 · 7 answers · asked by loves2sing 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Other details: About 2 weeks ago, my dad asked him about what his "intentions" were, and whether or not he loved me. (I wasn't around at the time.) I know that he meant it to be light-hearted, but what would this do to a guy who is unsure to begin with?
2007-03-13 03:20:10 · update #1
Psychology suggests that, after a divorce, you need one year of recovery time for each year of marriage. I don't necessarily believe this because we all have different coping skills and some of us may recover sooner than others.
Regardless, I do think you both overshot the mark by getting together so soon after his breakup. He had no business dating you and you had no business making yourself available as a rebound. But what's done is done... Apparently a great friendship grew out of it and that's the kind of thing that a great relationship can eventually grow from. If you truly love him, all you can do is be a good friend and wait for him. He has been through an emotional wringer and you need to understand that it will take a while for him to be able to let himself trust again. (Look what love got him last time...) Patience sweetheart. If it's meant to be and if things are as great as you say they are when you two are together then it will naturally progress given time.
2007-03-13 03:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by mufflerbearings1967 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it can work but not right now. He needs time to heal and get over the feelings he has about his past relationship otherwise he won't be able to give you the love and attention you deserve. I would be concerned with the fact that he says he wasn't in love with you yet. He may think that you are a great person but deep down he might know that you aren't the one for him and maybe he doesn't want to waste your time(or his).
My advice is give him the space he needs and date other people. You don't have to totally close the door on the possibility of a relationship with this guy but don't wait around for him to be "ready" either because he may never be.
2007-03-13 10:23:16 · answer #2 · answered by Vivita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are patient, and you are willing to wait according to his schedule, I do believe it can work. However, the journey might be tough because you don't know how much time it will take for him to "get over" his past. Coming out of a marraige, he may be always reluctant to fall in love with you especially if his ex cheated....it means he still could be really in love with her.
I think time is good, especially for him because being with him in a relationship will be painful for you because you will feel it's one sided. The best would be to be really good friends with him that way you can give a shoulder to lean on if he needs the support. In due time hopefully you guys will find the right time to fall in love with each other...if not at least you can be great friends and you can find another man that will devote 100% to you. Goodluck!
2007-03-13 10:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It wont ever work.. If it was to it would of already happened.. move on and learn a good lesson to really get to love yourself and not lower yourself to be an others re-bound... re-bounds are exactly re-bounds and they never form healthy relationships... you should try not to be this desperate the next time around and you'll then be able to get a good man and not one that's broken into pieces...
2007-03-13 10:27:56 · answer #4 · answered by I Heart 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It can work, be patient. He's just not ready, and your dad may not have helped the situation
2007-03-13 10:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don know
sounds like he feels his manhood was taken away
u need to turn up the lust
u know grass is greener on this side
2007-03-13 10:20:55 · answer #6 · answered by willow 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I guess only time will tell.
2007-03-13 10:22:37 · answer #7 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋