Would one small mistake really create such a huge damage?

Question

I won't say i cheated on my bf, but i've once went out for movies with a man 14 yrs my senior without telling him. in the end he found out and we nearly broke up but somehow we managed to patched up. however, he would often get angry over trivial matters and bring up that old issue of how he's now thinking about me going to the movies alone with that man and etc and threatened to break once again. and trivial matters are playing a small joke on him by picture messaging him saying that i'm out with a cute guy when in fact that guy is my COUSIN! I'm really at my wits end. what should i do to resolve this problem between us? there really isnt anything between me and that older guy!

another issue i would like to bring up is... some time ago before this movies with old man incident, i was looking through his phone and i realised that his ex has all the while been texting him messages saying that 'our hearts would not change' that kinda lovey-dovey stuff. i kicked up a big fuss but he told me he has never once replied to her messages and so on... i chose to believe him even though a few days before that i chanced upon his call log stating that they had been on the phone just a few days ago.... if i can forgive him for that, why cant he forgive me for such a small issue? do i need to be forgiven anyway?

oh man, i'm getting more confused reading the answers. i've not lied to my bf. to me, lying would be telling him that i've not went out with that guy when i've already openly chatted with that guy about meeting up right in front of him. just that i've nv told him that we're going to the movies and i also didnt know we wld be going to the movies until we met up and finished dinner. and of course, if my bf has gone out with this hot chick i wld definitely be mad. but if he has went out with another 30 plus 40 yrs old woman, i wouldn't. and does that means i cant go out with any other guys other than him, be it my brother or my cousins?

Answer 1

He is pretty insecure about you having friendships with other men. This is a problem. It was compounded by his fears being justified , in his mind, when you went to the movies with another guy. Yhe insecurity is his issue not yours. Whether or not you can continue to tolerate his bad behavior toward you because he is insecure is up to you. In my case it did not get any better. My ex got more and more controlling. I had to leave him because I was tired of being made to feel guilty for nothing all of the time. My self image was that I was bad. Once I left though and started hanging out with people again I felt so free. i felt really good again. He needs to know that you can't go on indefiently being punished for having friends. It comes down to whether or not you are willing to sacrifice your happiness to protect him from confronting his insecurities.

Answer 2

Regardless of whether you say you didn't cheat, there was a reason you kept it from your boyfriend. No matter how you look at it, you have lost his trust. If you are hiding something from your boyfriend, then it is obviously something that you shouldn't have been doing or something that you'd be ashamed of. Yep, you messed up. From here on out he will not trust anything you say because YOU lied. You're saying that you're fed up, how do you think he feels. And the crap with this guy cousin of yours...still the same issue, he isn't going to trust you with any guy...even if it is you so called cousin. I think you two should just go your separate ways...it's hard to gain trust back once you've lost it. If you stay in the relationship then you'll just be miserable from his nagging and jealousy issues...and he'll kick the bucket from an anxiety attack. Good Luck! And in the future you should keep things more out in the open...never do anything you would be ashamed to tell.

Answer 3

Ever heard the expression "forgive and forget?" Well, your bf can't seem to master that concept. People who like to hold on to past "wrongs" and keep bringing them up can be hell to live with. Why you would deliberately push his buttons and "joke" about being with another guy when you know your bf is the jealous type is another important question. Sounds like you both need counseling.

Answer 4

You guys might as well throw the towel in now....Apparently both of you can't be trusted...You with dinner/movie,and him with the ex.Then you go and add fuel to the fire by playing a joke on him.If i was him i'd be talking to the ex too...

Answer 5

You made a mistake. You admited it and even though you've agreed to work things out this is obviously still bothering him. Offering to go to counseling to help work through this, but either he's going to trust you or not and he needs to quit throwing it in your face.

Answer 6

hello there wake up,how would you feel if he had gone with some girl and not told you.people who really love are very jealous and possessive understand that.now you have to take some xtra effort to convince him,like buy him a card,a suprise gift or something that makes him know that you are for him.

Answer 7

Move on. Your bf obviously isn't very forgiving. If he gets all worked up and won't forgive you for something small like that--what will happen if you do something even bigger?

Answer 8

maybe all these problems could have been prevented befor you though about going out with another guy-ask yourself this? what would you have done if your boyfriend went out with a hot chick?

Answer 9

Talk to your guy and convince him that there is no such thing and you really do love him

Answer 10

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