Should I just give my children to him to save them the grief?

Question

My husband is suing for custody. He has attached to his complaint letters that I wrote when we were married and he was cheating when I talked about how sad I was. That is over a year ago but he is alleging that I am too depressed to keep the kids. He and I have shared the kids 50/50 for almost a year but suddenly I am too depressed to have them?
He got angry because i asked his girlfriend not to spend the night at his house when the kids are there. They have the other half of the month to have all of the sex that they want.
He comes from a family of people who cheat,think that it is OK to leave their familties for extended periods. I didn;t know this before I married him.

I can counter this with evidence about his excessive drinking, his parents mental illness and drinking ( with whom he leaves the kids when he is to have them because he works and travels, how he is under the care of a therapist and how he is violent. He has political goals and this would kill those. Should I?

Answer 1

You need to be able to do what is best for the kids.He sounds like he is full of hate.My sister had a ex husband that would drag up anything, even used her so called friends.But the judge has seen all this sort of stuff before, he will give custody to the person that is best for the kids, normally the main caretaker.My sister won, we all could see through the over protecting control freak of an ex husband, even the judge.Don't give up for your children's sake

Answer 2

Under no circumstances would I hand my children over to him.
If you are only thinking of doing this because of his threats and you want to save the children the hastles, don't. How would they feel when one day they come across the divorce papers (they will snoop at some time) and find out Mom didn't even fight for them...just gave them away).
He cannot use depression against you - it's a medical disorder - a chemical imbalance in the brain and can be controlled with medication. If everyone with depression was discriminated against, over half the world would be in trouble.
Fight for your children. Gather evidence. You don't say the age of the children but if they are teens or nearing that age, the judge will take into consideration their wishes.
If need be to keep the children...if you feel they are unsafe when not with you and are left with his parents....get childrens aid involved and get them to make spot inspections....at your house as well as his so there is no discrimination and you can tell him you're a victim here as well...you don't know who called.
Those letters he attached where you said you were so sad...hopefully they say why...because he was cheating. That'll go against him not for him. Get a good lawyer...the right lawyer makes all the difference.
Good Luck

Answer 3

People with depression can have custody of their children. That isn't reason for him to get them unless you're so depressed you can't care for them right.

You should go after him in any way you can. His political goals aren't your concern. If this is how he wants to play the game then play the game to win.

Any man who is willing to take children from their mother rather than figure out how to strengthen their bond with her doesn't deserve much. He's either too rotten and selfish a person to have custody or else he's diluded himself into seeing a depression that doesn't exist as a way to asuage his guilt of trying to get custody. Chances are your ex-husband is just an example of the lack of character that comes from families like his, so if you know you don't have some serious mental illness then dig up every spec of dirt you can on him and make it good and known to all attorneys and courts involved.

Answer 4

Would this be a good move for your children? Or for you? Obviously not.
What does your solictor say? This sounds as though it is going to be nasty and dirty. Which is a pity. Is there anything you can do to calm the situation down?
Although I feel for you re the girlfriend sleeping over, it is something that will eventually happen. It might stick in your craw (as it would mine) but I would back down. The kids aren't going to see them having sex and quite frankly, if your husband cared what you thought, you wouldn't be in this situation now.
This is a no-win situation. The control has been taken from your hands. You must do what is best for your children and sending them to live with a womanising, drunken father is not the answer.
This will pass and things will improve. Good luck.

Answer 5

You should see a therapist adn get a clean bill of health--that is--get some proof that you are not too depressed to handle custody of your children--then-do what you need top to protect your rights to your children--do not let a manipulator take away your children from you--yes--it may be hard--but you are a good mother and are only protecting your children--do what is right for you and your kids...yes--and if he is having girlfriends over in the presence of your kids-it is not necessarily something that should be happening--you can definitely bring that up--don't attack him--but bring up what you need to--maybe you should have full custody from the looks of it...

Answer 6

Are you really willing to give up your children knowing what is in store for them or are you going to stand up and change your life so they have a fighting chance? You have a choice to make here are you going to feel sorry for yourself or are you going to stand up and fight for those children. Depression will control you until as long as you let it. You have to stand up and shake off all that has happened and move from the past to the present. I don't know if you drink or are on drugs. You can give up if you choose, but you need to understand the consequences.

Don't use "depression" as a way to justify this. Look at what kind of household they are going to suffer through and ask yourself is that the best they deserve.

Answer 7

i think of you're leaving some info out. Your request to no longer have his lady pal spend the night at the same time as the youngsters are there is no longer so unreasonable that it warrants his utilising for complete custody. Secondly how ought to you "only provide" your babies to him to maintain them the grief? No. plenty extra effective than saving grief is going into this form of momentous decision. Why might you retaliate in this form of way? do no longer you think of making this much extra nasty will harm the youngsters to boot? Squelch this now in case you are able to. communicate with a criminal professional and communicate the situations and decide the main non violent answer/compromise. in my opinion i might combat to the loss of life to maintain my childrens; there are veeerrry efficient procedures to enable him be attentive to which you're no longer taking this mendacity down without making it loud and nasty. take care of and shop your babies.

Answer 8

don't ever stop fighting for your kids if you really want them, you have to think about them in the end.
as for asking him not to have his girlfriend spend the night that isn't really any of your say or right anymore. all you can do is ask him to make sure his company is appropriate and that the kids won't be put in any type of danger from them.
as for the other part, if your going to bring things up you must have proof other wise you are only fighting on he says/she says and that won't win over to well in court.
my advise go talk to a therapist that is what a judge would say, even if you are fine now it is a good way to show them hey I'm OK ask my psychologist. as of todays world it is better for children to be with their parents-look at children of abuse-the courts order them to still see their parents (depending on the situation it might be supervised but sometimes it is not -its sad but the courts still say they need the parent father/mother). so don't jump to conclusions that your going to loose your kids and stop fighting, always put everything into it, even if that means looking into private investigators for your proof.

Answer 9

fight for your kids, don't take the easy way out. they need you to do everything in your power to make sure that the final custody arrangement is in their best interest and he doesn't sound like he's the best choice for them at this point. your depression at the time was situational and justified and plus it states in your letter that he was adulterous. those are all things the court will take into consideration. do whatever you need to do to ensure that your kids stay safe and happy and if that means a drawn out custody battle, so be it. don't just hand them over to someone because fighting for them would be a pain in the ***.

Answer 10

You want to give your kids to a violent drunk so they can be left with mentally unstable people while he is away....i DONT think so! Dont you dare give up fighting....get a backbone and let him know you will be bringing ALL of his dirty laundry out in court if he doesnt back off. I would be suing HIM for supervised access to them...he doesnt sound like he is capable of having them unsupervised. The only grief you will be saving the children is if their father gets hold of them permanently. Fight dam.mit!