I has married to him for 9yr. Divorced for 8 yrs and back together for 8 as my boyfriend. he did drugs & drank. he now has 11 yr old daughter who lives with us. promblem he is belittling, sarcastic, mean to me. he give me 400 a mo for bills. i own the house and pay all bills, buy both them, clothes, gifts, wants and needs, doctors , accountant, problem solver, do improvements to house, ie plumbing, painting, etc and all the house work plus go to dump mow the yard take care of plants, take dogs to vet, give meds to them and more. however he is not loving, or care for me. he loves hugs the dogs, is daughter. not me. he complains about me all the time. he has a mouth and when we argue he gets so that he must MUST have an answer that he wants to hear, even though it is not what happened. His daughter I've been with since she was 3yrs and she is starting to act like her father towards me . i bought an house and going to leave, but i feel so awfully GUILTY. am i crazy
2007-03-13 01:30:39 · 15 answers · asked by MESAMATER 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We can not tell you what to do. You need to do some serious soul searching and decide for yourself.
However, I will tell you what I did. I was in a similar situation for years. He had a daughter who I still love, but I left him anyway. He drank too much and only wanted one thing from me. He spent all of his free time drinking and hanging out with his friends. He only want to hang out with me in bed. I did all the housework, shopping, paying the bills (though he did give me most of his paycheck), but I was never appreciated. I went back once for about a year and realized it was not going to work out so I left again. We've been apart for almost 3 years now and he still has not changed all that much. He doesn't drink anymore, but nothing else has improved. However, I feel much better about myself and I am a stronger person than I was then.
Your boyfriend's daughter is learning from him how to treat other people and if you continue to take it she will learn that what she is doing is okay. Leaving him is not the same as leaving them. I don't know your whole situation, but you could still keep in contact with her if you wanted to so she would not feel like you hate her. If you decide to stay though, you need to be sure she does not continue to treat you that way. You are the mother-figure and she needs to respect you.
You've been through this before with him and he has not changed. You just have to decide what you feel you are worth and how you feel you should be treated. If you decide that you deserve more than what you are getting, you should leave.
2007-03-13 03:10:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not crazy. I can see how you would feel guilt.
Let's say you stayed, and continued being abused and disrespected. Not to mention carrying most of the load for the household. I'm sorry but screw that.
How much good would you be to yourself or anyone else, being unhappy? Being available to those you care about has to start with you.
I say do what you have to do at this point, if you see no other choice. Your happiness should come first. It will get easier with time. She is starting to act like her father toward you because this is what she sees. It's a learned behavior. If you love her, keep telling her, no matter what. Offer to have her over or keep in touch/see her after you move.
2007-03-13 01:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by Maudie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not feel guilty. He is using you and treating you like crap. If I was around there I would go and smack the **** out of him beacuse he deserves it. I would only be worried for that child beacuse if he drinks and does drugs how can he support a child? Can he meet her needs emotionaly? I would even get proof he drinks and does drugs and call social services. I am even worried for that child now.
You need to do whats best for you now, I know ti may hurt sometimes to leave people behind but it is required for you to be happy. Being happy is the most important thing in this world beacuse lets face it, life is just to damn short.
2007-03-13 01:35:55 · answer #3 · answered by Dagnome 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't respect yourself nobody will...get him and his daughter out of there, you are not crazy, feeling guilty is just a feeling, not who you are..if you own the house, call the police/ get an eviction notice, you may also need a protection order, this guy sounds like a bully and is teaching his daughter the same behavior, get some respectable people in your life, be safe...bless you
2007-03-13 01:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont...he might try to guilt trick you though so dont fall into it but dont hes deff not treating you right
you need to tell his daughter though that you are always there for her and if she needs anything youll be there....it sounds like if an adult cant take it shes going to have a hard time with it too....call her and stuff too dont rely on her shes 11 but make sure she knows someone cares about her.
It just doesnt sound right the way hes treating you
2007-03-13 01:35:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him out of your house and now.
Tell him to pack up and go.
Take his daughter with him also. She is not your responsibility and you need to quit holding on to the emotional part of this bond.
It is not good for you or the child to be in this environment.
You need to have some sanity and peace in your life.
You have allowed this behavior to continue from him and now you must stand your ground and tell him to move out.
You married him, divorced and now you took him back for more.You have got to look at your bad choices her.
If he won't leave you must call the police and have him removed.
He is not a positive factor in your life and you need to clean house.
Someone who is abusive will cause such loss of self esteem and will damage your spirit.
You need to act now.
2007-03-13 01:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i think you are crazy for staying so long with him. You are more than crazy to ever go back with him. What are you thinking about. You need counseling and help. You have taken the right steps. You need to be happy with yourself and your life not feel guilty about someone that treats you so bad. You owe him nothing and you have nothing to feel guilty about. He is abusing you and is teaching his daughter to abuse you to. You are not a slave so stop acting like one. Get some help as your mental state has been completely damaged. Get on with life. Guilty Free.
2007-03-13 01:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by NIck N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. Its your life and he sounds like a user and abuser. Don't feel guilty about the daughter. Stay in touch with her if she wants you to first by mail then maybe calls or day stuff. But hes a bad apple... If she rejects you also just move on and forget..
2007-03-13 01:35:21 · answer #8 · answered by gregory_usa83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your only crazy if you continue with this relationship. he doesn't love or care about you he is using you for a maid, wife, housekeeper, mother, bill payer. do not stay because of the little girl. he will eventually find someone to replace you, maybe he will treat her better.
do you really want to waste your youth on this relationship. go out and meet people and live your life. get an unlisted number or caller id and do not talk to him or allow him to use you anymore.
2007-03-13 01:39:22 · answer #9 · answered by misse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not feel guilty at all.... I am a guy I have lived with a family just like that and I left and do not feel a bit guilty about it.... So do what you got to do if I was you I would have left him a long time ago.....
2007-03-13 01:35:32 · answer #10 · answered by USCG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋