i have been married for little over one year.?

Question

my marriage was an arranged one. consequently i am stil discovering my husband. we both love each other very much.
but some times i am very hurt over something . to get it off me i talk to my lady friends and feel really better. later when he makes it up to me i feel really guilty. what i do to elevate my sadness looks like such a crime later on.....
am i a normal person or a *****?

no it is not violence.
it is like sometimes he wants things done his way .

for which he may get angry and say very hurtful things

i am an indian girl where people still have the concept of arranged marriage.
but friends thanks to all of you for your kind words. i am not feeling like choosing one best answer cuz i like so many of them. wud just say thanks to all of you...

Answer 1

Even if your marriage was not arranged, it's still perfectly healthy to vent to your friends. Believe me, I'm married and have been for many years and to this day I still vent to friends! You should not feel guilty for doing what is normal and healthy.

As far as whatever it is your husband is doing to upset you... have you told him it upsets you? Men of all cultures do things that upset their partners and they don't even realize it! Try talking to him and tell them that you would like to see changes be made.

I wish you the very best!

Answer 2

Talking to your friends about your life is perfectly normal. It helps give your perspective. After all something that might have really annoyed you at the time could in fact become something to laugh about later on once you have looked at it in a different way. Plus there are times it is better to get it off your chest outside, after all you may just be having a bad day and if you don't vent it in some way it is just going to fester and possibly explode in a way that will seriously damage if not destroy your relationship.

Perhaps talking to him when you both have time and are relaxed would be helpful. He may not realise that it upsets you but ultimately as long as it isn't emotionally or physically harmful for either of you it can be best just to shrug off what annoys you and learn to live with it or turn a blind eye. Marriage is above all about compromise and friendship. Work on those 2 points and the rest should come by itself.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, you are normal. Your life has undergone major changes since you married. It is normal to have many emotions and reactions to these changes. It is good you have female friends to talk to. Don't feel guilty. It is good that you and your husband love each other; you can resolve your difficulties together. Remember you are getting used to each other. Both of you will change during the years and your marriage will change with this. Marriage is not all hearts and flowers as portrayed in the movies; it needs to be worked at.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Hi Rose. It is normal to need friends to talk to. And if you are upset about something, your friends are there for support. There is nothing wrong with that. The only thing I caution against is this. If the reason you are hurt by him is because of violence, don't let him make it up to you. Leave. If it's not a violence issue, wonderful! Stay with him and tough it out. Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow, what a woman you must be to commit to the concept of an arranged marriage. Though I'm happily in love and am looking forward to my wedding day in the coming months, I sometimes think going back to the days when everyone had arranged marriages might be a good idea!

I'm not going to tell you what you should do or if you're normal...because who knows what normal is, but I will tell you something I very strongly believe in regards to marriage.

I think you have a very good example of why it's wrong for women to complain to their friends about their husband. A marriage is to be built on trust and love...even when you don't always feel your partner is being as loving as he/she should be. Venting to your friends tears down the trust and loyalty in a marriage and will ultimately bring a lot of hurt. My fiance and I are very loyal and committed to one another and I would never think about complaining about something he said to me or did to me to a friend...discuss things with him, choose your timing wisely of course.

Now, alot of females will disagree with this...they say there's nothing wrong with venting to your friends, or that all females need friends to talk to about their marriage problems, etc. But for me, my fiance and I are best friends and if I can't speak to him about something than I don't want to speak to anyone about it.

I'm sorry your husband speaks badly to you sometimes, though.

All the best,
-emay

Answer 6

You talk to lady friends about what? Your question is hard to break into simple concept. I would have to tell you, that even when your marriage was arranged, there are things that destiny will guide. Meaning that you should follow your heart. Be happy, because all you will ever get is a single life.

Answer 7

Given the circumstances, even thou you are married it is as of you are barely dating. I believe it to be normal. Just be careful what you say. I am sure that you do not want to project an image of your husband driven from ill feelings.

There are some things that we need to get off of our chests, then there are those that we should keep to ourselves.

Also try not to make it a habit to share with your friends how you feel, you may consider sharing with your husband as well.

He needs to know what upsets you, hopefully to minimize if not eliminiate the issue.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You are getting TOO MUCH advise from people who have problems like you do. A bunch of Women OR Men telling you what you should do is not going to solve your problems. Sit down and have a talk with yourself, and try to see what the problem is, AND then talk with your husband about them. If he does not want to do this, things ARE NOT going to change. An arranged marriage is BAD< BAD< BAD. You should have found out about him before you got married and NOT have let someone tell you what to do. It is YOUR life and no ones else.

Answer 9

everyone needs a friend or someone to talk to sometimes. that is normal. stop feeling guilty. if you and your husband love each other then you need to tell him how you feel. since you didn't tell us what the something is i can not really give you complete feedback. if he is hurting you or making you do something that makes you uncomfortable then it is wrong.

Answer 10

No you are very normal we all need to get emotions off our mind to relieve stress if not we would implode or explode either way it's bad