parent problem please help!rather long!?

Question

ok....where to start,I am a 17 year old girl in the uk.I live with my partner and we have been together since i turned 16 (August 2005). When i moved in with him a year ago my parents did not talk to me but told my partner that i would come crawling home within 3 months,

Anyway i did'nt go crawling back and im still happy I work four days a week for £300 and help his 60 yr old mother at home as she is ill.
Heres the problem,ever since i moved in it seems my mum only wants to talk to me when its a time that some one in the family has to recieve presents ie Xmas b.day easter ect.
last yr we were planning to go to portugal and she signed my passport form then when i got a letter saying i needed a birth certificate of my mums she and my dad laughed in my face and said i was not going untill i was 18!!!(I got round the problem with my fathers birth cert and their wedding certificate,so i g2g to portugal!)
my dads being awful two and there causing me and my partner to row what can i do

I live 5 mins from them and moving is not an option at the moment. I am 18 in august and they are making my life hell but i have 2 little brothers and a little sister that i do not want to lose contact with.

I want to do some thing to get them back as well i know its childish but after all they have done to me i just want to upset them.

My partner is portuguese and when i started going out with him and every time my mum sees me she says i should be with some one english not some one who is from another contry please please im fed up now........thank you xxx♥♥

Answer 1

Well it sounds like you have a lot on your plate ther sweetie but you know I am 24 yrs old and if there is one thing I know is you do not choose who you fall in love with. If he treats you like you need to be treated and works and takes care of you (your boyfriend that is) then that is all they need to be concerned with and if they are not it is probably because of the choice you made to leave from the nest so early. They might resent you a little ok well a lot but everyone just reacts different. They want you to fail and come back home because that is what they want is for their baby to come home and they can be in control. This happens all the time. I know you want to get back because it is human nature but you moved out of the house and are more mature than that and if you try something to get them back it may backfire in your face and they will try to hurt you more especially with your siblings you love so dearly so I would just suck it up and show them just how mature you are and that you can make it on your own and tell them no matter what they do they can not break you. If your mom only wants to talk to you about gifts tell her you got it under control. Take hold of your partner and tell him that you two can get through this and that nothing is going to come in between you two, he might want to hear that men are afraid of loosing loved ones also. Just stay strong and be a lady at all times they will respect you in the end. How long that will be well no one knows. Try to talk to someone in the family that will listen and maybe talk to them and let them know they are pushing you away. If that does not work then time is healing and maybe you need to take time away because the stress is draining, I know...........you can still see your siblings at their school or depending how old they are then they can come to your home and you can be comfortable. I hope I helped you and stay strong you already know you can make it on your own just belive in yourself and stay true to yourself the only people they are fooling are themselves. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!!

Answer 2

You don't mention the possibility of marriage. (You're very young, but you ARE living together.)

The best revenge consists of two steps:

1) FORGIVE THEM. They are your parents and despite their behavior, they DO love you. They only want what's best for you, but if you've been doing fine on your own and will be 18 soon, you're obviously mature enough to make your own decisions regarding your own life. You moved out at a very young age (probably with an attitude of "I don't need you anymore" as well), and it's hard enough for parents to let go of their children when they are on GOOD terms with them!

2) If you want them to treat you like a mature adult, behave like one. If your mom only wants to talk to you when it's time for presents; fine. It's HER loss, but don't let it create problems between you and your boyfriend. You're very young but if the two of you have made it through the past year and are still committed to one another, you can NOT let ANY family member try to control that relationship. If you behave like a mature adult and treat her with love in spite of her attitude, she'll come around a LOT sooner and accept your decision. Don't wait for her to contact you - give her a call once in awhile just to say "hi". If she hangs up on you, that's HER problem. At least you know YOU'RE making an effort to be a responsible loving young woman. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Just stick it out until you are 18 I guess....here in the USA a 16 year old would have never been allowed to move out like that....tell your parents that you made a desicion to become an adult earlier than most and that it has worked out fine....and tell your mom you don't apprcicate being contacted only at holiays and times when it is traditional to buy a gift for someone because it makes you feels like that is all she wants from you. Hang in there...seems like you are doing okay. : )

Answer 4

ok you in basic terms get one set of mothers and fathers in case you opt for to have them on your existence ask them for a gathering as quickly as there say mom and dad i will talk jointly as you pay attention then that's going to be your turn to talk and that i will pay attention enable them to word of the actuality which you're an person now and function your very own kinfolk and try difficult to do a large interest merely like they did with you,,,yet you're no longer them . make useful they recognize which you and your husband stand united on all subject concerns i might recommend which you enable them to renowned that for the time of circumstances of duress we don't continually make large judgements. in the event that they are open to all of this nice if no longer then supply it a while like i stated they are your in basic terms mothers and fathers or perhaps they could and useful have made blunders ,even good christians do.... do no longer stay on the miscarriage..god continually opens a window while a door is close...you will never understand why,merely recognize that there replaced right into a good reason god is all understanding

Answer 5

You are very young to have left home. I am sure that the anger your parents project to you stems from them constantly having to worry about you. If your companion treats you with respect, then I wish you luck. If not get home asap, before you get hurt.

If you stay, your parents will eventually get over it. They may never like your partner, but they will in time accept your decision.

Answer 6

Hi Sweetie,

Well, you're really hurting at the moment arn't you? From what I can gather, you want to resolve all of these issues, keep everybody happy as well as yourself?
I think you need to try and understand how this situation has affected everybody, and trust me you are not the only one who is experiancing massive amounts of hurt.
From a mum's point of view, her child, (and yes no matter how old you get to be, you will ALWAYS be her child) is the most precious thing in her life, she carried this child, fed, clothed, raised this child, put all her own hopes and dreams into this child, prayed that this child would grow into a beautiful adult, have an education, eventually meet a good honourable man, get married etc............Nowhere in the 16 years that your mum raised you, was this boy who was going to take you away from your safe home environment, and expose you to god knows what.....You also say that your dad's being awful too, Honey............I got news for you.....They are reacting to YOUR behaviour !! You have given your parents the biggest slap in the face ever.....you have thrown the 16 years of upbringing, love and support in their faces.... and gone and done your own thing........which is the biggest ouch you can give your parents, they are massively hurt, and
the problem with so much hurt flying around, is that people tend to lash out and try to hurt back....so everybody is hurt and enormously angry......which of course only makes things worse....
As far as you building bridges and trying to sort things out with your family and your boyfriend....You NEED to accept responsibility for your own actions in all of this...and you NEED to understand that of course your parents are going to blame your boyfriend....its NORMAL .You say your mum seems to only want to know when its 'gift' time, has it occured to you that perhaps she's trying to make an effort for the whole family on these days? Maybe she feels this is the only time she can get you there?....
I would suggest firstly ......Write a letter to your parents accepting that they were quite right to be angry, and that yes, you accept that you were the cause of this anger and upset. Explain to them that whilst you now understand that things could have been done differently, unfortunately you can't change what's happened, but you would really like to put this to oneside and try and call a truce for everybody's sake....Ask please that they let you get on with your relationship with your boyfriend, and let nature take its course, explain that if the relationship is not the right one for you then it will end in its own time, but also if it is right, then it's going to be your life for a very long time also, explain to your mum that you miss your siblings and you want to see them, but that you dont want them to end up in the middle of this argument......suggest that you make time for your family each week without your boyfriend being around, seeing as you only work 4 days a week, perhaps you could meet your mum somewhere neutral for a coffee? Or maybe start smaller.....send your mum a 'Hi mum, thinking of you' text......(or your dad!)

Secondly on the boyfriend front...........You and your boyfriend are responsible for your rowing......it's not your parents making you fight, its your own behaviour !!! If you say you are fighting 'over' your parents...then there is a really simple solution.....stop talking about them.......agree to leave them outside of your relationship....

Thirdly....You can only control your own actions, so make sure you act as calmly, fairly and as unselfishly as you can, think before you speak.......If you are calm and quiet the other person has nobody to argue with, if you follow this and nothing improves? Remember that you ARE NOT responsible for other peoples actions or their lack of self control,

Answer 7

Cut them off. They are your parents and they will see that they shouldn't mess with you, that their little girl isn't going to take it anymore. They should be respecting you.