IM PREGNANT ! But my boyfriend doesnt want it !!!!?

Question

Ive just found out im 4 weeks pregant to my boyfrind of 5 months. We have had a very intense realtionship and are in love with eachother although it only a short tim eot have achild together i know. My boyfrind already had 2 kids to another woman but obviously isnt still in that relationship but gets to see the kids every weeekend.
He is totally admant that he does not want another child but i dont want to get rid of it! i had a terination years ago and was depressed for about a year after and it really really affected me badly and i dont want to go through that feeling of regret again!!!!
Anyone got any serious advice !?
Thanks

Answer 1

You know how you felt after your previous termination, and chances are you'd feel the same. I think you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to stay in a relationship that requires you to sacrifice so much. Is it fair of your partner to not want the child? What do you think about being a mother? Is adoption or fostering something you could consider? This isn't an easy situation, but you have to take time to think about what you want - ignore you partner and his baggage and opinions - work out what YOU want. You sound like you are sure that you want to keep the baby, so that is what you should do. I'm assuming that you want children at some point in your life - perhaps your partner will never want more children? I know its a little too soon in the relationship to be asking all these questions, but unfortunately it has to be done. You've got to work out what you want to do, and where you want your life to go.

TheSite has a great information section about unplanned pregnancy that will help you decide what is the best option for you. It appears to be unbiased, you always have to watch with pregnancy guidance - a lot of people have an agenda. Be careful whose advice you list to. http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/safersex/unplannedpregnancy/impregnantwhatnow

Best wishes xx

Answer 2

You can always consider an open adoption, this way you won't have to terminate the pregnancy. I'm sure that it would still be painful, but maybe not as bad as terminating the pregnancy.

While I understand that you have had as you said, a very intense relationship with your boyfriend, why were you not taking birth control to avoid pregnancy. You were aware that you had already had once pregnancy, you were also aware that your boyfriend already has children from a previous relationship. It sounds like you knew that he didn't want any more children, as you said he was adamant about it. So why didn't you take precautiond to avoid taking your self there again.

The only thing I can think of is that you were trying to become pregnant, what else could you have been thinking if your were not using bith control.

More written later:
Maybe you should keep your baby even if it means leaving your boyfriend, it you want to have you baby you should be able to. You said that you were so hurt by terminating the other baby, don't do that to your self again. Maybe keep it and give it a good home and love your baby, this may be what you are wanting. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby, you will feel better if you do what you want.

Don't worry about what your boyfriend wants at this point if you want to keep your baby then you should, it's your right and your baby's life that is more important than what some man wants any way. If it means leaving him then do so, it's yours and your baby's life.

You will be just fine with what ever you do ,I'm sure things will work out for you, take care.

Answer 3

You need to think this through properly. He doesnt want it, so you need to realise he wont be there for you when you have the baby, and the child may not have a proper father. From the childs point of view do you think you could honestly give it everything it needs? Think about when you were a child and what you loved about it, would your child have the same?
I had a termanation about 6 years ago and I went through a long time of grief for it and I always said I would never do it again. I now have 2 children and am I single mum. We are very happy and I have done more now than I would have when it was just me (buying house, learning to drive etc) I would say now though, that if I was pregnant again I dont think I would have it. Its been hard work and I had the children when I was in a relationship, (one after we had just split up).
Its your decision to make really. Weigh up the pros and cons of it, and what your gut is telling you. If you seriously cant have a termanation then say bye to the boyfriend and start making plans to give the child a good future.
Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you x x

Answer 4

You need to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially able to raise this child. I don't think you are.

Unless you are done with college, a working professional with a good income, have supportive family members, some savings, good health insurance, a mature and responsible state of mind.... I just don't see this as being a good idea.

I'm not judging you, however, people who are in a good position to have children don't typically get involved with guys like him and accidentally get pregnant. Here's some things to consider:

- He has kids and does not want more. If you have this child, he wont be there for it. He'll drop you so fast. He doesn't even *share* custody of the kids he does have. A very bad sign.

- You'd need pre-natal care which costs money.

- You're hospital bill for having the baby will be at least $10,000.

- You might want to look around at how much it costs to raise a child.

- It's not all about the money, but it kinda is. My cousin is letting his child go without dental care because he doesn't have insurance. Her teeth are rotting out.

- You can rule out dating for the next 9 months. After the baby comes you'll be overwhelmed for awhile. It's not like no guy will date you, but you'll have to pay for a babysitter. And how many guys want to date women with kids? They really don't.

- Whatever hopes or dreams or plans you have for your life will have to take a backseat and may never come true. Your child will always have to come first - for the next 18 years of your life. Kids often need help after that so make it 20.

- Your boyfriend is probably already having a hard time paying child support for 2 other kids. You probably wont get a penny from him. So don't count on your baby daddy being around.

- The planet is over-populated already with 90% of the foster care system made up of teens no one wants. Everyone is so selfish - they simply must have their *own* child - but they never stop to think about the consequences of this.

I know this is difficult. I terminated a teen pregnancy. Years later, seeing all the ups and downs my life took I'm so glad I didn't keep him. He would have had a young inexperienced mother and a life on welfare and ended up hating me. I could barely take care of myself at times. Life is hard.

I suggest that if you don't want to go through that feeling again and if he doesn't want more children again that the two of you use birth control. Condoms and the pill or condoms and spermicide.

There is hope. Someday, like me, you will meet a man that is worthy of having a child with. He will work hard, want the baby, and you'll both be able to provide the best possible environment. It will be amazing. I promise. Children need more than just love.

Your desire to avoid emotional pain is selfish and a sign that you are not ready to have a baby. You need to be thinking about the kid and what's best for it.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you've already made the decision to keep the baby and that you're just looking for people to tell you this is the right decision.

I think if you've had an abortion before and found it very difficult then another one isn't your best bet.

Maybe adoption?

Will you hold this against your boyfriend if you go ahead with want he wants? It could ruin your relationship anyway and you could end up without both your baby and your boyfriend.

Have you spoken to anyone in your family, maybe this will help you make the decision and make the situation easier for you?

Good luck.

Answer 6

It seems a lot of people are keen to point out that you don't need him for the baby. I guess you don't, but being a single mum is tough, being a single mum with a newborn baby can be hell. It's nice that you can make all the decisions without having to ask anyone (perfect for today's me,me,me society), but there will be no one to ask for help when things go wrong. I am not saying get rid of it, thats up to you, but think hard about it and also about how you are going to manage financially, who is there to help with the baby when you need to (yes, mums need a break ocasionally), who is looking after you when you get post-natal depression and how you will cope with losing most of your friends (even though you will make new ones at the Mother & Baby group). The romantic view of "it has a right to be born" isn't that great when you can't afford nappies, the baby is screaming all night with colics and you are all alone with no one to talk to for days.
I wish you good luck and hopefully he will stick around in the end.

Answer 7

If you think you can cope without him and will have the support of friends and family and you really want to keep it then do what you want to do. He clearly is not going to stick around if you do decide to have the baby, but i think that tells you about what kind of person he is and do you really want to be with someone like that?

Whatever you decide i wish you luck, i was in the same situation once but i had a termination, the relationship didn't work out anyway so i think my decision was for the best.

Answer 8

Well I think you already know what to do but I think you should ask him what he expected by having unprotected sex really and if he doesn't want to be there for you your on your own but don't make your choice on him just not wanting more kids caz he cant have it both ways and why should you suffer having an abortion because of him you could also put the baby up for adoption good luck and do what you feel is right for you

Answer 9

sound advice........dump this loser and either keep your baby or set up an adoption. It is not the babies fault you picked such an immature person to have a relationship with. He is so adamant about not having a baby why has not had a vasectomy, or used other control devices.
Keep in mind that if you keep the baby the chances of getting financial support from that loser is going to be slim.
Evidently he doesn't mind having babies it the financial responsibility of taking care of them that's a problem.

Answer 10

First of all it sounds like your happy that you have fallen again, so CONGRATULATIONS hun!!!!!!!!

If you don't want to go through that feeling of regret then don't go through it! I know that its easier said than done. But if you think about it, its not really as you have already had one termination. You know what its like! Does he? No he doesn't.

The most beautiful feeing in the word at a guess is having a baby, and if you want it, well it sounds like you have already made your mind up.

Be strong, and deal whatever comes your way, with your boyfriend.

Good luck sweetheart, and best wishes. x