A friend from uni is getting married and as she's moving to India shortly after the wedding, she's asked for money rather than actual gifts. I feel a bit uncomfortable giving money anyway and have no idea how much is a reasonable amount - I don't want to look stingy but then I haven't got a lot of money to spend. She told me that she didn't expect me to give her any at all because I was spending so much on travelling up to the wedding and accommodation, but I still think I should give something. Just don't know how much!
2007-03-12 22:57:04 · 73 answers · asked by medea_is 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Etiquette dictates that you should give a gift approximately equal to the cost of the dinner (for you and your guest) they will be serving at the reception.
2007-03-12 22:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by Some Guy 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
There is no such thing as an amount of money that you require to give for a wedding. It is still rude and tacky to ask for money, a lot of people do it but you could still be offending and embarrassing some guests as they perhaps did not have excess cash available and perhaps had intened buying the wedding gift with a store card etc. I suppose if your friend is moving to India it is a bit of an unusual situation. She does sound thoughtful realising you are either a student or still not earning a lot and paying out to attend the wedding. Just give what you can comfortably afford with a nice message to the couple. I am sure it will be much appreciated. If you are a millionaire and you give £5.000 and someone is on £15,000 per annum and gives £20 then it is the latter that is the most generous isn't it? Just think of it along those lines.
2007-03-13 13:56:08 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How well and how long have you known the Bride? the Groom? Do you know then jointly or as seperate people? If you are a KEY part of their lives, then you should probably consider giving a significant gift, but if you have lost touch then that should also be considered.
Another important consideration is what you can afford - your friends want YOU to join in on their special day! So if you are not in a position to give them money - which I can understand that you might be hesitant about! I feel the same about a wedding for my cousin! - then think about giving them something that they would treasure and appreciate! This is NOT a gravy boat or salt and pepper shaker, but something that you KNOW that they would appreciate and use - artistic tendencies and abilities come in VERY handy here. As a proffessional artist, this is ALWAYS a good choice for me. But pet-sitting or re-decorating their front room or other useful gifts could be a way of giving them a gift if you are stretched too thin!
The last suggestion I have is to think about what you would give them and then give the cash value of that. If they were registed and you were buying something from the list would it be a) circa $20; b) circa $50; c) circa $100; d) circa $200; or e) more!
If you can only afford a $20 gift or if they are not that close as friends, then don't feel pressurised into giving more. Friendship is not an economic realtionship and it should not be treated as such....
2007-03-13 12:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contrary to some people's beliefs there is no "etiquette" dictating the amount you give a person as a gift. It is NOT the price per dinner plate, nor is it a price "per head" invited. These dictations over other people's finances are LUDICROUS at best and a sad form of extortion at worst.
What etiquette dictates is this: ANY gift should be given from the heart. It should not make the giver struggle, nor should it be inappropriately extravagant. The gift you give should reflect your relation to this person as well as your feeling for them.
What this means is that you should only give what your pocketbook can easily afford (if this is $20 or $200 that it what it is). For most people Money is too impersonal and is considered a last resort only when they do not know what else to give. Since this bride asked for money specifically you should give her money as it is what she obviously is in need of and it IS much easier to move with her as she is moving away, but consider also that she took into account that you traveled to he wedding and she has given you the acknowledgment that she knows you have already given more than may be comfortable and that she appreciates it.
Don't let anyone here dictate what you give. You need to look within yourself and determine if you need to give her more or if your presence is enough since you've already paid alot to attend.
2007-03-12 23:41:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think protocol states that you should give a cash gift no less then the cost of meal at the reception.
That being said however your friend invited you to the wedding because she wants you there.
She does not want to see you set back financially because of the invite.
Give what you can with a lovely card, that is what will be remembered.
I cannot even tell you how much and from whom the money came.
I know I thank all individually and was delighted that they came.
So have fun and enjoy your friend's very special day.
2007-03-16 11:17:33 · answer #5 · answered by makeda m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think as you're paying for travel and accommodation and she obviously understands you can't afford much, that £50 is rather over generous!!! She sounds like she understands that so I'd say if giving an individual amount, make it £20 or £25 max. Caroline's idea of a few friends chipping in together is also a good one as you don't feel so embarrassed or singled out if you give less than you'd like to.
The fact that you're travelling to her wedding means a lot too!
2007-03-12 23:10:14 · answer #6 · answered by nephtine 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just whatever you can afford. She sounds like a lovely friend - too many people put amounts or wedding lists that you are not allowed to deviate on. Don't feel bad or stingy, money's money at the end of the day and she has already told you she doesn't expet anything from you. Good luck, and hope the wedding goes well!
2007-03-12 23:00:37 · answer #7 · answered by JoJi 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she hadn't said that she wasn't expecting anything at all, I would say "the cost of a good night out for you alone", irrespective of where in the world you live and how rich you are - if you're rich enough that you enjoy yourself by going to the opera, then having a meal at a fine restaurant with a bottle of champagne, you ought to be giving more than if a good night out for you consists of a trip to the cinema and a pizza. It's the thought that counts, and if she's a friend then she'll know what sort of circumstance you're in and recognise that no matter how large or small your gift is then it's big enough to be a meaningful gesture involving sacrifice on your part. I agree with all those who say that trying to base the size of your gift on how much you would expect to be spent on you is terrible etiquette.
As she has said that she wasn't expecting anything from you then it wouldn't be at all unreasonable to work out how much that would be and then halve it - or, if that makes you feel uncomfortable, give something that isn't a monetary gift but that won't give her more stuff to deal with or take up time that she doesn't have. Perhaps you could get her an envelope with her new address in India on it (or blank other than her name, ___________, ___________, _____________, India) and put some happy memories of home (e.g. pictures of you all together at university) in there, with the intention that you'll post it to her in India.
2007-03-13 08:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by Chris D 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it sounds a bit business like and cynical but consider the cost of the meal at the wedding and give that. The idea of having a wedding reception is to gain presents in exchange for a meal and a night out all paid for by the brides father.
However if you've considered this and its more than you can afford then give as much as you can but remember
ABOVE ALL YOUR FRIEND WANTS TO SEE YOU AT HER WEDDING, NOT YOUR MONEY.
Another idea price up what you would have bought for your friend plus all the wrapping and give that.
Or for a cheaper idea you could ask your friend if theres anything you can do to help with her wedding, photos, car, food, flowers, disco etc and lend a hand helping with her wedding, cheaper and priceless all at the same time!
2007-03-13 14:45:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its always a bit difficult to know how much to give. Your friend has already told you she didn't expect anything, she will just be pleased to have you there.
I would suggest £20, if you feel you can afford more make it up to £30. However I would not give any more than this, your friend has already menitoned she knows you'll have paid a bit of money getting to the wedding.
2007-03-13 08:55:16 · answer #10 · answered by Esquire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You give whatever you feel comfortable with, and as your friend sounds extremely understanding and caring then she is definately not going to be offended at whatever you decide. Just because she has requested money doesnt mean that she has expectations for everyone to oblige, it is a request purely because of her moving situation. I would give whatever you could afford and if this means none at all then you attending the wedding will mean just as much to her anyway! You cant buy friendship hun, and she seems a brilliant friend xx
2007-03-13 02:10:19 · answer #11 · answered by Jaksi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋