she is eight years old and a size 12 uk. she lives with her obese mother and grandmother, we all get on very well, i have told her dad my partner that she needs help and he agrees but he finds it difficult to do anything about it, he says because he doesn't live with her he doesn't have enough influence on her eating habits. i think he is burying his head in the sand . how can i help him to help his ex and their much loved daughter.
2007-03-12 22:54:16 · 14 answers · asked by lorraine m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Back off. A step mother should wait to be asked. You will not be helping by pointing out to the girl that you know best. You are so much better looking, knowledgeable. She is your husband's daughter. Show them both more respect than you plan on.
2007-03-12 22:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by desertflower 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Nicky (second answer) is right ! I know it from experience !
It is not your place, to do more than you did, you told the father your opinion and once is enough.
If you continue much further, it will be taken the wrong way ... and can be used against you !
The father - your husband to be - will be most likely often without influence regarding his daughter, if the mother (the child lives with) has a different opinion on her up-bringing, education, eating habits .....
It's yours to listen. comment, help ... when you are asked.
The daughter ... well she is just 8 yet. When she gets older, she might ask you for your opinion and help, or suggestions .... you might gain in time a certain influence .... but do not expect too much ....
The mother ... God forbid that you ever explain to her that she is doing something wrong with her child !!!
The only situation which might rectify you strong interference is in case of child abuse or neglection.
And another thing ... never make a problem about money for his daughter, time he spends with her and .... try to have your own kid with your husband !
2007-03-12 23:34:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to pursuade him to talk to his ex!
The best thing i would suggest without hurting teh girls feelings and it would be commitment for you!
Get her a puppy!
It has been proved that dog walkers are fitter and loose weight easier than people who visit the gym 4times a week!
If she likes animals that is she will enjoy walking ity and having a responsibility! You will all bond together on walks to!!!
If you get on well with the mother why don't you speak to her with your husband! Suggest teh dog idea, bike rides, horse ridng, joinging some kind of after school club.
Eating healthy food - what does she eat when she comes to you - make something really yummy and healthy yet easy to make - when she says how much she likes it say you'll dish some up for her to take home - her mum can try it tto and hopefully will ask for the recipe! - this way you won't be offending anyone!!!
Good luck
2007-03-12 23:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by Ebab831 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the father involved and you get involved as a secondary person.
What I mean is that have the father be responsible and you just support. A good way is to do outings that require some physical activity. Hiking, biking, walking... something simple at first. Later on get even more active like exercising and sports. Finally try to encourage good eating habits and when you eat out together eat healthy but tasty foods. Try eating more fruits and vegetables instead of snacks/junk food.
Try not to directly tell her, but instead indirectly from the father. Have the father do most of the interaction on this subject because it can be sensitive. Also try not to step over bounds and act like a mother. This will offend her real mom.
Also since both mother/grandmother are both obese it is difficult because she will eat what they eat. This will probably be the most difficult part because she lives with them. One way to change this is to encourage her mother that its not healthy for her daughter. This will be tricky because this is their own eating habits. I think if you concentrate on the daughter than she herself can change her habits.
Its great to hear you are very caring for his daughter.
2007-03-12 23:10:21 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Youre going to have to bring this one up very carefully. If you do or say the wrong thing you could end up with a full scale war on your hands and your partner being stopped from seeing his daughter. Its a really awkward situation youre in. Just explain to her mother that you are worried about the little girls weight and that you would like to help her to do something about it. Make sure her mother knows that you are not criticising her and you are just concerned
2007-03-13 06:11:19 · answer #5 · answered by fallenangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to be very careful on this one, or your desire to help will come across as interfering. all u can do is try to set your future step daughter a good example - try to interest her in fun hobbies that u can share together, like swimming / roller skating. avoid the temptation of putting her on a diet, this will make the child feel inferior, pressured, and it will probably also upset her mother, who despite being obese etc, etc, is still this child's mother. obese people generally have issues in their lives which cause them to seek solace from food - they're not just 'greedy', as some people like to think. try tackling the low self esteem issues, and she will probably have more self respect, and want to look her best.
2007-03-12 23:08:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is only eight then you need to go to the mother. If you go directly through her you could cause bad feelings between you and the mother. If you go to her and discuss your worries, stating the health things and suggest that you'd like to take more of an active part in her life, even if you suggest it saying its because you want to get to know her better-once you get the blessing of the mother you can hint at good eating things or start doing some sports activities together-maybe she eats a lot because she wants to fit in with her mum or because she is sad, you need to find out without pressuring her or making her feel stupid and then work out how to tackle it once you get more information.
2007-03-12 23:06:49 · answer #7 · answered by lady_margery 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can maybe suggest that her mother doesnt serve her as much food, or send her to a weight loss camp for kids or a gym for kids to lose weight. To get closer to her you can go on a walk in the evening with your husband and your step daughter and just talk about things and by walking she might lose weight. And try not to bud in. Good Luck!!
2007-03-15 12:13:24 · answer #8 · answered by I ♥ Switchfoot MORE!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs alot of love and encouragement to begin with. If you all dont get a handle on her weight now she will have problems when she gets older. One thing she could suffer from is sleep apnea which will effect how she does in school. If obesity runs in the family it is a herditery trait which can be handled correctly. Her mother is going to have to play an active role also, but if she is obese she may see nothing wrong with it. Most hospitals have dieticians to help people with their weight and to eat healthier. See if her doctor can send her to one. Also, the father needs to talk to the mother and express his concerns. But if she lives in a house where the others are obese she is going to have a hard time with it. the mother is going to have to want to change her eating habits to help her daughter. If the mother wont change, the daughter doesnt stand much of a chance. One way to is to cut out all the soda and sweets. Maybe the father needs to try and get custody of his daughter. But he needs to take an active role in his daughters life before it is to late. Sleep apnea is a dangerous condition and does effect obese people. Also as much as i hate to say it, his daughter will get picked on in school as she gets older. That will lower her self esteem and make school harder. But he needs to take charge now and talk to the mother and express his concerns. His daughter needs to lose weight for her health. the mother should want better for her daughter and to help her also. Good luck to you, this is a tough question. But get her help before she gets older and her health is greatly effected. You may also want to give him information on sleep apnea and also how being overwieght effects your body. Talk to her doctor or even your doctor to get info. then leave it in your husbands hands. Maybe if he sees the damage being overwieght can cause he will change his tune.
2007-03-13 00:02:38 · answer #9 · answered by helen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. I still have issues with my mother trying to tell me I was
overweight as a child. When I really was not, just matured hips and all at a young age. She would tell me I should not wear certain things and I know she was trying to help but as a child it came across as I was not good enough. So let her mother and father deal with it. Just be available if she wants to talk about it.
2007-03-13 00:26:02 · answer #10 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋