What is the best joke you've heard in a while?

Answer 1

Superman

Tom and Clark were standing on the roof of their building drinking a few beers on their break and Clark said, "Hey Tom, did you know that if you jump off this building, after you get down so far, a draft will pull you back inside the building on the third floor?"

"Get outta here," said Clark.
No I'm serious, watch me."

Clark hopped off the building and sure enough, he was taken in by the draft at the third floor window. He took the elevator back to the top and Tom and a security guard that arrived were standing there, Tom in awe.

"I can't believe it." Said Tom.
I know you should try it Tom."
So Tom hopped off and plunged into the ground.

Superman you're an asshole when you're drunk." said the security guard

Answer 2

The blond was working on a puzzle when she finally became very frusterate. She called her boyfriend and told him that she needed help with her puzzle. He asked her what it was supposed to be of? She told him a tiger. He said that he would come right over. When he got there he looked at the pieces scattered all over the table and then sighed and said, "Hunny, this isn't going to make a tiger or anything else. Now let's put the Frosted Flakes back into the box...."

Answer 3

BELIEVE it or not,
> >These are REAL 911 Calls!
> >
> >
> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
> >Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
> >house on the corner.
> >Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
> >Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
> >
> >
> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
> >Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
> >and cheese sandwich.
> >Dispatcher: Excuse me?
> >Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
> >table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
> >taken a bite out of it.
> >Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
> >Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
> >of it!
> >
> >
> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
> >Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
> >an eleven on it.
> >Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
> >Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
> >Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
> >thing.
> >Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
> >
> >
> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
> >Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
> >minutes apart
> >Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
> >Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
> >
> >And the winner is..........
> >
> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1
> >Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
> >Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
> >Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
> >Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
> >Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
> >Caller: No
> >Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
> >breathing?
> >Caller: Running from the Police.
> >
>
hope you enjoyed these-cheers!

Answer 4

The one about the white little rabit running through the forest....
In case you haven't heard it,
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. "Lion," they reprimand, "why’d you do that? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little idiot has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy

Answer 5

i look good it was real funny