My husband and I love each other very much but.................?

Question

he had a rough childhood growing up, so he has a short temper & likes things done his way. We have been through so much & theres no way we"ll ever split, but how could I get along with him better. He never understands me & I always have 2 understand him. I've tried being on his level & do the things he likes 2 do, like play video games. I even told him I would play World of Warcraft & I freakin hate that game. Every move I make I seem 2 irritate him. I don't even know how 2 act anymore. I luv him so much & I know he luvs me. I may make it sound horrible but it's not that bad, I just want 2 get along with him better.He is a good person & a good dad. He tells me he luvs me & he kisses me & all that. Is there anything I or we could do 2 make our lives better. Please nobody tell me 2 ask God cuz I'm a firm believer in him & I already have. I just want ANY advice 2 help.....something like things 2 talk about, things 2 say 2 him (thats not corny), I mean anything......please help! Thank U

Answer 1

Relationships is about compromise...

It sounds like you are over compromising compare to him. It cannot be one way or else it will not last forever. Eventually you will be burnt out and give up. You both need to learn to both compromise. It is nice that you try to play video games with him, but if you hate it, don't do it... It will just make it worse because you are making yourself un-happy. I wished my g/f would play WoW also, but no way would I expect her to do so. She enjoys doing other things that I don't care to do. So when he is playing you do your own thing.

Basically learn to compromise. Also if he is short tempered he needs to learn to control it better. Normally children have short tempers but eventually learn to control it. Maybe he never was able to learn it and grow tolerance.

You will need patience and I can already tell you have a lot of it. It will take a while, but if you really want it then work at it and do it slowly. Take your time, A personality takes a long time to change if even possible. If he loves you, he will try to change for your relationship.

Answer 2

I'm not married, but I did not have the best childhood either, so perhaps I can give some prespective in that area. You are trying very hard to make this marriage work and that is very commendable of you. I mean that sincerely, so many people will give up without even really trying. But the reality is, if he doesn't try too, then how will this ever work? A marriage is not a one-sided effort. You can try to make this marriage work until you're blue in the face, but if he refuses to try too, then this relationship will never get fixed.

You must walk on egg shells around him 24/7, constantly worrying about his temperament, careful not to upset him because you know he'll blow his top. I can say from experience that such an environment wears on you emotionally more than you probaby realize. It does some serious damage to your psyche. You should not have to carefully construct what you're going to say in order to keep him calm. You have a right to get angry, to get mad just as much as he does.

To me, it sounds like he never really grew up. He never learned the importance of controlling his anger or of finding ways to blow off steam without doing so in an aggresive or violent manner, such as yelling or hitting tables, chairs or whatever. Things that children learn when they are 7, 8 years old ("No. Hitting is NOT ok. Let's take a walk, go for a run or write down how we feel to get rid of some of that anger."), it doesn't sound like he was instructed properly in that manner.

I agree with a previous answerer who said that you both should see a marriage counselor. He sounds like he has a lot of issues that he needs to work through. Failing that, and if he refuses to go with you, I suggest going alone. It won't fix your marriage problems, but it will help you and it sounds like you could use a confidential source to discuss your life and the various issues you have.

Answer 3

It might be a time for you to show him that you are a strong woman and, more importantly, a woman who is independent. You married him you didn't sign on to step on egg-shells for the rest of your life.
Video games are his valve for stress and a hobby of his. Let that be his. Give him space. Have a fun little activity of your own. Get involved in an easy sport with some of your friends. It doesn't have to be a hard one. It doesn't have to extravagant. Make it something easy that you can just set up some time for. Tennis is kinda popular. But do something of interest. I practice Kung Fu. It is fun to go out with some buddies and throw each other around a little. The love of my life scuba dives. I don't even know what scuba means and she doesn't understand the concept of "the sheathed weapon." But we mix and match. She takes me diving once in a while and I let her beat me up for fun or when she has a bad day. We are together but we are who we are...
Why not try something with a little edge?
How about some archery or fencing? Both sports are active, interesting and don't confine you to courts or playing arenas the way most sports do. You just need an open space and some friends.
When he realizes that you are going to do things on your own and not be right at his side all the time, then he might take more joy in the time he spends with you. He won't feel pressured to always do something of interest with you and neither will you. You both will have freedom and that will relieve tension.
Your married not joined at the hip. Your mother not a servant to your children. Have fun and get out do something...

Good Luck

Answer 4

I'm sorry to tell you, but, It looks like your trying too hard to be on his good side. A relationship shouldn't be that way. It should be a natural comfortable feeling to be with someone. You describe his personality as rough. That alone says he is a difficult person to be around with. I think the person who needs guidance is your husband and not necessarily you. Living a life always trying to satisfy and get approval is just tiresome. You cant do this alone. the only advice I can give is that he needs to approach you with some more compassion. Good luck.

Answer 5

hhmmn same as mine!except that we're not married yet but close to that. many times i wanted to give up but like you've said, he is a good man & he loves you but his rough/tough childhood made him hard to trust & believe that you truly love & care about him. It was already 2 years ago when i came through that "everything i do irritates him" yet he has'nt left me.. (& vice versa)tho he previously mentioned of leaving me simply bcoz of his guilts of the way he treats me ..knowing that afterall his irritable behavior (most of the time) he knows that iam in for the long haul. undestand, love & continue to care.. today almost 5 years now..we are still together & he is beginning to realize my importance in his life. however, i keep reservations so that when the inevitable happens iam prepared to let go esp. that I have recently left our country & we now have a long distance relationship. This working overseas partly because i wanted him to see things without me (& maybe also for myself). So long as you can bear the burden & keep showing him that life is different now (better that is) then beat the odds. you can lure him to discuss what he feels from time to time w/out overly mentioning how bad he went through as a child but rather let him see that other people could have experience the same or much worst. the key here is that he is not alone. esp not for now.

Answer 6

mmmm...nope...from what you have mentioned...I do not see any way that he would change or make things better....but heck..
if you can not beat him....join him...just yield and go along with all he says( since it seems, years ago when you migthed had had the chance to change him...instead you kept on yielding to his way.....now it is really TOO LATE.!!..and just so that you do not
feel the frustration you are feeling, just accept that that's the way
HE is...and just go along with the flow...you'll feel better
once you give in to this idea.

Answer 7

bjs really say i love you, first thing in the morning, while you are driving, even while he is playing world of warcraft, if he says no you know something is really wrong

Answer 8

how about, "honey we need to see a marriage counselor, what do you think?"