Both groom and brides families want a huge wedding but are not willing to front the expenses , the bride and groom wants something small and intimate , how do you tell the family that you want it to be small w/o hurting their feelings ?
2007-03-12 20:11:46 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are to the point of eloping and not letting anyone know until we do it , but we really wanna invite our close friends and family but this is getting crazy with them.They say its a girls dream to have a big wedding but its not MY dream . I would do a court house wedding and be just as happy. As long as I am marrying my fiancee thats all that matters.
2007-03-12 20:18:56 · update #1
How about a surprise wedding. You invite them all to a dinner at your home and "OH, by the way we are getting married right NOW!" They would be too shocked to be mad or hurt. At least they got to attend.
2007-03-12 20:25:23 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Please, arrange a get-together for both sets of parents, bride and groom. Have a time (over coffee and dessert or something), to sit a talk with them. Let them know you both understand how they want the big, spectacular wedding for you, however, due to the bride and groom's budget, the budget is what determines what kind of wedding the two of you want. And, that regardless of expense, in reality the two of you want a SMALL wedding, with family and a few friends invited. If at the end of this time, they still want the big wedding, and nothing smaller, you can let them know the two other options: s small courthouse wedding, or elopement. Or, you could arrange a get together with both sets of parents, anyone else you would want at the wedding, and providing you have the marriage license with you, once everyone is there (courthouse, a chapel, where ever,) proceed with the small intimate wedding (with two witnesses to sign the marriage license) that you want. I wish you two the best. Take care.
2007-03-13 04:24:05 · answer #2 · answered by SAK 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, good for you for realizing that who you're with is more important than how expensive your dress is!
I think one of the best ways to get what you want with minimal resistance from your families would be to have a family meeting (probably with each of your families seperately, not both families together). The two of you need to just sit them down and show them your budget.
For example, if you have $5,000 to spend, it should be something like: (percentages from the site below)
40% percent of your budget for the reception, caterer and rental supplies ($2,000)
14% for wedding attire ($700)
10% for a photographer or videographer ($500)
10% for a DJ or band ($500)
10% for a florist ($500)
5% for a jeweler ($250)
4% percent for invitations ($200)
2% percent for gifts for attendants ($100)
2% for transportation ($100)
3% percent for miscellaneous expenses ($150)
Have it printed out in a nice big font for them to look at, and let them know that if they want to recommend a place to get these services within your budget, they can feel free, but this is how much you are able to spend.
After that, if they want to complain about something not being spectacular enough, they know they need to pay for the upgrades.
Good luck. =)
2007-03-13 03:51:38 · answer #3 · answered by calliope320 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It may be in your best interest to hire a wedding planner. This person will not only assist you with staying in YOUR budget, but they play liaison in instances like this. If you get a good one, they will save you approximately the cost of hiring them by the savings they get you from other vendors (pictures, reception site, etc).
If you cannot afford even the least expensive planner's help then you should sit the families down for a "heart to heart". You tell them that you "are on a strict budget of
Don't give them ultimatums, just let them know that it is not POSSIBLE without their contributions to invite those outside of your "list". A grand wedding does NOT have to be expensive nor large.
If you need any further assistance, feel free to email me. I will do my best to help.
2007-03-13 05:15:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Elope or have a very intimate, immediate family only wedding. Put your $$ into reception and /or honeymoon. I find it rather selfish to have both families want a huge wedding and not offer to help with expenses.
2007-03-13 21:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them what you said right here.
"Mom, Dad, I have never dreamed of a big wedding. I am planning a small wedding and I'd appreciate your support in our decision."
Don't make it a question or like begging. Let them know you ARE having a small wedding because that is what you both want.
I LOVE Kunkee's answer!
2007-03-13 12:37:57 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem... mine was more stressful because I had 2 weeks to plan lol. So I got the caterer and did invitations and told no other relatives anything until they got their invitations. ITS YOUR DAY and if youre paying you have all the right to have it your way. Just keep the plans under the radar and surprise them like I did. Thats the best way and I am glad it was a small party (160 people) because more would make me really sick lol.
2007-03-13 05:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be one of the most special days of your life. If you want to celebrate it with a small group of family and friends then so be it. It will be more intimate but most importantly it will be what YOU want. Just be honest with your family. Tell them the truth just as you have written here. Be understanding of their point of view but stick to yours. After all it's YOUR big day!
2007-03-13 05:44:19 · answer #8 · answered by Gia M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell 'em what makes you and him happy. If they don't respect your wishes as well as the other. Oh well, too bad. It's not their wedding. If they don't want to front the cash on your behalf. Go to Vegas, get married for 70 dollars and have sweet honeymoon.
2007-03-13 03:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by anarchy0029 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just do everything your selves & don't tell them till the day before so they can't invite other extra people.
But feelings will be hurt, b/c your mom has been dreaming of your wedding longer than you have.
2007-03-13 08:43:28 · answer #10 · answered by ee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋