Heres the situation: About 4, maybe 5 yrs, could be longer. Anyway, I was involved in a long distance relationship that only lasted about 6 months. Well, during those 6 months, the girl that I was with actually did like me, alot. Only I didnt realize it at the time.
Long story short, things got rocky, mainly because of my little white lies and whatnot. Anyway, she ended up breaking up with me over the internet and I admit, it took me a while to get over her. But I finally did, somewhat!!!!!!!
Well, 5,6 yrs later I am still thinking about this girl and I am wondering if it would be a good idea to try finding her to atleast let her know that I am still on earth thinking about her.
We are like 13 hrs away from one another. I made efforts to go see her two, maybe three times. I was there for Christmas and everything.....Her family seemed to really like me, and I liked them too!!!! Even the mother thought we were going to be good together, UGH!!!!!!!
What do I do????!!?!?!?!?!
2007-03-12 20:08:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First admit to yourself honestly what your motive is in finding this girl. Truly in your heart, is your motive to satisfy your own guilt at doing something or saying something that might have turned her away from you? You must get totally honest with yourself. If your motive is that you want to relieve any guilt you may have about the relationship then your steps are to contact her and simply say you are sorry for whatever it is. No more and no less and then let her decide if she wants to persue, meanwhile you go on with your own life.
If your motive is to check up and see how her life has been, there is no harm in this, go ahead, but realize that if she has hurt left or bad feelings, she may not want to talk to you the same way you did before.
If your motive is to go back in time to that magical feeling you two had when she made you feel like you were worth it, like you were the only man in the world and you two could do anything together...You may want to rethink contacting her. This motive sets you up for heartbreak every time because after 5/6 years, many things have happened in both of your lives and the past can never happen again. Your steps to be taken here are to concentrate on being grateful for the time you had, learn the lessons that are ALWAYS there, and forgive yourself and her for any wrongness that may have occurred during your relationship. Then you may find yourself back at the first motive of guilt releif which may involve letting her know, but desn't necessarily have to. If you cannot move past, well, the past you will miss the present and therefore will not be available to any women who may be ready to know you and have a wonderful relationship with you now.
If your motive is genuine love, meaning that you know you can love this woman and your honest to heart motive is to uplift her happiness and accept this woman as she is. Thats where you are REQUIRED to contact her. But again, after 5 years you may encounter a lot of changes that have occured that may not be what you wish. You must be ready to accept that this may not lead to anything serious. In this situation it is NOT fair to you or to her to "stay friends" because you will be torturing your own heart and confusing hers. Whats more, you will be so preoccupied with waiting for this woman's situation to change in your favor that you may miss the woman who is right there and ready for you.
I hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you'd like to chat bridta@yahoo.com
2007-03-12 20:32:37 · answer #1 · answered by :) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find her.. it would be nice to hear from a guy 5-6 yrs after & say that u'v been thinking about her. wheh! lucky gurl!! but thats too much price to pay over white lies ha (see?). .. but prepare for the worst..afterall those years she might have found someone more deserving & may not be thinking of you at all.. and next time you know what to do when you'll be dating. You would'nt want to go the same way again, would u?
2007-03-13 03:18:56 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find her maybe she still likes you but try not to get your hopes up too high , being that years have gone by feelings do change and she might be in a relationship , you never know . Approach her being friends only and see what happens from there .. good luck
2007-03-13 03:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i started to read this thinking that it was a guy i meet 5 or 6 years ago... but he never spent Christmas with me... i say find her hey... so at least then you can know if she is ok happy or whatever.... obviously she made a huge impression on you and some people may say let go of the past.... i say settle the past so you can... see how she is... contact her or you will leave it for another 5 years... do it so then you know.... good luck!
2007-03-13 03:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by just_jemma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is simple, and yet it will be hard for you.
Move on
6 months is nothing in terms of a relationship. It can seem like alot, but it goes by in the blink of an eye...and your former relationship failed in that short time. why would it be different now?
I guess you could send her an e-mail, or give her a call...but I can almost guarentee that you will be dissapointed, and in under 6 months.
2007-03-13 03:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by Pete 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you, yourself, can be the best judge, and your own "inner voice of conscience" will never misguide you. Provided you listen to that "voice within" with full and genuine alertness, and provided you do NOT fool yourself into listening to something that you have already pre-conceived in your mind, because your inner voice comes from the spirit within and NOT from your mind.
2007-03-13 03:24:08 · answer #6 · answered by Sam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think its best if you try to get together with her again. what have you got to lose? and atl east you will not go on with your life with the worst question ever: the what if??
but make sure that you will not repeat the same mistakes you made, ok? ;)
2007-03-13 03:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by machi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so u go ahead n talk to her about ur feeling when she's not with u then.find out if she still loves u then only u can proceed further,otherwise no point to woo her.
2007-03-13 03:16:40 · answer #8 · answered by robert KS LEE. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont' see why finding her would have any bad effects. If you approach it mildly and not like a stalker ( which you don't sound like). Go for it.
2007-03-13 03:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by Debi in LA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find her for the peace of mind.
2007-03-13 03:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋