How can I help with PTSD?

Question

So, there is this friend I have - she has PTSD due to sexual, emotional, and childhood abuse. We met over a month ago and everything was going great, then all of a sudden she got all strange and said she needs time to be by herself and does not want to talk me besides very simple subjects. At first I thought I did something wrong - then I researched PTSD (She has been diagnosed with it) and I realized this might not be me after all... How can I help here? I really really like her and I want her to be better...

Answer 1

As someone who has had PTSD, it can be hard to tell what is troubling her. Perhaps there was some sort of trigger/something that caused her to re-experience a negative aspect of the past. It could be something you did/she experienced with you/you remind her of, or it could be something else she's afraid could affect your friendship. It's taken me a long time to feel connected in my relationships again (and I mean years), maybe she's struggling with trusting someone (especially a man) and being vulnerable again (to love, to pain, to betrayal, to connection). After experiencing sexual abuse by my ex b/f, I was terrified of any man. I even felt terrified my dad was going to rape me. I didn't actually believe that (nothing could be further from the truth), it's just the thoughts/feelings regarding my ex were overwhelming, signaling that I didn't feel safe and I needed to process them. It's a difficult and complicated journey, where there is a lot more going on beneath the surface. It probably doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. She's just working everything out. She probably feels afraid, ashamed, judged (where you tell her to get some help, rather than listening to her and supporting her as you would any friend). I don't know for sure, but I did.

PTSD occurs when a good person has experienced something overwhelming and terrifying, and occurs because the person is (subconsciously) trying to protect themselves/their psyche... It's a natural defense mechanism, it's normal after such an experience. And the person is still sane, is still who they are. They've just been weighted down with an extra burden they're terrified of. Yet, in our society, people take the view "What's wrong with you/Are you OK? = There's something fundamentally not right about you." That makes it very difficult to open up and trust anyone again, especially when you are feeling incredibly vulnerable. It feels like you are being assaulted all over again, when you choose to bare your soul/trust someone enough to share and they respond with something implying "You are not normal. There is something wrong with you." It's the perpetrator who has something wrong with him, but they're not asking him that.

I understand that most of my friends didn't know how to handle my experiences, and when my friends did act from this, they were simply doing their best to help. Even though I knew this logically, I still felt betrayed on some level.

I would just continue to be there for her, ask her how she's doing, listen, reassure her of your friendship and let her open up in her own time.

Answer 2

You should encourage your friend to seek counseling. Try a local rape-crisis center. Your support is important, but she won't improve without professional help. I'm being treated for PTSD due to war-related experiences. Have her look into something called "exposure therapy". It's difficult at first, but the improvement will be noticeable within a few weeks. Good luck, and thank you for being such a caring and understanding friend.

Answer 3

See http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/ There is a PTSD topic, and if you type "ptsd" in the bar provided, there are 16 books recommended. Join myspace, groups [free] at www.myspace .com Click on "groups" in the bar near the top of the webpage; select "other", and type in "ptsd" or the full name, and find a group. You can then show her, and she can choose her own, or start one, maybe exchanging email addresses or phone numbers (caution advised). Also Yahoo; groups & Google; groups, as well as self help magazine's forum.

Answer 4

I also have PTSD and truth be told I have a man standing by me and I know I put him thru hell.I am in therapy.I take my meds faithfully.But what triggers me I never know.How will I go off>will i cry,will I scream>will I climb in bed for days and not eat??I never know.I have had PTSD since 1999. It is a living nightmare.My man wants to be the one who talks it out of me,cures me,saves me.sometimes i wish he would run for his life.I tried to break up with him once and he said I was his forever.LOLI think he's crazier than I am.I love this man.

Answer 5

First thing first, if she doesn't want to be around you that is the best thing to do. You may remind her of a time or a feeling. Lastly one of the major issues with PTSD is making commitment without thinking about the consequences. Think of it this way. She starts with situation A and skips positive situations to catastrophic situations. Knee jerk reaction is to get out of that situation.

Answer 6

well my friend I'm sory to say you have a long road ahead of you if you decide to stay.... notice all the girls talk about supporting her and helping her and being with her.....Typical ! as a male you may one day want to be intimate with a woman....this one is so damaged that normal sexual relations may never happen. are you going to be happy with a sexless or a tanted matramonial relationship? men do not need to rescue damsels in distress in order to PROVE manhood .... you may care for her and you may love her but she is not and may never be ready for a relationship....do the right thing....stay away from romance with this woman...untill she is totaly cured..... your affection is a detrament to her not a rescuing life line! do the right thing ...take your love and spend it where it may be fully returned.

Answer 7

If you can handle being involved thru thick and thin then offer to be there for her--- it can be draining , frustrating, inconvenient, an emotional rollercoaster --so know this upfront before committing. Wanting to help and actually helping can be very different , but both are commendable :). There is no shame in backing out of something you simply can't handle. Better to accept this and offer limited help and support, then not be able to follow thru when she has learned to be depending on you. If you still want an active part in this then:
-accept boundaries of your involvement and stick to them. This sounds contradictory to above but you are not a professional counseler, and she has to be guided on how to help herself also. You can't help if you allow yourself to be stressed out. Never feed/support irrational or damaging words or acts of hers. Report to hotline/counseler/police any suicidal threats or actions .
- If she is not in counseling - persuade her to go, this is paramount - drive her or do whatever is needed to have her attend sessions. This is the single most important thing you can do. Be firm but gentle and persistant.
-Ask her to give permission for her counselor to advise you on how to be supportive and follow their suggestions.
-if she is prescribed medication support her in taking it as directed and if needed -report to her Dr. any abuse of her meds. His phone # and name is on the bottle.
-listen, listen, and listen - let her vent -even if you've heard it a zillion times. Encourage her to talk about it if she wants and acknowledge her survival. Never judge, and realize its HER personal experience and don't generalize or trivialize. If she can't talk then that's OK also, just being with her is "listening" also.
-Offer and encourage activities and interests. Even if she retreats and resists, don't take it personal or give up. Draw her out. Watch a movie, play a game, grab a pizza, go for a walk - anything, no matter how trivial. The instinct when wounded is to crawl into a dark cave and shut everything out - be the sunshine at the opening and offer your warmpth. Recovery involves effort and strength and more pain before it lessens. Be a brace not a crutch.
- Accept that she may act hurtful to you at times, simply because she is hurting- and don't feel responsible or take it personally. Talk about it but don't attack her with it.
-Accept that this is her journey and you cannot heal this --only she can, but you care, and will help where appropriate and able.
-This last one is from me to you --- please accept the gratitude and pride I feel for you to be kindhearted and willing to inconvenience yourself to help a friend. This world needs more people like YOU!!! ^5 - you are GREAT!
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Answer 8

Well Sir i would say the best thing you can do is be there for her, listen to her when she needs someone to listen, and do not make judgement on her, or what she has been through. Give her your shoulder to cry or lean on when needed, and do not take your friendship away, cause of the disorder, or cause you are getting tired of it. It does take time, and time is one thing that you can give her, and your full support.

Answer 9

Support her. Don't pressure her to answer questions until she wants to talk about it. Just treat her as someone who means a lot to you and isn't just the poster child for a mental problem. Try and look past it to see her as a person.

Answer 10

Just try to be as supportive & understanding as possible. Your relationship will grow closer slowly but surely. Keep showing her that you care.