My mother has emotional problems since childhood, she tried to be a good mother, but she is critical, bitter, fault finding, lies, pits my siblings against eachother, brings up stuff from our past and holds us in hock for favors she has done us in the past. Nothing a mother would not do for her kids.She sends us letters telling us how bad we are, how we let her down, and how rotten we are and is not going to leave anything to us in her will, we dont want anything, and we told her this. we only wanted her love and approval, we never got it. She brings me to tears with her hurtful, unforgiving critical ways, I try to be a good daughter and forgive and forget, but Im 48 now, & she is still slamming me & hurting me emotionally, making me feel im less than a person, She has eroded my self esteem, She has no realtionship with anyone cause of her actions I dont think God wants me to be a doormat for abuse, Ive suffered my whole life, I pray for her, what would God want me to do ?
2007-03-12 18:46:47 · 31 answers · asked by kimmy3 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I know bout forgiveness 7x7, turn the other cheek, honor your parents, but this is abuse, how do i seperated myself from the emotional damage it has cause me and my sister and brother ? I love her, but I dont like her, I pray like mad, have witnessed to her, but all i get is nasty retorts and that mocking "dont give me that God crap". and she procedes to character assignate me...it never ends.....Im in hell I feel like, but my faith is strong in God....Im waiting for him to soften her heart, but after 48 years, i see no results...please pray for my delieverance form this...help me to help my sis too..im surrounded by unbelivers, and this is very difficult trying to hold my family together when they think me as a Preachy-dont-push-your-religion-on me, im not religious, im a believer !
2007-03-12 18:51:38 · update #1
God wants you to cut off all ties right now!
I belong to a yahoo group - missingmother is what I think it is called. They have a website - www.missingmother.com
Just put an "s" at the end of mother if I didn't give you the correct name.
I just got a great response to something I posted, the message from Abraham. It completely justifies why I would tell you to get away from her now.
2007-03-12 18:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW - this is not easy. What you need to do and this takes a ton of forgiveness and maturity on your part and it's okay not to be there right now - but it's taken me years.
1. Forgive her - as many times and needed.
2. Suprise her and have a heart to heart - and just give in to her unforgiveness and critical remarks - you take the thunder out completely when you agree (even when you know they are wrong). It doesn't matter just take the blame and say that you really blew it and can only expect what you have gotten from them.
3. Expect nothing, ask for nothing, borrow nothing - then you don't need to have false guilt and you can actually feel happy and recognize the smallest gestures she has done right.
4. Stop blaming her for your problems. Take responsibility for the issues you have and leave her out of it.
5. Take time, no matter how long it takes and find an endearing memory to share with her now and then in response to her angry letters.
6. Completely ignore anything that she says that is psycho and realize she's probably not going to change and just accept that.
7. Love her because she's a sinner in need of a savior just like you- not because she did all of the things that she was supposed to do for you as a mom. That's a higher motivating factor to love anybody.
8. Remember that when people grow old - they get stuck in some very negative ways and most of them will not change. Just accept that.
9. Send her sweet cards to remember her birthdays and holidays.
10. Remember - that you're alive - she didn't abort you - she did give you a chance to live - and even if that's the only thing she did right - she did something good for you. She didn't put you in a dryer and spin you around to get 3rd degree burns or break your neck and stuff you under your house when you were a toddler or microwave you or any of the other horrors I hear about daily in the news.
Listen, you're not a child any longer - you're a grown woman, strong, and you can deal with this - you're bigger than this - listen - YOU become the mom now - if you do these things - you'll be doing more than you know for her and will lead her to the truth.
It takes time, counseling and alot of encouragement from others but this can be done - it's what I did!
2007-03-13 01:59:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom sounds like a hurt and bitter person. She has certainly caused you and your siblings much anguish. Were her parents like that with her? She may not have the emotional tools to be a good mom. She really needs professional help in order to stop this abusive behavior. As a Christian you know that you are a princess, a child of the King. You have a heavenly father that loves you and wants to have you with Him for eternity. Hopefuly that will help your self esteem. As for your mom, you must stay away from her.
The Bible says you must honor her, but you don't have to be around her. Pray that God will give you insight as to why she is the way she is. Once you understand that, you can begin to heal. Pray for her salvation and that she will seek help for her mental health. Prayer is a powerful thing. You should also seek some type of counseling for your broken heart as well. I am praying for both of you.
2007-03-13 02:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by Yo C 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to forgive, when it is not yet time for you to feel that you can fully and completely forgive. Forcing or faking forgiveness is not necessary or advisable.
You could turn the other cheek.....just turn and walk away, without retaliating against the hurt and pain that you have endured.
You have to walk away from a problem and leave it alone, before you can heal and eventually find forgiveness for the hurt.
Your parents deserve respect, but you are a grown adult now, and it is not disrespecting them to show them that you are strong enough to make it on your own, without needing to be pushed around or bullied by their idea of parenting.
2007-03-13 02:05:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take what she says to heart.
If she sends you letters, don't read them! (unless you really feel like you must) It's good that you witness, but clearly she's not open. In this case, let your actions be the witness.
Bless those who spitefully use you, bless and do not curse.
Your mother may be a little coocoo but you have a Father in heaven Who loves you very very much and will never treat you the way your mother has.
When your mother makes you feel bad, go to your Father in Heaven and He will tell you it isn't so. Stay in the word and continue in prayer. Treat your mother with kindness- I know it's hard but the Lord says to love even our enemies!
Don't let her walk all over you but try not to get into an arguement.
Pray for God to give you the words to say if you ever need to talk to her. Hang in there :)
2007-03-13 02:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by SJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From a Christan point of view, you have a right to your own life without being hurt by someone who is disturbed. You must go to a professional counselor in a medical setting like a psychiatrist or clinical sociologist who can treat you.
Your mother is depressing you with her depression. You have to get some distance between her and you. Ask the professional how you accomplish this and why you need help.
If you don't have an answering machine, get one and screen your calls.
You will help her by stopping her from infecting you with her frustration, depression and illness. You will help both of you by not allowing her to disturb you.
A Professional is absolutely necessary at this point in your life. One foot in front of the other all the way to a professional medical person for assistance!
2007-03-13 02:01:58 · answer #6 · answered by zclifton2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
True love is unconditional. It is tolerant,....
Just let it go and let it be, Your mother doesn't control the what you think, she may have said hurtful things but you can choose to not be hurt. Accept her as she is, maybe she wouldn't change, maybe she would still say hurtful things, but i believe the self esteem can only be wounded by your own thoughts. Don't dwell in self pity, it will destroy you. Instead of repeating all those hateful memories in your head. Try to remember the good times, i'm sure there are good days. if not, then create good times. Go visit her, give her a hug, listen to her complains but love her still.
2007-03-13 02:17:54 · answer #7 · answered by coco_loco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as what God wants you to do, just ask Him. Ask HIm to enlighten you, pray, and even read His Word in a meditative If you ask you will recieve. B-)
Besides that it sounds like your Mother has some real problems. I am sorry to hear about this situation. I realize that she is your flesh and blood - she gave birth to you. But you have to take care of you. Jesus Christ is in you so you are the temple. I hope this helps. That's a hard question to answer.
***To add to my answer. As far as trying to turn people to the Lord - the more you try to pull someone into the Lord the more they will pull back. Please take care of you - there are only two people that can take care of you - you and the Lord.
"The Lord be with your spirit" 2 Tim 4:22
2007-03-13 01:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by natobanato2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"...we only wanted her love and approval. we never got it."
You and your siblings have my sympathy for being in this sad situation. A Mother should love her children unconditionally. Nobody should ever have to earn their mothers love. Don't let her hurt your self esteem. You deserved to be loved by your mother. That you managed without that necessity is to your credit. Your self esteem should be HIGH. Especially if you have tried to love her in spite of this.
I hope there are people in your life who have given you the love you should have received from her. You deserve that. As for what to do about her, this may be difficult but I think you should distance yourself from her. Her negativity is bringing you down. Keep on praying for her but don't despair if changes don't come. God willing, her soul will someday be saved. Don't expect much love and approval from her till then. You can't squeeze water from a rock.
May God bless you and keep you. Remember, your Heavenly Father loves you.
2007-03-13 02:33:51 · answer #9 · answered by out of the grey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This certainly humbles me because I realize that family problems are not just in my family. They exist everywhere. The best thing for you to do is to distance yourself from your mother. My grandmother is the same way...and my mom wishes she would have distanced herself from her a long time ago. Now my grandma is living with us and I'm taking care of her! I'm 20 years old and almost have no life because I have to stay home and give my critical, fault-finding, hateful grandmother her medications, although all the while I'm being abused for doing so. I don't think turning the other cheek means doing this... I think, if you can, get away from your mother. You may want to visit her from time to time...but you need to distance yourself; ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN.
2007-03-13 02:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Arthurpod 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋